Ok, let’s talk a bit about rapport. To me, rapport is when your target feels comfortable around you, trusts you and feels a connection with you.
It’s vital for rapport to be created in order to be consistently successful in PU.
However just like attraction, you cannot MAKE anyone feel rapport. You cannot MAKE anyone feel comfortable around you nor can you MAKE anyone trust you. And you definitely cannot MAKE anyone feel a connection with you.
As soon as you try to make someone trust you, you behave like someone who cannot be trusted. Imagine a used car salesman you just met telling you:
“There’s nothing wrong with this car. Absolutely nothing at all! Trust me!”
The first thing you’ll think is “OK, what’s wrong with this car?”
The same if you try to make some one feel comfortable around you. Think back to when you were alone with a girl and she was nervous. You try to calm her down by saying “It’s OK, just relax, it’ll be all right.”
Then the chick immediately starts thinking “Why? What’s he going to do to me?”
As soon as you try to make someone feel comfortable around you is when you start to make people nervous.
You’ll get pretty much the same way results if you try to make someone feel a connection with you.
Again just as with attraction, it’s confusing and counter-intuitive, isn’t it?
So now the million-dollar question:
How do we create the trust, comfort and connection with our targets?
Just as emulating the qualities of attractive people generates attraction, rapport is generated by emulating the qualities of people we trust, feel comfortable around and have a connection with.
So let’s take a look at how we behave around our family, good friends and lovers. These are people we have rapport with. Then we’ll compare that with people we don’t have rapport with, namely strangers.
Let’s start with trust and comfort.
Have you ever observed how 2 strangers talk to each other?
They stand face to face with some distance in between them. That distance is what society refers to as “personal space.” We are taught from early childhood to respect the personal space of others. Strangers make sure they don’t get into the other’s personal space. The topic of discussion is usually something neutral and serious. You also noticed that they are tense around each other and not completely relaxed. They are usually concerned about saying the right thing and not offending the other or doing something that will leave a bad impression on the other. And they definitely aren’t touching each other.
Now compare this with how 2 best friends or lovers interact with each other. They stand or sit next to each other. They’re in each other’s personal spaces. They’re completely relaxed and comfortable around each other. The topic of discussion is usually personal, it could be very serious or humorous. They might be cracking jokes and having fun together. These 2 aren’t worried about saying the right thing or doing something that will leave a bad impression, because they already know each other. And if they’re lovers then they certainly aren’t afraid of touching or getting sensual with each other.
If you want your target to feel trust and comfort around you then you have to behave like someone she could trust and feel comfortable around. That means you have to get in her personal space. You can’t be worried about saying the wrong thing or leaving a bad impression. You have to touch her, talk about personal things with her, laugh and have fun with her and most importantly, you have to relax and be comfortable yourself around her.
You have to behave exactly as her lover would behave around her.
Now let’s discuss this thing called connection. A connection is something you feel towards someone that you believe knows and understands you and you know and understand that person.
So in order to have a connection with your target, you have to get to know and understand her and she has to get to know and understand you.
How do we do this?
I call it qualifying. Qualifying is finding out if your target has the qualities you are looking for. In order to do this you have to first know what qualities you are looking for in a woman. This is one of the questions from the Natural Game –Basics section.
So how do we go about qualifying? How do you find out if women have the qualities you are looking for?
The biggest mistake I see most guys do is asking women straight out without getting specific. For instance, I read about a lot of guys who go around asking women if they are adventurous. So what is adventurous?
Suppose you are buying a used car. Not that I’m comparing picking up women to buying a used car!
But this is just to show demonstrate where guys go wrong when trying to get to know a woman.
OK so you see a car that you like and you talk to the salesman. Now do you just ask him straight out if everything is OK with the car?
No of course not! Because if you do, he will just say “Yes” and you will learn nothing about the car. Following the same line of thinking, it’s like asking the salesman if he’s trustworthy. Ridiculous.
Instead you want to find out everything about the car that you can so there are no hidden surprises after you already paid for it. You want a clear demonstration that the car is fully functional.
Getting back to PU, you need to know what specific qualities you are looking for, then you give her a chance to demonstrate those qualities.
So if you, like me, enjoy traveling and want to know if she likes doing the same then talk about traveling and let her do the same. For example, talk about some of your most memorable trips and let her talk about hers.
Tell stories in VIVID details, paint up scenarios and pictures for her to imagine herself in. The more details that you can put up, the better she’ll be able to understand what you’re talking about, the better she’ll be able to understand you and the easier she’ll be able to connect with you. Which is exactly what you want.
When you qualify like this and get down to specific details, you will start to see her for the unique creature she is. The best part is she will want to do the same with you, when she sees that you are not asking the same old boring crap that most guys talk about, “Where you from?”, “What do you do? “, etc.
Now when she understands that you are getting to know her for who she is, that you are trying to connect with her, she is able to trust you and feels comfortable around you, then she will feel a connection with you. And if you add her feeling attraction for you into the equation, then she will feel a sexual connection with you.
This is essentially the same thing I have been talking about here forever, focus, what have you. I post when I learn a little bit more about how to explain that special thing that lets me live my life. The nature of this special thing is really beyond the reach of our language and ingrained system of beliefs, so I take little opportunities like the inspiration I just had to try again to explain it.
Every person you communicate with regularily you have a ‘voice’ for. Check yourself, see if you can understand what I mean by that. It’s like a personality mode, set to the person you are talking to, tuned to past good topics and senses of humor, tuned away from bad ones. You also have a voice for strangers – a certain personality mode you snap into when talking to them, again tuned to past good topics with other strangers.
Some examples of this in real life: the person that you only find out is actually really funny once you’ve known them for a few weeks, every time you’ve ever had two separate groups of friends of yours meet and you get that awkward feeling, etc.
The voice is a creation of yours, and people like us suffer(ed) because no one taught us how to create a “talking to ladies” one. We come here and we study how to make one, how to make a good one, how to improve them, etc.
Anyway, this special “thing” I always talk about, is just – NOT using any of those voices. Not using any ‘personality mode’. Now, to relate this with what I have previously talked about – an example of a situation where you naturally don’t use a voice is when you are truly focused, using a voice is a REACTIVE thing (reactive to the presence of someone in your presence), being socially lazy is an example of blatantly not using a voice, etc.
Basically, what I want you to do is take a snapshot of yourself right now. Alone, probably pretty confident that no one is going to pop in and look at your computer screen, you have possibly masturbated in the last few hours or are planning to soon (I am), etc. Now think about what would happen if someone walked in.. (and, now, this is deep shit I am getting into, don’t delve into this unless you feel you are mentally stable), you would snap into a voice, and it would probably be a ‘hey buddy, Im kind of doing my own thing here’ voice. And you would have no idea that you were even doing it – but every response, every bodily shift would be tuned to all the times in the past that conversations have started and ended quickly. You would probably yawn, lean against the wall, be very quick to respond in laughter or validation and very unlikely to start any new topics of conversation. And conciously you have NO idea that you are doing any of these things – all you are CONCIOUSLY doing is talking to your buddy and wanting him to leave. THATS the voice.
Now, the thing about the voice is that it does not use your whole brain.. this is the reason for every stupid thing you’ve ever said in conversation that you’ve wondered later “why did I think it was a good idea to say that?” – well, you didnt THINK. You just used the voice. Why is it we tend to say more stupid things when trying to impress women? Well, not a very well developed voice.. lots of holes in it.
And if you have gotten what I meant by “the voice”, or the personality mode, you will also see that you have one for literally every aspect of your social life. Your clothes, your style, your hair included. This is why your parents think it is so funny to hear you when you are talking on the phone to one of your buddies and why they made fun of your metal t-shirts in high school. This is why you’ve been an asshole to your best friends while in the presence of cooler people.
Picture this – you are in a given place, anywhere, X, let’s just say it is talking to a girl. Now imagine that, inside your head, you are in the EXACT same mental state as YOU ARE, RIGHT NOW. You, sitting on your computer. I mean, it’s almost incomprehensible, I know. But, there it is – that is why you are still failing, still reading advice on the internet – because if you were successful enough in life so far that you felt comfortable enough naturally to not have to only use half your brain, not have to use a tuned conversation machine while talking to someone, you would BE alpha. You would actually BE an alpha male.. thats what alpha males ARE.
When the way you act correlates 100% to what YOU, RIGHT NOW, actually think, well, that’s alpha. Congrats, buddy, no more faking it, you ARE alpha. And, all that goes with that. Including women, and any social group, etc. And being a leader.
And well, basically, everything I have ever talked about.
“Do you have any pointers on HOW to speak with only one voice? Or to get closer to doing so?”
Let me first say it is Hard, there will Always be moments of weakness, too.
The first thing I did, and this made such a difference in my life that I have spent the last year posting about what I have learned from doing this, is really SLOWED DOWN my thought process while in conversation. I briefly imposed a rule on myself, and I still use this rule when I am feeling weak, to always wait 2 seconds before responding in any way in a conversation. I just count “1,2” in my head and then respond.
This allowed me the time to check all the auto-responses such as instantaneous laughter or other forms of validation, and it also let the things I say be more related to what I was thinking than what was just popping out of my head.
The result is, I only laugh at jokes that are funny, I don’t laugh nervously, and everything I say is well thought out. It also helped me slow down my rate of speech, and consequently my mumbling problem. And these things started a chain reaction of confidence-competence-confidence-competence, until I got to the point where I was fairly happy with myself and could really just stop putting effort into really any socialities. Which means I am happier, lazier, and also means I tend to become the leader of groups and women tend to fall in love with me.
It’s all about the inner-game. I think some of the “veterans” of seduction have come to realize that it’s a lot more important to understand the roots of successful communication rather than the appearances of it.
Sure, we all see what’s going on on the outside of a successful seducer, but for the untrained eye, it’s hard to see what’s happening at a deeper level.
- THE IMPORTANCE OF THE PLACE
- Sexual Transmutation experiences
- More on Sexual transmutation
- SEXUAL TRANSMUTATION
- Sexual transmutation an introduction
- So what is Sexual transmutation?
- Learn to say ‘no’
- The Direct Mind Set & 9 reasons why you should be this way!
- You do not have to follow a system or method
- Open your energies and give her space.