Donatello´s nest

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Dominance Through sustained eye contact

Written by a Woman.

Let’s say your initial screening hints that a particular woman might be submissive. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then a submissive woman looking into the eyes of a dominant man should feel a “Je nais se quoi” connection. The trick is for the man to establish eye contact and hold it for more than a beat or two and to give her a subtle opportunity to acknowledge her submissive nature quietly to him. Sustained eye contact is defined as that condition where the submissive woman becomes either fully engaged for an uncomfortable length of time or she has to look away because of rising discomfort. Between a dominant man and a submissive woman, sustained eye contact will generally register complementary personality on a nonverbal level.

A person’s frank gaze has weight and muscularity. You remember them, the stern catholic school nun who commanded you to look into her eyes to see if you were trying to lie; the steel-eyed used car salesman; the ultra-benevolent fundraiser, the soft-spoken teacher who teaches all the troubled kids and never raises his voice or have problem that would send other teachers into retirement. These are all people who seem to possess some innate ability to make us move in ways that belie our original intent—be it to lie about not doing homework; to make an untimely car purchase; or to write a check for $200.00 when a determination had been made not to contribute a dollar above $10. For all intents and purposes, these people might not possess a dominant bone in their bodies, but they possess a skill of maintaining eye contact until you flinch out of shear discomfort, heading towards terror. You are suggestible in their presence because they look into your being and see what is obscured from the casual observer. They appear to have the ability to see the fake, the phoney. It’s like going to confession.

To a submissive woman, sustained eye contact sends an unequivocal message of acknowledgement, connection, attention and empathy. It says: I am feeling you emotionally, looking into your eyes to hear what your lips have no reason to convey—to cause you to drop the guard that separates strangers. Sustained eye contact, in the hands of a novice, is almost dangerous. It gives the one who does it well the upper hand in short term negotiation. However, in the hands of an experienced dominant man, once the submissive is fully engage (if she allows it), he should then ask her a simple question. This question establishes immediate truth; ill refutable vulnerability, and role clarity Here is an example of the dialogue. It is so simple, it’s elegant:

(Eye contact is now 4 or 5 seconds old–which is an eternity when conversation is underway, but nothing substantive is being said.). Let’s listen in…

Dominant Male: I will be able to pick my laundry up on Wednesday, yes? (eye contact being sustained)

Submissive Woman: Yes. (still engaged…eye contact perhaps 10 seconds in duration)

Dominant Male: You meant, yes sir, didn’t you?

Submissive Woman: yes, sir…that is what I meant.

Two important observations:

One, eye contact is not the same thing as staring. No submissive woman (or any other) responds positively to a stare, be it one filled with antagonism or one of mindless indifference. But, sustained eye contain in the hands of a dominant man yields instant dividends. It registers your emotional presence; it demands attention, and it hints to a wellspring of dominance flowing just beneath the surface.

Two, if there is more than a generation of difference in age, then the apparent submissiveness might not be submissiveness at all. Rather, if could be a desire to be deferential to one’s elders. The above dialogue could be more about respecting one’s elders than a visceral exchange between a dominant man and a submissive woman. However, if a 41 year old woman has a verbal exchange with a 39 year old man similar to the sample dialogue I cited, then, by definition, deference on the basis of age can’t even be implied.

Sustained eye contact takes practice, but once you realize that you can cut through the exterior and touch people in a way that, quite literally, forces them to deal with you in a more courteous, expeditious, and subservient manner, your dominant presence is maximized. And for a true dominant male, dominance gained is tough to relinquish.

As I said, sustained eye contact is not for the faint of heart; but shouldn’t a dominant man’s personality be able to initiate and handle this level of communication. If not, perhaps his dominance is contrived and only aimed at the self professed, such as those who register as submissive women in obvious places.


November 2, 2008 - Posted by | Eye Contact | , , , , , ,

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