Rapport

Ok, let’s talk a bit about rapport. To me, rapport is when your target feels comfortable around you, trusts you and feels a connection with you.

It’s vital for rapport to be created in order to be consistently successful in PU.

However just like attraction, you cannot MAKE anyone feel rapport. You cannot MAKE anyone feel comfortable around you nor can you MAKE anyone trust you. And you definitely cannot MAKE anyone feel a connection with you.

As soon as you try to make someone trust you, you behave like someone who cannot be trusted. Imagine a used car salesman you just met telling you:

“There’s nothing wrong with this car. Absolutely nothing at all! Trust me!”

The first thing you’ll think is “OK, what’s wrong with this car?”

The same if you try to make some one feel comfortable around you. Think back to when you were alone with a girl and she was nervous. You try to calm her down by saying “It’s OK, just relax, it’ll be all right.”

Then the chick immediately starts thinking “Why? What’s he going to do to me?”

As soon as you try to make someone feel comfortable around you is when you start to make people nervous.

You’ll get pretty much the same way results if you try to make someone feel a connection with you.

Again just as with attraction, it’s confusing and counter-intuitive, isn’t it?

So now the million-dollar question:

How do we create the trust, comfort and connection with our targets?

Just as emulating the qualities of attractive people generates attraction, rapport is generated by emulating the qualities of people we trust, feel comfortable around and have a connection with.

So let’s take a look at how we behave around our family, good friends and lovers. These are people we have rapport with. Then we’ll compare that with people we don’t have rapport with, namely strangers.

Let’s start with trust and comfort.

Have you ever observed how 2 strangers talk to each other?

They stand face to face with some distance in between them. That distance is what society refers to as “personal space.” We are taught from early childhood to respect the personal space of others. Strangers make sure they don’t get into the other’s personal space. The topic of discussion is usually something neutral and serious. You also noticed that they are tense around each other and not completely relaxed. They are usually concerned about saying the right thing and not offending the other or doing something that will leave a bad impression on the other. And they definitely aren’t touching each other.

Now compare this with how 2 best friends or lovers interact with each other. They stand or sit next to each other. They’re in each other’s personal spaces. They’re completely relaxed and comfortable around each other. The topic of discussion is usually personal, it could be very serious or humorous. They might be cracking jokes and having fun together. These 2 aren’t worried about saying the right thing or doing something that will leave a bad impression, because they already know each other. And if they’re lovers then they certainly aren’t afraid of touching or getting sensual with each other.

If you want your target to feel trust and comfort around you then you have to behave like someone she could trust and feel comfortable around. That means you have to get in her personal space. You can’t be worried about saying the wrong thing or leaving a bad impression. You have to touch her, talk about personal things with her, laugh and have fun with her and most importantly, you have to relax and be comfortable yourself around her.

You have to behave exactly as her lover would behave around her.

Now let’s discuss this thing called connection. A connection is something you feel towards someone that you believe knows and understands you and you know and understand that person.

So in order to have a connection with your target, you have to get to know and understand her and she has to get to know and understand you.

How do we do this?

I call it qualifying. Qualifying is finding out if your target has the qualities you are looking for. In order to do this you have to first know what qualities you are looking for in a woman. This is one of the questions from the Natural Game –Basics section.

So how do we go about qualifying? How do you find out if women have the qualities you are looking for?

The biggest mistake I see most guys do is asking women straight out without getting specific. For instance, I read about a lot of guys who go around asking women if they are adventurous. So what is adventurous?

Suppose you are buying a used car. Not that I’m comparing picking up women to buying a used car!

But this is just to show demonstrate where guys go wrong when trying to get to know a woman.

OK so you see a car that you like and you talk to the salesman. Now do you just ask him straight out if everything is OK with the car?

No of course not! Because if you do, he will just say “Yes” and you will learn nothing about the car. Following the same line of thinking, it’s like asking the salesman if he’s trustworthy. Ridiculous.

Instead you want to find out everything about the car that you can so there are no hidden surprises after you already paid for it. You want a clear demonstration that the car is fully functional.

Getting back to PU, you need to know what specific qualities you are looking for, then you give her a chance to demonstrate those qualities.

So if you, like me, enjoy traveling and want to know if she likes doing the same then talk about traveling and let her do the same. For example, talk about some of your most memorable trips and let her talk about hers.

Tell stories in VIVID details, paint up scenarios and pictures for her to imagine herself in. The more details that you can put up, the better she’ll be able to understand what you’re talking about, the better she’ll be able to understand you and the easier she’ll be able to connect with you. Which is exactly what you want.

When you qualify like this and get down to specific details, you will start to see her for the unique creature she is. The best part is she will want to do the same with you, when she sees that you are not asking the same old boring crap that most guys talk about, “Where you from?”, “What do you do? “, etc.

Now when she understands that you are getting to know her for who she is, that you are trying to connect with her, she is able to trust you and feels comfortable around you, then she will feel a connection with you. And if you add her feeling attraction for you into the equation, then she will feel a sexual connection with you.

Still think you are not good enough?

Here’s a twist…

This is what the media throws at you:

THIS IS FANTASY:

Be all ripped up and big just for a kiss?

Save the world just to be with a beautiful woman?

Worship them? it’s a human being, not a rare, delicate gemstone.

It seems simple, but look at the message underneath it.
Muscles, 1.4% body fat = Healthy beautiful woman for you.

Oh man, this sh!t made me laugh, yeah right.

This is from a rap video. The hidden message is that you need to be rich and have an expensive car with “22’s” to get women. BS! By the way, you know how much gas those Hummers waste?

Obviously this are studio, paintings, drawings, movies, ads, acting pictures, etc. but this kind of crap is being fed to everyone. The society is forcing those images into YOUR SELF-IMAGE.

Screw the Matrix.

NOW BACK TO REALITY…

Reinforcement helps false beliefs:

Again, this is the truth, real people, in the real world…

Still think you need fame, money and riches in order to get a girl?

Remember Gisele Bundchen, dumped the famous, rich, handsome, young Leonardo DiCaprio for a surfer.

Still think you’re too wrinkly like a saddlebag, think you’re too old?

Still think you’re too skinny, not big enough with muscles, think your looks are affecting you?

Another supermodel, Alessandra Ambrosio, with some “average” looking guy.

Still think you’re too young or not “bad” enough?

Look, he’s on the phone being busy with his life also, he’s not hanging all over her just because of her beauty… in fact it’s the opposite. She’s all on him.

Still think your too fat or some other crap?

I don’t even need to mention anything, the picture speaks for itself.

It does not matter!

Oh yeah, did you know supermodel Adriana Lima left famous singer Lenny Kravitz for that average guy you see on that picture first picture, look here’s another of them…

I see what’s going on there, she’s happy, that’s all that matters, if you can make her HAPPY, she’s YOURS.

Might as well add more:

Height doesn’t matter!

Weight doesn’t matter!

Age doesn’t matter!

Regardless of his wealth, Hef’s age still doesn’t matter!

Muscles doesn’t matter! Pete Doherty and Katie Moss.

Your ethnicity/nationality difference doesn’t matter, even if you cover your whole self with tattoos! it doesn’t matter.
That’s porn star Tera Patrick and Evan Seinfeld.

By the way, I also thought of this, the only reason celebrities (most of the time) date other celebrities is because that’s who they are surrounded by, and if you think about it, would an average man even think about talking to one of ‘em? Hell no, they’ll have a stampede of excuses and think they’re not good enough!. It applies the same way to an attractive you see down the street she’s surrounded by guys who think they’re good enough with their Ferrari’s, Armani clothes, gold-plated teeth and shit.

keeping the conversation flowing.

As far as interactions go, Juggler says something powerful in this regard. You’re the sun shining on all those around you. You’re warm, friendly and giving. People bask in your light. If they appreciate it, great, if not, great, there will be other people who will.

I think it’s always best to start with reality. So, above I discussed one technique of how to make powerful impressions. You yourself said it’s important to treat yourself kindly. I think that’s crucial. In fact I’d say that’s probably the most important thing of all, because once you treat yourself with kindness, you will pretty much automatically treat everybody else the same way. Kindness is very powerful.

But how to bring across your kindness in a specific interaction?

I’ll walk you through specific steps as to how to connect with women and people in general through specific skills as taught by Charismaarts:

First off, your VIBE — your PRESENCE

Think of what would make YOU comfortable. How would somebody have to behave around you to make you comfortable. Do that. Watch other people who are good at this. Learn by observation.

BODY LANGUAGE: Stand up straight, arms by your sides. It feels very vulnerable and uncomfortable at first but vulnerability is the point. If you’re standing there with arms crossed or all fidgety you’ll probably make her feel defensive and fidgety. If you’re vulnerable that shows strength. Only confident people allow themselves to be vulnerable. This may seem counter intuitive but go with me here.

EYE CONTACT: Look her in the eye when you say something to her. Don’t stare, but confidently look at her, especially when you’re listening.

SMILE: However, don’t be weird PERMA GRIN GUY. When you listen to her, stop smiling, just have a face of quiet expectancy, and look at her. When you speak be expressive and smile. The idea is to be dynamic.

Okay now as to SPECIFIC CONVERSATION SKILLS:

MAKE IT PERSONAL — – I Statements and YOU questions

What’s an I-Statement?

A major part of the Juggler method lies in making people comfortable enough to allow them to share their unique qualities. An instructor I know says: “Everybody’s interesting. It’s my business to bring that out in them”.

I’ll give you three specific ways on how do to that: I-Statements, OEQs and The Vacuum:

I-Statements: The idea here is that you share who you are and this will make people comfortable sharing who they are.

These statements are as SPECIFIC as possible and genuine. You talk in a relatable way about what you truly care about. Example: “I love skiing. I skied almost every day growing up. I love the feel of the wind in my face and the rush of the speed”. Here’s another one. “I enjoy walking in the surf. I like the feel of the cold water on my bare feet, the heat of the sun on my back and the salty air in my nose. It relaxes me.”

In both these statements she gets a feel for what kind of a person you are.

Next: OEQ (Open ended questions):

In order to find out about her you ask her OEQs. These questions are as GENERIC as possible: “How, what, why?”

Examples:
What do you like about basket ball?
How did that feel?
What’s Paris like?
Why?

If you share with her who you are through I-Statements and ask her Open Ended Questions chances are you’ll get to something that truly excites you and that you can SOI her on. So, there it is.

Oops, one last ingredient: The famous “Vacuum”.

After you ask a big question there may be a tendency on your part to fill in the empty space as she thinks about an answer. Don’t. Look at her with quiet expectancy. Look into her eyes to possibly build sexual energy. The vacuum is powerful. If she balks, just ask her a smaller question. i.e. “What do you think of traveling?” “Oh, I don’t know”. “Well, what was the last place you traveled to?” However, do not go on “questions trains”, meaning don’t keep asking questions. If you don’t get anything just answer your own question and either vacuum to see what she might want to say next or ask another OEQ.

I hope this helps.

One last thing to keep in mind: Have the conversation be about 50-50. You do 50 percent of the talking and so does she.

In that post I also addressed as to how to get out of the “Friend Zone” and make it sexual by SOI’ing a girl.