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The Emotion of sexual attraction

Ever wonder how a guy who is not rich or good looking or any other special characteristic ends up having a gorgeous woman (or women) who is NUTS about him?

It has to do with the fact that as human beings, we don’t care so much WHY we feel something good, as long as we feel good.

If you had thousand dollar bills growing out of a tree you had in your backyard, something tells me you wouldn’t care nearly so much WHY it was happening, as long as it KEPT on happening. So you see, if a woman is FEELING INCREDIBLE, AWESOME feelings of attraction to a guy, she really doesn’t care WHY she is feeling it, as long as she KEEPS on feeling it.

Women might SAY they want this or they want that in a guy, but the ONLY reason they say that is because they THINK that those things will lead to that AWESOME FEELING called SEXUAL ATTRACTION. Once you trigger those feelings, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

Sexual attraction is NOT like a grocery shopping list, although women might THINK that it is. When you have a shopping list, you KNOW you want cereal, apples, lettuce, bread, etc.

But when women are “shopping” for a guy, all they REALLY want (but they aren’t conscious of this) is a guy who will MAKE THEM FEEL ATTRACTION.

Women WANT the FANTASY of POWERFUL attraction so badly that they don’t tend to question the fantasy if they think they have it.

As a matter of fact, I have found that women often will HELP YOU ALONG to create the fantasy, and why should you ruin it?

And when it comes to attraction, the great news is that we can take ADVANTAGE of our primitive emotional brains. You see, our brains are simply HARDWIRED to FEEL SEXUAL ATTRACTION when presented with CERTAIN SPECIFIC BEHAVIORAL CUES.

Kind of like how a robot is programmed to have certain responses to certain cues.

YES, sexual attraction is VERY much a CLICK-WHIR type of response.

And for those asking “Well, then, if it’s that easy then why doesn’t EVERYBODY do it?” The answer is that it takes KNOWLEDGE to KNOW what those cues are, and it takes COURAGE to try things differently than you’ve done your whole life.

Also, it takes GUTS to NOT be a wuss!

Now, pretty much all women have the same BASIC hardwiring. However, from woman to woman, there are some differences based on their upbringing, their experiences, their biology. Learning how to discover what these differences are is another more advanced topic, but for now, we are going to focus on this FUNDAMENTAL HARDWIRING.

Our primitive emotional brains, which includes both men and women, are hardwired to feel attraction when certain conditions are present. These conditions USED to be (in evolutionary terms) ACCURATE indicators of VALUE, but are NOT necessarily accurate TODAY. In the past, it may have made SENSE to be attracted to a guy who was for example, too busy to spend too much time with her. Or a guy who was not so nice.

TODAY, however, if women’s brains had CAUGHT UP with society’s progress, women would be ATTRACTED to “nice guys”.

Nice guys are GOOD for women.
They are out for the woman’s best interests.
They CARE.
They are not selfish.

However, accurate or not, the fact is that our BRAINS, and women’s brains, STILL activate the feeling of attraction ONLY when those ANCIENT switches are pressed. And only ONE of those switches has to do with looks.

ALL THE REST DO NOT HAVE TO DO WITH LOOKS.

And once those switches go on, NOTHING ON EARTH can change that feeling unless you activate the switches that command the brain to STOP feeling attraction and to instead feel REVULSION or just as bad, INDIFFERENCE.

And just what are these switches that trigger SEXUAL ATTRACTION?

Well, this is a HUGE answer, but for now, I will tell you what few others have ever been told:

ALL WOMEN’S SEXUAL ATTRACTION BOILS DOWN TO HER DESIRE TO BE WITH A PERSON WHOM SHE DEEMS RADIATES SUPERIOR POWER.

This is a very primitive, yet TRUE analysis of ALL SEXUAL ATTRACTION.

Ah, but what about that chick who is with so and so NICE GUY?

Well, either she is just abusing him, using him for favours, etc, OR she has actually LEARNED THE HARD WAY that “bad boys” are actually NOT SUPERIOR. When I say the HARD WAY, I mean REAL hard, so hard that the PAIN associated with those memories CLEARLY registers in her head as being BAD FOR HER.

I.E. LOSER/NOT SUPERIOR

It becomes an EMOTIONAL decision, to the degree that she is ATTRACTED to good guys. To the point that she NEVER feels overly-secure and therefore KEEPS on trying to attract him, and treat him well. Not too many women in the Western hemisphere think this way today.

It’s clear:
Ask ten guys and 9 will say they want an attractive and sweet woman. Ask ten women and 9 will say they want an attractive and EXCITING guy who keeps them on their toes.

This is because usually, women have been given, by men, ALL THE POWER in the relationships and dating arena. Therefore, from a purely biological perspective, a woman who is attractive usually can’t help but feel NO NEED to try to attract a man.

No DESIRE to be with him. Nature’s way of conserving energy by not wasting energy on things that seem to already be taken care of.

POWER and SEXUAL ATTRACTION go hand-in-hand.

These days, men have handed over so much of their PERSONAL power to women, that women’s brains basically say “I ALREADY HAVE YOU, SO I HAVE NO NEED TO TRY TO KEEP YOU”.

Attraction is a force nature gave us to MOTIVATE us to try to get closer with those who could help us survive. The DESIRE is what gets us fired up and makes us FEEL like being GOOD to someone so that we will draw them in. If we didn’t feel attraction, we wouldn’t get off our butts when we saw an attractive woman, and no one would have any kids to carry on their DNA.

But once we HAVE something, our brains focus on OTHER tasks which seem to take greater priority.

And so since your average attractive woman already HAS the guy sold on her, she CAN’T help but feel very little if any interest. It’s pure evolution in effect.HARDWIRING.

And the craziest part of all this is that it’s ALL UP TO YOU.

You can use the very same hardwiring that makes a woman BORED of you to also make her EXCITED AS HECK about you. This is where so many guys go wrong. They learn this stuff, they get into a relationship, and then they abandon it.

That’s like taking a really good shower one day, and figuring that since you did a really good job that day, you never need to take another shower again. If you don’t take another shower, you will STINK. And if you don’t keep up the principles, your attraction will NOSEDIVE.

One of the reasons most guys abandon the principles is because they “just want to be themselves”.

THE REALITY IS THAT YOU ***CAN*** BE YOURSELF- BUT who ever said that being a LOW SELF ESTEEM person is “yourself”?

Yup, that’s what all that ass-kissing is. It’s FEARING losing a woman. So, NO, you can’t be yourself if you are low self-esteem.

And the way to BOOST your self-esteem is to first, realize that your self-esteem is nothing but your own perception of how POWER you have. And if you just knew that you can feel any emotion you want to feel, you would feel IMMENSELY POWERFUL.

The truth is that you CAN.

Ultimately, being THE MAN is about being SELF-RELIANT for your own self-esteem. Do not base your self-esteem on what ANY woman thinks, or what anyone else thinks either for that matter.

Doing so is a GRAVE mistake. The craziest part of it is that it leads to a downward cycle, where you brainwash yourself that you really need a woman’s approval, and then you start to seek it, and of course women can detect this, and so they DON’T feel attraction, thereby pushing you deeper into the hole.

If you are in this rut, GET OUT OF IT NOW.

Take a week off completely from women and just enjoy everything else, and GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ultimately, YOU must be in charge of your own emotions – everything else is just an ENHANCER, but not the main course.

Back to SEXUAL ATTRACTION AND POWER: So what are the CUES that a woman’s brain registers as you being SUPERIOR?

Let me give you just a few right here:
-Not having too much time to talk
-Not being serious about relationships
-Having a confident style of humor
-Not buying her fancy dinners and gifts
-Never seeking her approval
-Not being “judgmental” about her lifestyle.

You see, a woman interprets a guy who actually HAS made a lot of time available for her as a desperate guy.

She thinks that a guy who seems very serious about relationships as a guy who probably can’t get one.

A guy who buys dinners? Well, that’s just a guy who thinks that maybe DINNER will get him laid. That can come off as not only desperate, but CREEPY.

And being judgmental about her lifestyle? Oh, well that’s just you being insecure, in her mind.

The end result is that women end up going for badboys who could care less about relationships, who don’t give a damn about her “liberal” lifestyle since the guy is busy with ten other women, and who wouldn’t pay for a woman’s dinner even if he owned the restaurant!

Now, you don’t have to be a bad guy to attract a woman- instead, you can be the GOOD GUY who knows how to TURN HER “ON”- i.e. who knows how to turn ON her brain’s buttons for ATTRACTION. Now, some situations are a little more complex than others.

For example, let’s say you see a table of six women and two guys, and you’d like to chat up the women.

Well, the first thing you have to realize is that it’s STILL all about POWER.

But since women have been conditioned to appear as “hard to get” ESPECIALLY in front of their friends, women don’t want to risk their SOCIAL STATUS AND POWER among their peer group by being all talkative to you.

This is why, even if you DO pull all the switches, if you go straight to the woman you wanted to talk to and avoided her friends, you MIGHT get a negative result, depending on how secure and also how liberal her friends are.

THAT IS THE ONLY REASON THE WOMAN YOU WANT TO TALK TO MIGHT NOT SEEM AS “EASY”.

Ahhh, but what if the FRIENDS ALL THOUGHT you were AWESOME?

What if you spent enough time with each friend (this may require that you have some material prepared so that you don’t stall and look uncool) so that each one thought you were the most cool, powerful guy they had ever met?

What if THEY ALL were attracted to you as well?

Ahhh, well THEN the woman you would like to talk to would feel that by talking to you, she is DOING WHAT ALL HER FRIENDS WANT TO DO AS WELL, and so she cannot be judged in a bad light by the others.

RISK TO HER POWER AND SOCIAL STATUS WITH FRIENDS: ZERO.

This all has very little to do with “friendship” and very much to do with POWER.

Women only want to get “friendly” with you when you STIMULATE the part of their evolutionary brain that thinks it detects POWER.

Note: Showing off usually is a sign of LACKING power. More on this in my advanced material.

But before I end this newsletter, I want to explain one more thing: SEXUAL ATTRACTION is not only about being SUPERIOR, but about making your superiority something a woman can BENEFIT from.

So you see, if you are chatting with a woman who doesn’t think she is all that hot, and who thinks that YOU are SO HOT that you are TOO GOOD FOR HER, i.e. that it is HOPELESS for her to even THINK of being with you, you will have NO ATTRACTION from her.

This is similar to how some people might get jealous of some guy who has a slightly bigger house, but very few people actually will get jealous of Bill Gates, because the thought is so out of their reality that they don’t even hope to get that wealthy.

The application of this is that if you are trying to attract a woman who is not so gorgeous, or who’s self-esteem is not that high, go easier on the superiority stuff, because you might just FRY her. You might even have to be NICE, depending on how awesome she thinks YOU are, and how NOT awesome she thinks SHE is.

A lot of powerful concepts have been touched on in this newsletter, and this is just the TIP OF THE ICEBERG. There is so much more, regarding ALL the EXACT things to do and say to convey POWER, to figuring out what type of personality a woman is, to knowing when memorizing material is helpful, to knowing how to create your own material, to how to get INSTANT dates upon meeting women anywhere, to using your body language and tonality, to excelling at online dating, and much much more.

November 26, 2008 Posted by | sexual attraction | Leave a comment

Eye Contact and sexual attraction

Some men and women have the knack of attracting people to them at Partys and other social occasions. They are simply applying the little-known secrets of sexual attraction. If you learn these skills, you’ll become equally successful from now on. Are you ready to know the skills? Here they are:

Find someone and maintain eye contact with them.

Looking longer than usual into another person’s eyes shows your interest and it can make that person feel special. Widen your eyes a little. US studies show that sexual interest is revealed by wider-opened eyes and this can be arousing to the other person.

Men and women were asked to look at sets of photographs of other men and women – one person in each pair of photographs had their eyes enlarged by retouching the pictures. These people were almost always seen as being most attractive. Practise widening your eyes by looking in the mirror. This can help you to convey the correct image. Be careful not to gaze at somebody for too long – an intent gaze is alluring only when it is welcomed by the other person. If not, then you will simply look creepy and make them feel uncomfortable.

Create sexual attraction:

Do this by using open body signals. When you meet someone you find attractive, you’ll sometimes feel tense and nervous and your body language will often reflect those feelings. Examples of this could be arms folded, hands clasped and legs crossed together. These closed body signals are telling the other person that you don’t want them near you.

To make someone feel really welcome, you need to send out open body signals. Stand facing them directly, and put your arms at your sides. Keep your shoulders back and lean forward slightly as this shows attentiveness to the other person. Or, sit resting your arms on the arms of the chair to indicate you are very receptive to the person in front of you. Keep your legs uncrossed. If you can sit in a chair that’s lower than their chair, that person will feel more comfortable with you.

Build That Sexual Attraction by emulating the other person’s body language.

November 26, 2008 Posted by | sexual attraction | Leave a comment

Sexual Attraction

Sexual Attraction Among Humans

Diana Fernandez

Being a heterosexual female, in the twenty first century, I pride myself on the fact that I take people at more than face value, that I appreciate human beings for their character rather than for their looks. I scoff at women who proclaim that they will not date a guy unless he has substantial material assets, a broad back, and good breeding. Yet why do I find myself making conversation with physically attractive males while blowing the off more unattractive ones? Why does my head whip around when I see a man in a Porsche? Why do my male friends all have the same prerequisites for the perfect female despite race and ethnicity: perky breasts, slim waist, and full lips? Despite most people’s lofty notions of equality, and beauty being in the eye of the beholder, we are all susceptible to certain physical, and material traits that make some humans more desirable than others. Perhaps we cannot punish ourselves for our weakness when we see beautiful and successful people, part of the answer lies in the biology and evolution of humans. Males and females have different standards for a desirable mate, and we share many of these characteristics with other animals in the animal kingdom, yet these instincts are inherent for a reason: reproduction.

“As unromantic and pragmatic as it may seem, nature’s programming of our brains to select out and respond to stimuli as sexually compelling or repelling simply makes good reproductive sense”(1) . Recent studies have indicated that certain physical characteristics stimulate a part of the brain called the hypothalamus, which is followed by sensations such as elevated heart rate, perspiration, and a general feeling of sexual arousal. So what visual queues instigate these feelings of sexual arousal in men? How does it differ from what women find attractive? “A preference for youth, however, is merely the most obviously of men’s preferences linked to a woman’s reproductive capacity”(2). The younger the female the better the capacity for reproduction, hence attributes that males find attractive and contingent on signs of youthfulness. “Our ancestors had access to two types of observable evidence of a woman’s health and youth: features of physical appearance, such as full lips, clear skin, smooth skin, clear eyes, lustrous hair, and good muscle tone, and features of behavior, such as a bouncy, youthful gait, and animated facial expressions”(2) . Cross-cultural studies have found that men, despite coming from different countries find similar traits attractive in females. Men’s preferences are biologically and evolutionarily hardwired to find signs of youth and health attractive in women in order to determine which females are best suited to carry on their gene, and legacy. Healthier and more youthful women are more likely to reproduce, and be able to take care of the children after birth, hence ensuring a perpetuation of the male’s gene.

Scientist’s have also been establishing that scent plays an important role in deeming females attractive. At certain points during their menstrual cycle women produce more or less estrogen accordingly. During certain times thought the menstrual cycle their sent can be more or less appealing to males. “A research team reports in the Aug. 30 NEURON that the brains of men and women respond differently to two putative pheromones, compounds related to the hormones testosterone and estrogen. When smelled, an estrogen like compound triggers blood flow to the hypothalamus in men’s brains but not women’s, reports Ivanka Savic of the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm”(3) .

Men are not the only ones subject to biological predispositions in deeming attraction. “Women are judicious, prudent, and discerning about the men they consent to mate with because they have so many valuable reproductive resources to offer”(2) . Men produce sperm by the thousands, yet women produce about 400 eggs in their lifetime, and the trials of pregnancy and child rearing are long and arduous, hence their preferences and what they find sexually attractive in a male are based more on security and longevity of relationships. Athletic prowess is an important attribute to most women that hearkens back to the beginning of man. An athletic and well-muscled male is more likely to be a good hunter hence provide for a family. Large and athletic male can also provide physical protection from other males.

I was speaking to one of my male friends the other day when he mentioned that when he was in a bar speaking to an attractive girl, he always lied about his profession, telling them he was either a lawyer, doctor, or investment banker. What do all of these professions have in common? Money. Women are attracted to a successful male because this is indicative of his ability to provide for a family. This is a desirable trait that is shared by females thought the animal kingdom. “When biologist Reuven Yosef arbitrarily removed portions of some males’ (Gray shrike, a bird that lives in the desert of Israel) caches and added edible objects to others, females shifted to the males with the larger bounties”(2) . Yet a man has had more than just the resources to attract a female, he also has to be willing to share them. Women tend to be attracted to more generous men because this is indicative of how they will treat them in the future, a man cannot withhold his resources from a female and their offspring.

Sexual attraction does have biological and evolutionary traits. Yet humans do have the ability to transgress the standardization of what is attractive. The topics that I touched upon can vary from person to person, yet are all inherently a part of the human species. We are not fully beyond the basic drives of our biological and evolutionary makeup, yet not all of our desires for a sexual mate are purely physical and material, there is always the mysterious capacity to fall in love and maintain a lasting relationship with one other person.

1. The evolutionary Theory of Sexual Attraction, a site posted by the university of Missouri, Kansas city.

2. Buss. The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. New York: HarperCollins, 1994.
3. Brain Scans Reveal Human Pheromones, a news source found by encyclopedia brittanica when entered the search key word, “sexual attraction”

November 26, 2008 Posted by | sexual attraction | | Leave a comment

   

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