Donatello´s nest

Wellcome To Donatello´s nest

Reactive game Vs Proactive game

By Rob Overman, Charisma Arts Instructor.

I crammed my feet into the backseat of one of those cars from The Italian Job. We tore up the hills and spun Mini Coopers are Awesomearound the corners of the street of San Francisco.

We were late. Wayne rode shotgun, since he’s the boss and all, and GK and I sat with our knees stretched into our adam’s apples in the back.

The car slid into a parking space by Fort Mason and we pulled ourselves out and headed up to the conference room.

What followed was a 3+ hour talk that covered the basic tenets of the Charisma Arts Method.

GK started with some introductions then I stepped in to talk about the Big 4 (the basics of everything we teach). The idea for having something simple (like, really simple when you compare it to all the BS social theory and ideas on “female psychology” that some guys will try to push on you when you read all this pick up material) came from over two years of teaching bootcamps almost every weekend.

I realized that guys were automatically (maybe subconsciously) dropping themselves into a mindset of reactive game instead of doing proactive game.

It’s easy to see which one a guy is running.

Asks too many questions, looking for a good response? Reactive game.

Thinking of the next thing to say instead of listening? Reactive game, trying to force an outcome.

Looking for her to set up a qualification so you can disqualify? Reactive game.

Listening for her to tell you something interesting about herself so you can SOI? Reactive game.

And this stuff was KILLING their results. Straight up murder.

It’s because you can’t lead when you’re relying on her input. Too many guys were asking questions in desperate hope that she’ll say something cool that they could SOI on. But what about when that doesn’t happen? I’ll tell you: they’re screwed.

Guys weren’t listening to what she was saying, they were talking too much and trying to fill up the “space” of an interaction. Guys were talking to girls holding this tool called disqualification in their hands waiting to throw it at her just because they could. It was like watching a carpenter drive a nail into a board with an allen wrench.

The Big Four began as a way to simplify what was taught at a bootcamp into the BASIC but POWERFUL concepts in EASY TO UNDERSTAND language. As a happy side surprise, it forced guys to lead the interaction. Win-win, baby.

Back to the talk. I brought on Wayne, who talked for hours and pulled guys up and out of the audience to do examples. It reminded me of the old Charisma Seminars we used to do, but with less audience participation. Those things used to be full of group exercises whereas the public talks are more a chance to pick Wayne’s brain.


November 16, 2008 - Posted by | Introduction to the Game | , , , , , , , , ,

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