Donatello´s nest

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getting rid of approach anxiety

By Troy, Chrasma Arts Instructor.

Just wanna share my way of doing things. This is the same part of the lecture i give out in my weekend bootcamps and i certainly hope everyone who reads this can gain a thing or two because its helped student after student with their AA and Inner game issues. I just want to give back to theplace for being an excellent resource and a place of good camaraderie in the annals of self-improvement and seduction. This is also a key insight into my core beliefs and i hope it answers the questions on inner game/aa that everyone has sent me.


Remember, when you were an innocent kid with no care in the world, what were your attributes?

a) You Approached People without Fear and Said What you Wanted to Say

I can remember talking to everybody wheni was a kid! Even until now i still remembermy little nephew coming up to girls, guys, whoever. When i was in a plane, i loved to walk around and talk to the flight attendants in the galley. When i had my 6th Bday in France it was hosted by an Uncle who had a Toupe and i told him “Uncle, your hair looks so fake” :w00t: I remember being loud with girls in the playground and i loved making friends. My line was “hey i like you, youre my new friend”

b) You were persistent

Mom said dont take cookies from the jar? We never took NO for an answer. We persisted, tried different methods…”Please ma!” NO! “Oh cmon. (fakes crying)” NO! “maaaaaa…..” NO! “Just one, promise…” WELL, OKAY BUT JUST ONE!

c) You had your own world

I remember clearly when i was a kid and the WWE (then called WWF) had big names like Hogan. I’d dress up in my long socks and had made up elbow pads and sh*t. I also remember acting out darth vader by using a blanket as my cape. All im saying is that i had my own bubble, and i never had a care in the world.

d) You were curious

You saw things and people as unchartered territory that you had to explore. You were naturally curious. You chatted up people because you understood that theres something about them you dont know, and that youd like to find out.


f) You were a RISK TAKER

If you saw a little 2 meter ditch in the ground, you’d probably jump it…..with your BIKE:w00t: Screw the distance, it looks cool so lemme try it…moments later youre crying in pain but heck, you still did it!

Awesome, awesome attributes eh?


Maybe during your childhood, RULES CAME INTO PLAY. Suddenly there are all these authority figures telling you what you can and cant do. Your child like essence is starting to get covered up.

To protect yourself from harm, danger, fear, and embarrassment, (maybe in primary school) You become a rule-follower. You start playing life by OTHERS’ Rules and not your own.

It gets worse.

You get into more things to protect yourself. you cover yourself up with external things to increase your value (maybe cars, clothing, lifestyle stuff). nothing wrong with that, but the more layers pile up on your child-like essence, the more disconnected you are…youre starting to find it difficult to approach people and you think its actually weird or unnatural. Maybe you become the guy who just goes about his day and not smiling. You become more successful in other areas of your life and rejection is not an option. It is painful to you.

You stop being persistent and start sabotaging some of your plans. “Its not worth it” you say. “I’d rather play safe than take a risk”

You start to live in other people’s worlds. And try to accomplish success based on OTHER’s standards. You start watching reality TV and wish that you were that person. You focus more on what you dont have as opposed to appreciating what you have now.

You stop being naturally curious and assume and pre-judge people even before you meet them. You probably engage in gossip in the office. You see a girl and automatically you think of 100 things about her that you havent actually proven. So guess what youre not gonna talk to her and youre gonna go about your day.

Since when did this happen?

Years and years of piled up layers that cover up your child-like essence. Imagine a chocolate-covered peanut. Its the product of what the world imposed to you, as well as pre-judging others.

You have to get rid of it. how? Just remember your Child-like Essence (I just described on the first part of this article) and live that way. Strip layers of your ego down.Its not too late and im sure you guys can clearly remember what that was like. (Some exceptions though if you had a really rough childhood, i can understand that). I live my life this way personally and its taken me to heights that i previously would have never dreamt possible.

yes, its important to reconnect with that side of yourself.

A few weekends ago I saw a 12 year old kid “pick up” a total hot blonde LA chick while inflight. I was at the aisle seat and I was just amazed how this kid used all the previous traits. It was his first time to fly and was so enthusiastic about it. He was curious and took charge of the convo, and the chick, no matter how much of a bitch, stand-offish tone she gave, gradually gave in because the kid’s inquiries were GENUINE. He made her laugh. He made her curious about him.

In the end she spent around $30 buying the kid Pringles, chips, and candy inflight.

That’s what I’m talking about!


November 1, 2008 - Posted by | Inner Game | , , , , ,

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