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The truth about opening.

I feel this is something I’m qualified to talk about. When I first entered the community the concept of cold approaching terrified me. I had good social awareness and fairly good social skills…if I was introduced to someone in social circle setting I would have no problems engaging in a fun, witty, sometimes deep conversation. But the cold approach…the very thought of it would force me to lock up, both physically and mentally. I remember nights in the early days where I would go hours without opening a set. I’d slam down drink after drink…I’d do laps of the club…I’d keep getting a weak bladder and need to hit the toilet again.

Despite this, I would push on, and force myself into sets. It wasn’t always bad, but mostly it was. It was a rare moment when I felt completely congruent with my approach. Part of this was because I was constantly wearing my PU mask. I would introduce myself as Matt, but I was really presenting Inastate. Part of it was because I was hiding my intentions, because I was ashamed of my Intentions. I wasn’t worthy.

Today…things are different. I’m sure there are plenty of guys in the community who are significantly more competent at opening than me. There may even be guys out there who are completely fcuked up on the inside…who can open better than me. What I can say is that I’ve gone from someone with crippling AA, to the complete other end of the spectrum. I’ve gone from someone who would occasionally get a positive response to the complete other end of the spectrum. I’ve learnt the Truth about Opening.

Epiphany #1 – The Universal Opener…Just say Hi
Opinion openers were responsible for the height of my incompetence in the world of opening. I’m not sure if I’ve ever successfully pulled off an opinion opener. They just never resonated with me. I liked some of the more intricate ones like Style’s two part kiss opener, but quite frankly lacked the memory and tact to be able to deliver it properly. I also saw it and other similar openers more as an A3 routine. Some of the less intricate ones like ‘who’d win a fight between batman and superman’ just seemed fcuking lame to me, and as such the responses I’d get started to become fairly predictable. Needless to say they generally weren’t the intended one  I felt comfortable with situational openers, and had a few that regularly opened well, but alas they held an inherent flaw…they were only of value in specific…situations.

As has been highlighted many many times in this community, ’The field always holds the answers’. As I continued to go out, as I continued to be social, as I continued to enter more sets I learnt the power of ‘Hi. How are guys tonight’. It wouldn’t always open, but it certainly felt a lot more congruent for me. Some people suggest that saying ‘Hi’ is a bit too direct…My first counter would be that I think it’s good to be a bit more direct/real, and my second is that from my experience nothing telegraphs your interest more than a mis-placed ‘opinion opener’ which in most environments was exactly what I was delivering. To this day…’Hi’ is still my most successful opener. The large percentage of my best PU’s have started with the humble ‘Hi’. Keep it simple…this aint all that difficult.

Epiphany #2 – The gift of Me
I was starting to make a shift. The biggest challenge for me at the start was a feeling of not wanting to interrupt or disturb the people I was approaching. People talk about putting cute girls on pedestals…fcuk…I was putting the entire world on a pedestal. So I discovered the concept of the ‘Gift of Me’. I reframed my opening as providing the gift of me. This was an opportunity…not a burden. Some people accepted the gift of me, others didn’t. It still had an impact when the gift of me was rejected, but the reframe certainly softened the blow. Over time the technique of reframing started to fade away…and I was left only with the reality of ‘the gift of me’.

I see guys get stuck in this phase. There’s a trap for young players…if you’re not careful. They claim to be offering the ‘Gift of Me’ but instead provide the ‘Gift of (enter PU persona here)’. It is not about coming in and offering value to their next five minutes…it is about coming in and offering value to their night…heck, value to their life. The ‘Gift of Me’ has to be genuine. You have to know who ‘Me’ is first before you can offer it.

Epiphany #3 – I don’t like to Cold Approach
I was becoming more successful with approaching but the cold approach still didn’t feel natural to me. It still felt a little forced. I remember reading a post where a guy made the statement that he didn’t like to cold approach. One of the replies, which I think was from Harlequin was short, sweet, and incredibly profound. ‘Well then…why don’t you try Warm Approaching’? This concept became very symbolic for me, and was the final push I needed to cement the ‘Gift of Me’. It was amazing the difference it made. Set’s just smashed open. I felt 100% congruent, and I started to really enjoy opening. My words were the same, but my intent behind the words was different. I was no longer opening…I was just being Warm. And let’s be honest who doesn’t want a little bit more warmth in their lives?

Epiphany #4 – The Sphinxes Gate
By now I was starting to realize that the success of opening wasn’t really random. I’ve heard people say that there are so many variables with opening. What if her dog’s just passed away, or if she’s just had a fight with a friend, or has just been hit on by 10 guys in 10 minutes. For the most part, there is only one variable. YOU…and more specifically your belief.

In the Never Ending Story Atreyu has to pass through the Sphinxes Gate to get to the Southern Oracle. Only a person who ‘knows their own worth’ may pass through. Any man found doubting himself, showing fear will trigger the Sphinxes eyes to open upon which he will be shot down with bolts of lightning. “Fancy amour doesn’t help…the sphinxes can see straight into your heart.”

Approaching women is not all that different. The reality is that most approaches don’t fail because the girls reject you, most approaches fail because you reject yourself. If you approach without knowing your own worth…if approach without knowing with 100% certainty that you will get a warm response…you are likely to wear the wrath of the Sphinxes and be shot down. At first this might be daunting. In time however, when you truly understand this truth…it is fcuking liberating…it is enlightening…This ‘Truth’ will literally set you Free. Approach Anxiety…what the fcuk is that…you will transcend to a reality where AA doesn’t exist.

The following snippet is from a recent FR. I could literally feel this girl searching me…but I knew my own worth, and as such sucked her into my reality through the power of my Intent.

I open a cute blonde about her ‘spray tan’. She hesitates at first…I can sense she’s about to blow me out…but I just hold firm and Vacuum. I can feel her searching me for weakness…I continue to Vacuum…A little more searching…a little more…and suddenly…snap…she goes weak at the knees and it’s all over.

This is the TRUTH about Opening. It is all about intent. It is all about belief. It is all about having the creativity to paint your own reality. Once you understand the Truth about opening…The truth of the world will start to open up to you )


November 26, 2008 - Posted by | Opening | , , , , , , , , ,

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