The compliment: On the surface, it’s a straightforward expression, one clearly designed for the express purpose of making someone smile and feel better about themselves, but beneath the surface lies a ceaselessly chaotic obstacle course. It’s loaded with assumptions, misinterpretations, suspicion, and even duplicity. So suddenly, the seemingly simple process of paying a compliment becomes far more complicated. Many men believe a compliment sounds perfect in their minds, but are often surprised when things “inexplicably” turn south. Well, I’m here to explain the apparently inexplicable, and why you have to be extra careful when choosing your words and delivery. Mess it up and you could be sitting alone at the club, staring at an empty mug and wondering what went wrong… So here are several compliments women can’t resist.

“I could talk to you all night long.”

As you will find with many of the compliments listed here, we’re focusing on the values of a woman — what the female deems important and flattering. Any man who has ever had even the slightest contact with the fairer sex knows that women place a high value on communication. Hence, after talking to her for a while, you need to drop the compliment that not only flatters but also excites. These are the types of compliments women can’t resist. Say it with a distinct tone of pleased surprise: “Wow, I could talk to you all night long!” Obviously, this only works if the two of you have already established a well-paced, comfortable discussion, but it’s perfect if this situation presents itself. During such a great conversation, you will be expected to provide a compliment, and there’s nothing better than this solid standby.

“I like the way your mind works.”

Many women have come to expect the “Hey, you’re really smart!” comment, and these tips here are created to set you apart. Therefore, you need to take the next step that not only proves you listen, but that you’re also impressed with her mind in general. Now, despite what you may think, this compliment is not conditional; it’s not reliant on her actual intelligence. Such a comment as this can follow any remark of hers that represents a slight twist on the current subject or simply casts the subject in a new light. Something small, like an ironic observation constructed to make you smile or laugh, and you’re primed and ready to deliver the appropriate comment. She likely won’t even expect it as she wasn’t trying to impress you, and the key to any woman’s heart is an unexpected gift.

“You look fantastic.”

Most men who don’t fit the “metrosexual” label get up, locate whatever is clean and put it on. On the flip side, most women spend plenty of time selecting each piece of an outfit, which is highly dependent on multiple factors. Therefore, rather than trying the tired “That’s a beautiful dress,” you can tweak it for the sake of freshness by generalizing and summing up the entire ensemble: “You look fantastic.” Make sure you comment on the fact that her earrings are a good selection and match her top, or perhaps you can notice that her shoes are the “perfect choice.” These are compliments women can’t resist because most females put a tremendous amount of emphasis on their ability to pick out fantastic outfits. It’s not so much about how they look, it’s about her skill in bringing out her most attractive features.

“You’re definitely the hottest of your group.”

Although women tend to travel in groups at nightclubs and bars for general moral support and protection, don’t think for one solitary second that they’re not silently competing against one another. Perhaps they’re not literally clawing each other’s eyes out over one particular guy, but when you go out of your way to place her above her peers, she’ll lap it up like a starving kitten at a saucer of fresh milk. Many men don’t realize that women compare themselves to their friends far more often than guys do, which means such a compliment elevates the girl’s self-esteem. It’s not so much about her own vision of herself; it’s in how she appears to others, and when a man says “You’re definitely the hottest of your group,” she suddenly feels as if she has the physical edge. She won’t be overlooked when the night is over. She’ll be the one beating the guys off with a stick.

words can speak louder… sometimes

Compliments are a necessity when it comes to flirting, but much like any other Player discipline, moderation and timing dictate success ratios. Women expect the compliments to come, but they’re wary of guys who try too hard or assume too much, which means you have to be a strategist and a tactician. Observe, understand what the females will respond to and you can have a repertoire loaded with compliments women can’t resist.

The Player As An Island

The Player is a man who is comfortable in any given social situation; he can relate to just about anyone in a cordial and confident manner and everyone appreciates his charm and charisma. However, many misinterpret this ability; they believe it corresponds to a pressing and continuous need to be the center of attention. And while an effective ladies’ man must never take himself out of the limelight for too long — lest he lose his razor-sharp edge and his visibility — he does keep pieces of himself behind closed doors. He remains mysterious in a number of ways; he keeps a certain distance so intimacy and commitment are never implied. It is possible to remain social and active in every important scene scattered throughout the city, while still being reserved and independent. The Player as an island is a concept that involves selection, not removal; it allows one to be cautious in all the right situations while still offering his services to the vast majority of lovely targets.

The Player separates work and pleasure

One of the most dangerous things any Player can do is to let his social and personal life have an impact on his professional life. Occasionally, this seems almost unavoidable, but there should always be a distinct difference between the nighttime pickup artist and the daytime professional who adheres to every rule of civility and dignity. Ideally, those you work with will never even know about your exploits; bragging about them in the workplace is both classless and counterproductive. Furthermore, introducing women into this world is typically a bad idea, as it automatically leads to feelings of commitment

(it’s only a step below meeting family and friends). The Player will always be a gentleman, regardless of the time of day, but this skill is tweaked for each very different situation.

The Player keeps certain information confidential

We went over this in regards to online social services like facebook

one should always keep vital pieces of personal information to oneself, especially when you’re playing the field. For instance, if you have both a cell phone and a home phone, only give out your cell number (make it Rule No. 1). And while she’ll certainly be aware of your job, she shouldn’t be privy to your schedule; i.e., she shouldn’t know exactly what time you get home so she can be waiting at the door with a “stay-in dinner” invitation. There’s a difference between making yourself available and allowing women to track your movements like GPS satellites. Besides, this contributes to the requisite distance between you two; start getting really personal and you’re only a few tweaks away from full-on intimacy.

The Player can operate on his own

The lesser skilled guys are often forced to frequent clubs and bars simply because they need the assistance. They may not wish to admit it, but having the advantage of wingmen makes everything infinitely easier — especially where breaking up sets of females are concerned — and if you leave these men to their own devices, they often fall directly on their faces. However, many don’t realize that women are often wary of groups of men and are sometimes more likely to respond to the guy who’s clearly there by himself. A group may take the pressure off you but that pressure isn’t removed; it’s merely transferred to the girl. By heading in alone, you allow the women to keep their advantage of numbers and at the same time, a Player is fully capable of appealing to one or many by conducting himself beautifully without additional aid. Just bear in mind that playing the field alone is a strength move that only the initiated should attempt.

The Player doesn’t let a woman change him

One of the most common complaints issued by a woman is that a man “led her on,” i.e., she thought he wanted commitment when he really didn’t, and she blames him for not making it clear. The Player will never let this miscommunication occur because by remaining a self-sufficient, independent guy throughout any casual dating period the girl quickly picks up on that singular note of bachelorhood. The Player isn’t always available, nor is he building or altering his schedule around his new sex interest. His goals will remain the same, his day-to-day life will remain mostly the same, and while he will spend the desired amount of quality time with the girl in question, he can never be categorized as “whipped.” Those men failed to be islands; married or not

they let the most personal pieces of themselves and their lives get away.

be her island getaway

The Player as an island is an idea that often gets lost in the shuffle when up-and-coming ladies men spend all their energy attempting to satisfy their every aching desire. At some point, though, one must realize that a Player’s world isn’t consumed by his love of the fairer sex; it’s merely enhanced by the ladies. And that enhancement must be cultivated — believe it or not, there is such a thing as oversaturation..

Learn some basics in Player etiquette

Gentlemen, this isn’t a normal day. Usually I have many ideas brewing over the course of my days before my next article that give me a few options to write about. However, I feel

it is time I addressed one of the most pressing topics that dogs guys everywhere — Player etiquette. It’s a dying maxim to live by, overlooked by today’s complacent on-the-go society where manners take a backseat to instant pleasures and self indulgence. And yet, I was inspired to write on etiquette when I recently saw some poor schlub at a party demonstrating how not to impress women with bad manners and inappropriate behavior. The sad thing is that he didn’t even know he was doing it, which made his game that much more embarrassing to watch. Good conduct, it seems, might still have some relevance; this guy could have saved his game with the proper Player etiquette every man should know.

There are some lessons men can learn that will instantly improve their chances; here are a few techniques on Player etiquette that will show her you’re a class act.

Bad habits

Chewing your nails, picking your teeth, picking your nose, smoking — it happens all the time, and I’ve seen more guys do it involuntarily than a Player should. Displaying your bad habits when you’re picking up a woman is going to instantly kill your game; your little nuances are as glaring as the skin flakes on your shirt. Really, is that appropriate? I think not.

A Player has to be prudent about the little things he does. While on the surface it may seem harmless and subtle, to her it’s an obtrusive turnoff that’s going to net you a handshake good-bye rather than the desired fervent lip-lock. Be mindful of what your intuition wants you to do, and think about the consequences if you fall back into your bad habits. Then, think about what kind of benefits

you’ll get (from her) if you suppress your otherwise instinctive (but nasty) urges. Chances are your game will move a lot smoother without the social awkwardness rather than with, so just avoid the bad habits at all costs. It’s hard to practice this form of Player etiquette, but it’s definitely worth it.

Watch your mouth

Nothing spells “dating disaster” like carpet-bombing her with the F-word and other soap-to-mouth worthy expressions. Like the bad habits previously mentioned, this common mistake may slip under the tongue without you being aware of it, but it can be as loud as a banshee to her ears. Woman like civilized guys, and since communication is key to a good relationship, you’re not doing yourself any favors spouting an arsenal of crude vulgarities.

Practice watching your mouth. After a while, you won’t even attempt to use the word anymore (you’ll find you just stop using it), making you a gentleman

with better Player etiquette (and a proper vocabulary). Perseverance is paramount to success here, so keep at it and it will come.

Be a gentleman

Good player

etiquette involves doing the little things that show your honor and respect for your female counterpart. Chivalry isn’t dead, although some of the conventional gentlemanly tools are just not as prominent today as they once were (some may see unnecessary male subordination to female desires, while others may see a lack of feminist equality). In either case, proper Player etiquette demands gentlemanly behavior, so find a good balance.

There are many ways a guy can show he’s of good quality. Namely, you are the guiding hand for her to not to worry about life’s little foibles. For example, if you’re driving, open the door for her when she’s getting in or out of the vehicle, let her enter the restaurant first, make sure she gets the better seat at the table, and always take care of the bill at least the first time out. See the pattern? Little displays of respect will prove your good-natured self. Show her that chivalry is alive and well, and proper Player etiquette will follow suit.

Be prompt and reliable

Endemic to your success as a Player is your ability to show up on time. Whether that is by plane, train, automobile, cell phone, text message, pager, or telegraph signal, you can do no better than being a reliable guy that always fulfills on his promise to deliver the goods, which in turn makes for some damn good Player etiquette.

“I’ll call you tomorrow” or “I’ll meet you at the party at eight o’clock” are two promises you’ve just made to a woman that now demand your time and effort. Seems easy to do, right? It should be, but I see far too many guys who make idle promises like these and fail to deliver, leaving nothing but an awkward mess of explanations and excuses that would make a politician proud. Needless to say, walk the walk. If you say you’re going to do it, show some respect and do it without the excuses. Not interested in her? Then do not, under any circumstances, make false promises that leaves the door open. You’re just setting yourself up for disaster. Be prompt and reliable, and you’ll be exhibiting the good Player etiquette that we should all have.

Don’t flash your bling

There is a stark difference between a wealthy man and a self-indulgent one; one spends within reason and the other unreasonably spends. Furthermore, showcasing your goods like being on a Milan catwalk is self-indulgent tripe that only fools can be fooled by, and women are intelligent creatures.

Good etiquette requires a sense of what is reasonable and what is over-the-top, and the latter can turn women off like the flick of a switch. Flagrant displays of wealth can be insulting for her and look cheap on your part. Don’t go all-out and buy everything in the store or restaurant; she’ll see that you’re just trying to buy her affection and won’t fall for it and, if she does, she’s probably warmer to your wallet than she is to you. Keep your spending in check; an effective Player is one who can entertain his date

with a classy night out, but also show humility through restraint. Rollback the bling and everybody wins.

Proper hygeine

Player etiquette isn’t just a psychological game, there’s a physical element to it as well. I know I have waxed poetic about good hygiene in my previous writings, but I can’t stress this oh-so-important factor enough. Your physical presence is the first thing a woman looks at when you approach her, and your personality is a follow-up. Since first impressions are crucial to a players success, maximize your good looks — dress with a sense of class, maintain a good haircut, trim your facial hair, brush those teeth, etc. (these things should go without saying).

Things getting a little passionate? Before you turn on your primal instincts, make sure you’re fully showered and cleaned, trimmed in the right places and ready to have your skin pressed up against hers (women

pay eagle-like attention to a man’s bedroom hygiene). Whatever you do, place a premium on your physical presence; you’ll see that good Player etiquette and a well-kempt man are part and parcel.

Don’t be shocking in bed

So, now you’ve made it all the way to her bedroom, you’re gussied up and the hormones are pulsating at the thought of getting lucky. She’s just as equally aroused as you are, and she’s hoping for a sensual full-body experience. That said, Player etiquette must not be thrown to the wayside the minute the lights dim. A good Player knows the golden rule when scoring: You can’t surprise her with something she doesn’t want to do. There’s nothing that’s more of a buzz kill than trying to do a deed that she’s obviously going to be uncomfortable with; you’ll kill the mood (not to mention the momentum), leaving you wanting and her disgusted. Most women like to be pleasured within their range of comfort, not yours (that means no back door surprises, gentlemen, and other such unwanted, train-wrecking bedroom hijinks).
On a similar note, don’t just be an idle sack of potatoes. Try out some new positions, push the limits a little and communicate to find a good balance. Good Player etiquette gets good Players laid.

Make her orgasm

Let’s be brutally honest here — Players are expected to perform. You aren’t called a Player because you can play board games with her all night; you’ve got to show her you know your way around the bed and can please her with an exhilarating, mind-blowing experience only with your magic touch. Remember, you’re not there to get your jollies alone; she’s expecting the same thing. Proper etiquette dictates it. Easier said than done, but women lament guys who can’t follow through on their promises, sexually or otherwise. If you just roll over and go to sleep when you’re satisfied, you deserve a swift kick in the nuts — it’s not very Player-like behavior.
So how do you do it? You’ll have to find a potent mix of chemistry, foreplay and sexual know-how to satisfy her sexually and make her orgasm (and hopefully more than once). Remember when I said you had to be reliable? Well here’s a perfect example: Deliver the goods. Perform. Find her G-spot. There is no half-assing it; your primary focus is to please her and, if done correctly, it will have her swooning for more. I don’t care how difficult this may be — sexual gratification is proper sex etiquette. Fulfill her bedroom desires and you’ll be a hero in her books.

something to follow-up with

There are just a few of the things a guy can do to better himself, and proper etiquette is not something that is granted overnight; it takes some time and practice to make those practical changes. However, the perpetual mistakes that guys often make can be easily corrected with a few considerations, and once you get them, they’ll stick on you like glue. Routinely address your approach with women and make sure that the little things, such as bad habits, language, conversation

topics, and physical presence (and performance) are well taken care off. Pay attention to detail and you’ll find that Player etiquette is alive and well.

Why The Player Is Timeless

As controversial as he is, the Player is timeless. Many who attempt to define the pick up artist

believe much of it centers on the superficial, but as we have proven in the past, personal characteristics separate this particular man from the rest of the gal-searching male public. Although various changes in the social landscape can alter the rules and guidelines, the game never dies. The Player adapts and assimilates on a continual basis, but the goal always remains the same — and in a world where the pleasure-seeking hedonist always plays a role, the ladies’ man will survive. He may not always flourish, depending on the situation, but there’s always a call for his talents. With the dawning of each new day comes a few certainties: The sun will rise, a “retired” professional athlete will return to the playing field, celebrity gossip is always in vogue, and the Player will have new opportunities. When the sun sets that day, he will very likely have reaffirmed his position in this world.

Charisma and charm never go out of style

Women will always say they appreciate traits like a sense of humor and sensitivity, but the truth of the matter is that charisma and charm are irreplaceable. The Player has an abundance of both, and this personal appeal vastly outstrips the Porsche or the Armani suit. It’s the ability to entice any woman with a smile and a gesture that sets the Player apart, and while certain factors can go in and out of style, our chemical reactions don’t change. If you’re a woman

and don’t believe that charm sparks a natural reaction within your body, you have never associated with a true pickup artist. We could all be wearing silver jumpsuits and communicating telepathically through greatly enhanced Bluetooth devices in a hundred years, and the man with the becoming smile and easy grace will still have the edge.

Everyone wants to cut loose once in a while

Regardless of one’s beliefs, morals or goals, it is a universal human desire to simply cut loose every now and then. Obviously, it’s always materialistic and superficial in nature; most of all our basic desires don’t typically have any association with integrity and dignity. However, as most philosophers will say, we are imperfect and hence, we require simple gratification that is unencumbered by strings or other attachments. It may only be for one night in an individual’s life, but the desire I speak of will inevitably be felt by all at some point. The Player insures the quality of the experience, and in truth, it’s here where such a man serves his most valuable purpose. We always remember the terrible sexual experiences with some humiliation, but few women — if any — ever regret spending time with a player

Cutting loose wouldn’t be half as appealing without guys like me.

The Player always adapts

Loyal readers will recall the recent attention paid to the unfortunate recession, and how the Player adapts to a lighter wallet. This is only one example of the bigger picture; the pickup artist has the ability to ride the ever-changing waves of the social and economic environment. There was a time when the ladies’ man had a swagger in his step, a whole lot of gel in his hair and a leather jacket with a pair of Converse sneakers. His manner was forward and boastful, which is almost the exact opposite of the shaggy, unkempt, brooding, “I’m misunderstood by everyone” persona that attracted ladies in the ’90s. These days, we have struck another chord of sorts and it doesn’t really embody one particular style or technique. Yet again, the Player has slipped into a position that will invariably yield positive results.

The Player represents timeless ideas

It’s obvious to everyone: The Player is all about being free and doing what you want to do. There are plenty of naysayers and haters out there, but without unnecessary posturing, that can be attributed to thinly veiled jealousy. The Player has no constraints, and while he has a healthy stock of caution and discretion, he can step out on a moment’s notice and fly to Rome. Besides the common limitations (work, money and so forth), there’s almost nothing that stands in this man’s path to ultimate enjoyment. Freedom is a timeless idea that most can identify with, and furthermore, there’s a high level of quality and standards that should be associated with the player

He is never the poorly dressed, leering vulture with a beer gut. He exemplifies class and sophistication, and the women with whom he spends time are of an equally superior character.

tried, tested and true

Think what you will, but within the Player’s world are traits and characteristics that will never die. They represent goals and aspirations that, although too high for the average individual, are still idealistic and lest we forget, idealism is all about “setting the bar.” The Player continues to set and reset that bar. .

The older Player can be just as successful as the younger Player

Those who truly understand women have taken one immutable fact to heart: Women tend to gravitate toward classy, intelligent, wise men. Now, those who scoff at the idea — the gas-pumping former high school jocks, for example — may believe a man must make up for age by implementing the classic alpha male mentality. The older they get, the cockier and more aggressive they have to become.

Well, that guy will never have as much success as the older player an irresistible man of the world who exudes social competence. Due to his experience, his attraction is undeniable; his pickup skills are finely honed. He separates himself from the rest of the pack by offering a mix of quiet sensitivity and obvious flirting prowess. The aforementioned experience is crucial; this particular Player learns a little something from every rejection and carefully files it away for later use. He observes carefully and puts forth a likable personality, one that’s infused with modesty, confidence and grace. The older Player has no real enemies and makes friends

as easy as pie because after years of conversing with such a wide variety of individuals, this guy can adapt and assimilate in seconds.

So you’re a bit older, and yet, the hotties haven’t revoked your Player license just yet. This may be encouraging, but at the same time, you have to realize that with every passing year, it can become more and more difficult to pass the qualifying exam for said license. Hence, the following list of tips is designed with your longevity in mind, and it requires you to already have a working knowledge of basic Player abilities. If not, you can refer to any one of my previous articles; you’ll need that information now more than ever. When you’re the older Player, you’re not out of the game, but the manager is just itching to make the long walk to the mound the next time you lose a batter. Remain vigilant.

Don’t do things to accentuate your age

While subtle wisdom acquired over the years is sexy, you always run the risk of embarrassing yourself in unfamiliar surroundings. As much as you try to stay up-to-date, you no longer have the time to sift through Rolling Stone, reading about the latest hip music star. You may have a wardrobe indicative of a successful, accomplished individual, but it may not gel with the customary attire of certain clubs. And whatever you do, don’t believe you can instantly adapt to the latest dance moves, because that’s just a bad “fish out of water” experience waiting to happen and you’ll instantly reveal yourself as the older Player.

The key is to keep that alluring experience under wraps, and above all else, resist the urge to magically shave 20 years off your age by pretending you know exactly what every new catchphrase means. Sadly, there’s a fine line

to walk between the following two men — the confident, experienced man with social graces galore, and the creepy old guy who skulks in the corner, examining the ladies while gulping a Bud. You can’t , and shouldn’t, lie about who you are, because it’s who you are that has her interested in the first place! If she wanted someone who acted like a 22-year-old, she’d be with a 22-year-old.

Also, it’s probably best to avoid the girls who are too much younger; the younger the girl, the older you appear. This may not matter a whit to you, but she’s likely to notice the stares you two receive when out in public, and that’s just going to act as a continual reminder that she’s with the older Player. Avoid this situation at all costs; there’s no solution.

Don’t mislead her to think of you as a mentor

You’ve worked hard to advance through life, and you’ve gone through major life changes and experiences that your young lady friend hasn’t yet encountered. As the older Player, this gives you an edge, as I’m trying to prove with this article, but that doesn’t mean you should accidentally slide into a mentor-student

relationship. It can be difficult to keep your mouth shut when she’s going on about a subject she’s barely familiar with — “Hey, how come everyone complains about work? It’s so easy working at the Gap during the summer break!” — but it’s best to swallow your words. First of all, too much clarifying can lead to lecturing, and that results in one of two possible situations: She just gets annoyed and leaves, or she begins to ask you important life questions and suddenly won’t make a decision without your opinion. The first situation is obviously a big negative, and the second leads to long-running problems that only increase with time. Before long, you’re nothing more than a “life professor” and your relationship has mysteriously graduated to something far more serious.

That last word simply isn’t part of any Player’s repertoire, regardless of age. Don’t let her simply assume that someone over the age of 35 is automatically looking for a wife.

Avoid pickup places

This works as an important extension to the first tip, because of all the locations that would accentuate your age and reveal you’re the older Player in record time, typical pickup places are at the top of the list. It’s often impossible to establish yourself as an accomplished Player when the pounding music is giving you a headache, the amateur flirting and general behavior is painful, and worst of all, the women are giving you sidelong glances as if to say, “Are you sure you’re in the right place?” Just because you’re aware of the hottest nightspots in town, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should pay a visit; there are other ways to pick up women

and other places to bring them after securing a date. In fact, once you’ve reached that enviable second stage, you can use this opportunity to reinforce the attractiveness of your experience. You don’t want to come across as pompous and stuffy, of course, but an afternoon at the museum will open her eyes and give you a chance to impress. And this doesn’t mean you have to avoid bars and clubs altogether. For example, if you travel a lot, the hotel lobby bar is often a good place to socialize with individuals of similar age and interests.

Embrace what comes with age

There are more than a few negative things that come with age, but I’m not about to reel off a depressing list loaded with items that would only make you self-conscious. Instead, it’s always best to focus on the positives, and as I said before, you must always embrace yourself. Oh, just pass on the numerous jokes and pay attention. In this world that deifies youth and beauty, you can exemplify distinguished capability by using your advanced age to complement those wings of gray. Experience is a no-brainer, but other things come with age, including greater emotional and financial stability, confidence, wisdom, and of course, augmented bedroom skills. As callous as it may sound, sex is just like anything else — the more you do it, the better you get. In fact, if you took a poll of younger women asking them what would be the most attractive feature of an older man, this would be No. 1, just in front of financial stability. All women gravitate toward guys with intimate knowledge of the boudoir who just so happen to have a little extra cash; both traits make age a whole lot less significant. In fact, it may not even be relevant anymore.

Now, you may not be able to rip through a night that involves six or seven go-‘rounds if you’re the older player

but that doesn’t mean you can’t make her scale new heights of pleasure. And the next day, you treat her to a quiet lunch at a café only you know about followed by a surprise gift from Swarovski. Impressive, no?

The Player is always a gentleman

The argument rages as to which sort of man gets the most attention from women: the loud, cocky, sports lover who wears bad suits and gold chains, or the quieter, well-dressed sophisticate who carries an impressive portfolio. While each may attract a certain type of woman, the older player is, above all else, the quintessential gentleman

He is charming, courteous, gallant, and sensitive yet confident. If you’ve never been one for etiquette and basic manners, this tip may be out of your reach, but if that’s the case, a distinguished persona may be unreachable as well. There is no way on earth the classic Type-A never-grew-out-of-the-frat individual could ever be described as “distinguished.” Therefore, you will break out the simple yet meaningful arsenal of polite actions; you will hold open doors and pull out chairs, you will help her into her coat, you will walk closest to the street when strolling down the sidewalk, and you will let her start conversations. None of this is that difficult to do, and there’s no need to smother her with your high-class behavior. No, just be a gentleman.

age is a matter of mind

The older Player is often more capable than any other pickup artist on the market, primarily because hewas that very same pickup artist, only now they have years of experience under their belts. The new saying in sports is this: “40 is the new 30,” which is a testament to the long-running careers of various athletes. Well, if they can remain competitive in the professional world of sports, you can certainly remain competitive in the world of dating and general scoring.

You have restrictions and limitations you didn’t have when you were 20, but you also have an unparalleled repertoire and a particular level of attraction that can easily supercede that of an amateur. Essentially, you merely have to maintain a sense of self while ushering her into a world she has only glimpsed in passing. Remember: She’s interested in you because you’re different from the typical, youthful rabble she usually hangs around with. So, if you’re the older Player, don’t reject that, embrace it.

The Player: The Aging Player

Aging is an unfortunate fact of life, but if you’re in the correct fame of mind, it shouldn’t be detrimental to your romantic endeavors. In fact, if you play your cards right, you can even increase your level of “pleasurable productivity” by taking advantage of the inherent positives associated with aging. It’s not just about the clichéd “older is wiser,” it’s more about understanding both the limitations and the new possibilities. Adjustments must be made, but once this is done the world of dating and sex suddenly becomes more dynamic and diverse. The player

always preaches the importance of experience, which is always vastly more important than god-given physical gifts, and now that you’ve completed the roaring 20s it’s time to accept certain facts and acknowledging that things can and will get better — provided you adhere to the following tips.

Stay in shape

Perhaps the most difficult aspect of getting older is the slower metabolism that comes with age. There was a time when you could ingest an entire pizza with every last topping and not gain an ounce — but you were 18, and your metabolism often hit Mach 5. Nowadays, it sort of ambles along at a nice leisurely pace, and it isn’t equipped to deal with large amounts of food, nor can it easily handle thewrong types of food. Once past 30, you absolutely need to keep a close eye on your health, and remember: If you slip and put on weight, it becomes infinitely more challenging to reclaim your former shape. If you address it immediately, you can maintain your youthful, athletic, appealing body; it just takes a bit more work. Those slim, trim 20-somethings are young. However, you can still compete with the best of ‘em. If you’re vigilant in regards to your health, you will continue to appeal to those taut, hot bombshells

you still crave.

Expand your target group

One of the benefits of passing 30 is the fact that, all of a sudden, you can appeal to just about any woman between the ages of 20 and 40. Really, it’s the perfect median age for dating. When in your early 20s, it isn’t advisable to chase those MILFs in their late 30s because the cultural gap is simply too wide. The same can be said of the 40-year-old men who optimistically pursue the chicks in their early 20s, who usually find middle-aged guys creepy. Between the ages of 27 and 34, you can expand your range of targets to include just about any attractive and interesting women

over the age of 18. This has been referred to as the “sweet spot” and is exactly what I speak of here; it’s merely a matter ofrecognizing it as a bonus. Being able to date everyone from college hotties to retirees can be a heady experience.

Act your age

As badly as you may want to be that same guy who cruised the ladies

a decade ago, you’re not that same guy. If you’re in your early 20s, it makes perfect sense to go crazy, experiment, take risks, and build an exciting, thrilling reputation. However, now that you’ve passed 30, it’s time to put aside any thoughts of pretending or masquerading, and just push forward into acceptance. The music at the clubs really is too loud, isn’t it? Even if a woman is drop-dead gorgeous, you can no longer withstand brainless banter for extended periods of time. Your idea of a good time might just include a home-cooked dinner and a movie you’ve seen a hundred times before. All this being the case, you needn’t believe that any of this will instantly make you unattractive or uninteresting; in fact, many women will say there isn’t anything sexier than a man who is completely secure. Being yourself is always preferable to an act.

Promote your success (and stability)

In addition to your solidified self-esteem and security, you have also found your place in life. You’ve made strides in the professional world (of which you have every right to be proud of), and you have both money in the bank and multiple prospects on the horizon. If you’ve already found what you love to do; if you’ve settled on your life’s calling and you plan to attack it with vigor, any woman can and will appreciate that. Why do many females go after older

men? For the two reasons outlined here: maturity and stability, on both the personal and financial level. Therefore, it makes perfect sense to promote this advantage; to put your best foot forward and show a woman what you have to offer. You have so muchmore to offer in comparison to that college graduate who is seeing the big, scary world for the very first time. Even if he has a direction — and most don’t at that time — he hasn’t done anything yet. You have — and you’re gonna show her.

age is but a number

Successful players

who continue to operate well past the age of 30 often find their options have actuallyexpanded. Granted, one may have to alter his approach, but, for the most part, the aging Player is a man who is stable, confident, capable, and as a direct result of his experience, more potent than ever..

Similar to the aptly titled book that took the self-help community by storm, the habits of highly effective Players are worth divulging to all guys as common knowledge. Here are a few habits of successful Players to help you succeed in any seduction scenario.

Visualize an end

Right from the get-go, one of the most important habits of successful Players is to visualize the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. “Getting lucky” jokes aside, thinking about the ideal outcome when approaching a woman will prove crucial to how you get from simply thinking about making the pickup to actually having her in your arms (in bed). When you can visualize your result, you can formulate your strategy. Think of it as akin to a business plan — you need to assess your strategy, anticipate the challenge and picture how it’s all going to turn out, because once you make that initial contact, it’s game time and there’s no turning back. Visualize your end result and you can cater your approach from there.

Recover from a rejection

Sometimes making that pickup is simply just out of your reach, no matter how hard you try. There are going to be those women who just won’t buy into your type of personality (among other things), so don’t get frustrated when she refuses to give you the time of day. I’ve seen all too often — guys just can’t seem to get over a rejection; anger and depression are not far behind, and their game becomes damaged goods, leaving a bitter taste in their mouth. And that’s not even the worst part — wallowing in their own grief seems to be inescapable yet so hugely preventable.

Don’t suffer from delusions of grandeur of what could have been; keep continually picking yourself up and not wallowing about the past. Self-pity is like your own personal kryptonite, and women can sense an emotionally troubled man a mile away. Think about the positives of not being with the rejecter and compliment the good qualities you know you embody; some lucky girl is going to like you for who you are, so keep your spirits up and try again. Dealing with rejection is a great life skill and one of the habits of successful Players.

Good Players remember information

While you may (or may not) have been the best student there was one tool you couldn’t have graduated without — the power of memorization. And just like a difficult exam, this is one of the habits of successful Players that’s paramount to a victorious score.

Communication is another key element when approaching and flirting with women and one that can pretty much determine whether you’re going home a lonely or a happy man. When you engage in conversation, you are creating a profile of their likes, interests, personality, quirks, and everything else that is crucial to keeping her interested in you. That’s why it’s your job to be asking the questions and responding to hers appropriately so you can strike that ever-important chemistry. Just as important, though, is remembering all of her answers. Did she happen to mention she’s a fan of Japanese food? Take her out for sushi. Does she enjoy the light sounds of an acoustic guitar? Take her to an intimate concert by one of her favorite artists. Pay attention to what she says and always keep it handy for when you’ll need it next. Players

are refined, suave and gentle creatures, so don’t be the elephant that always forgets.

Keep your expectations realistic

Here’s some food for thought: We are a generation of men raised to always strive for the top, so do your best and reach as far as you can go on the ladder of life. This has been engrained in our heads since day one, and this mantra permeates all aspects of life — school, work, home, and yes, even when picking up women. The problem here is that sometimes we aim too high. I’ve seen countless examples of guys who think they can score the hottest girl at the party, and almost as fast as they go out on a limb, they fall flat on their faces.

You’ve got to keep your expectations realistic. Have you made it a habit to flirt with the tallest, most voluptuous vixen you see every time you go out, only to get shot down? And even worse, do you keep making the same gaff over and over? Big mistake. You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. Go for the type of women you know you can realistically get. Also, broaden your horizons, go out on a limb and meet women you would otherwise ignore; you’d be surprised at the variety and quality that exists, and your expectations will align themselves appropriately. No matter what kind of Player you are, you can always find the right woman.

The Player is always a gentleman

You might want to put on your glasses for this one, not because the advice I’m going to give will be some new epiphany on etiquette, but rather because the gentleman is a dying breed; true gentlemen are few and far between, and you’ll have to look hard to see one in action. Of course, why watch when you can be one yourself? players

are gentlemen, and it’s a 24/7 job.
Gentlemanly behavior isn’t hard to espouse. Think about the most civilized gentleman you’ve seen (Jimmy Stewart anyone?), and try and take it from there. Mentors are great for providing a base point, but whomever you choose, they all exhibit similar gentlemanly qualities. That means approaching your lady with a calm, mature demeanor that can handle different kinds of situations with a hand of humility, class and impression. Being a gentleman means making sure all the little things are taken care of (like holding doors open, listening to her talk and giving her compliments), as well as broader issues, such as being polite to her friends and family, and accepting of her career choices in life (well, most of them anyway). Practice your gentlemanly nature in all facets of life and you’ll find it will become clockwork behavior. This is one of the most important habits of successful Players.

The Player is always well-mannered

Connected to the previous piece of advice, being well-mannered is the means to a gentlemanly end. Good manners are conducive to impressing and wooing women

no girl wants a slob who can’t act professionally around herself and in public. Players are more refined than that; leave the offensive and annoying habits to the chumps at the next table.

So what are some good manners? Let’s look at a first-date scenario to get a good grasp of it. If you’ve got the number, made the call and are arranging a date, always plan to meet somewhere public initially, and only offer a ride if she asks for one — good manners call for giving your girl decisions and an escape clause. It proves you’re concerned about her well-being more than just what you would prefer (which means don’t assume she’ll come home with you on the first date, although it definitely can happen). When in conversation, never interrupt her, never raise your voice and always accommodate her opinion, even if you don’t fully agree. When eating, keep your mouth shut and take small portions (don’t stuff your face, that’s dating suicide). Afterwards, always ask her what she would like to do, and tell her regularly that you’re having a great time with her. Remember: She’s the focus of your efforts, so good manners start and end with you if you want to keep interested. Be honest and polite, and never try too hard — let the manners flow naturally. These habits of successful Players should be common sense by now.

make it a habit

Habits are something that people can do without even thinking; it’s an instinctive behavior that can be done without conscious thought. When you’re a Player who’s exhibiting good habits, all the aforementioned tips come instinctively and enhance your game. When these things come naturally, you’re exuding a confidence that only the best of Players can do, and picking up women becomes just that much easier. Have faith, practice your skills and adopting habits of successful Players will bring you great rewards.

By Adrian Millàs Luque

As Alfie says “When it comes to getting girls there are 3 things that matter: the place, the place, and the place”. Yes, you got me; today I’m going to talk about the places we frequent to get the women we want.
Most of us when getting started into this world of love and attraction, were referred to discos and pubs as a good place to hang around and find beautiful women, but have we ever stopped and thought about what is this place for? Dancing, drinking, and cocky talking are activities prior to sex, there is no wonder then that everybody in a disco is there seeking sex or a sexual fun time, whether it is to be seen by the opposite sex and feel attractive, or to find a partner to end the night with. There is a wide range of degrees.
The thing is that most of us are committed to become better at picking up girls (or women, depending on your age), right? Well, here is the deal: you are not going to get any better on picking up girls at a disco. Why? Because a disco is a place where there is already a sexual atmosphere. You don’t have to do anything at all to create it, and therefore, just approaching, talking, dancing, being a bit funny and having a bit of basic know-how to treat a girl, speeds up your chances of having an affair that night you went out. Anybody can get whatever they are looking for in a disco -speaking in sexual terms-, and if they don’t is because they are so focused on the outcome of their actions, and so self-centered, that they are missing half of the action by not looking on how the opposite sex responds to them. Or on the other hand, being so focused on the opposite sex that they don’t even realize of how they are acting.
Discos are good places to start picking up women (and to have a fun time whenever). You get there, and all your feelings are like crazy, the music is so loud, the girls are so, so sexy, everything seems so magical that you ask to yourself ‘why the f*** didn’t I come before? This is the answer to what I’ve been looking for!’
The thing is that after that point you need to evolve. You had been in your world of sexual inactivity ever since, then you got into a disco and it seemed like paradise. After that bit of shaking of your sexual world, you need to put your feet on the ground, and be real. Discos are places far from reality, places to have fun, and really recommendable to go (I love them), but if you want to really improve, and not only give a placebo to your ego because you went to a hotel with the Swedish girl you met in the VIP area, you need to explore further from that.
The places to go are: streets, beaches, coffee shops, libraries, college, work, your gym or health club, public transport, and many more. There you will find real interactions, where it is up to you to create that halo of magic and sex with women, and you must rely on the tools you have developed so far to succeed, or crash against the wall. That’s how it is guys! There is no way, but the hard way! Don’t be pussies thinking that you are real men if going out to discos and pubs you get chicks that went out there for the same! Common be more intelligent than that. If women made you believe they are out in the clubs for ‘having fun with their friends’ they messed up your brains.
Ask yourself these questions: are you able to start a conversation with any person in the bus? If not, work on it! Are you able to calibrate what is interesting (by interesting I mean creative, mysterious, sexual, fun) to talk about with the person you have right in front of you just in some seconds? If not, work on it! Are you able to make this person feel comfortable with you up to the point of creating a tie in some minutes so that this person wants to keep in touch with you in the future? If not, work on it! Are you able to keep that sensation on that person until you meet again? If not, work on it! That’s the kind of critical thinking that leads you to success. This is a golden rule to always think about: no shortcuts, no lies to yourself, be real, find your way, and work on it.
Remember then if you are in the good place to find what you are looking for, which level you are at, and which your next level is.
I leave you with one of my favorite quotes: ‘Train hard, and expect success’ (Tom Venuto).
Until next time,
‘Work on it’.

Nobody’s perfect. Based on impressive conquests  that come early and frequently in his career, a Player might erroneously assume that no further training is required. But as the realistic pickup artist ages, he becomes more secure and confident and loses the cockiness. He analyzes the continually changing social scene, and, although it’s often humbling, examines his own strengths and weaknesses. It’s difficult to accept that we’re lacking in certain areas — and every human is — but perhaps the following list of personality enhancers will get you started. Even if you believe you already possess the trait in question, there’s always room for improvement. And here’s one final note to ponder: Somehow, women seem to be able to spot men who are willing to work on themselves. They notice it, and they find it really attractive.

Be direct

There’s an ailment currently sweeping like wildfire through the young male population. It’s the belief that indifference and a distant demeanor is seen as universally attractive (which makes one wonder if the early ‘90s grunge theme is making a comeback). Shrugging the shoulders at direct questions and giving noncommittal responses doesn’t peg you as a carefree, deceptively deep and artfully morose individual — it just means you don’t care about much about anything. Being direct doesn’t mean you unveil your soul to every girl; it means you look her in the eye, give her your full undivided attention, become actively engaged in conversation, and interested in her existence. This “yeah, whatever” attitude is not only childish but exceedingly off-putting in the eyes of most quality catches.

Fidelity

Don’t laugh. The Player has never recommended or even endorsed cheating, and this is for several obvious reasons. The true ladies’ man relies heavily on a reputation that is skillfully created and cultivated, and he knows the well could dry up quickly if that reputation suffers. There’s a very big difference between getting a lot of women in succession and getting a lot of women at the same time. One results in sexually satisfied females who bear no ill-will toward you, while the other leaves a trail of bitter hatred and animosity, which will eventually become an impassable wall. Everywhere you go, women will know you’re nothing but a disrespectful lout with no real redeeming value and the best of the best will withdraw. You will be left with jilted divorcees and inebriated college girls, both of whom would likely go home with a broomstick if it showed interest.

Comedic appeal

“I need someone who makes me laugh.” Ironically enough, the funniest joke in all of romance and relationships is the fact that many women put “sense of humor” at the top of their most-wanted lists. If there is no initial attraction via physical appeal, the funniest man alive will receive the standard “thanks for the drink” and a polite rebuff. Even so, there’s no doubt a great sense of humor can give you an edge, so a would-be player should always take a stab at being humorous. There’s a darn good reason why opening lines of conversation typically consist of a joke, but this will hardly separate you from the crowd. The key is to be spontaneously funny on a consistent basis, so she knows that whenever she’s around you, she’ll emerge from the encounter with a girlish smile. Unfortunately, some people just aren’t funny, so if you’re no Seinfeld, you should try another booster rather than embarrassing yourself.

Chivalry’s not dead

Gallantry and charm never go out of style, as this Player always says. Some guys honestly believe it makes no difference in this day and age if he holds a door, pulls out a chair or takes a coat. He believes that women, who have struggled so hard to attain the equality they rightfully have, see such maneuvers as a return to the oppressive ‘50s, where you would have expected her to be pregnant in the kitchen at all times. But if you actually speak to girls about this, most will say they never lost an appreciation for such niceties, and no man who treats a lady like a lady will be rejected for his “old-fashioned” beliefs. Of course, there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed — ordering for a woman has never been classy, but simple gestures, like walking on the outside of the sidewalk to keep her safely inside, always resonate.

Be goal-oriented

As we all know, one of the very first questions a woman asks is: “So, what do you do?” We’ve reached a point where it’s one of the first questions on a man’s lips too, but that still doesn’t devalue the importance of having goals. Girls look down the road every bit as much as guys, and they want to know where they might be in a decade. They want to ensure that you’re not satisfied with being an assistant manager forever. The bottom line is that you should be quick to outline your goals and lofty dreams; any show of real ambition puts you in a more flattering light. Having clear and determined goals says a lot about you, especially as it relates to potential relationships.

Exude strength

Men who hem and haw over big decisions fall a few notches in a woman’s mind. In an off-shoot of the chivalry trait, strength and firmness of character resonate instinctively to women. I’m not necessarily saying that all women want a “take-charge guy,” but the more you exhibit a quiet sense of firmness and solidity, the more you will benefit — at the very least, she will have more respect for you. You know what you want, and even when you don’t you address the indecision with a quick and accurate guiding hand. If there is a conflict of opinion, the strong individual calmly listens to the competing train of thought and takes it into consideration. It’s not about being stubborn; it’s about being confident and, in a way, trustworthy.

Be compassionate

If you can manage to be strong, gallant and compassionate, you’ll be downright irresistible in the eyes of prospective targets. Many guys consider themselves compassionate and sensitive, but that’s only in comparison to their peers. Women have very different definitions of compassion. Action represents the difference between the talkers and doers. It’s one thing to sympathize with the abused animals on that infomercial when your girl is in the room, but it’s quite another to go and adopt one. If your lady is sick, you can either call her and send your condolences, or you can show up at her door and give her some actual comfort. If you really think about that, you can exhibit compassion in a hundred small ways through the course of any given week.

it’s doesn’t come easy

Of course, these personality enhancers aren’t supposed to change your way of life, and, as always, they require some effort..

Iconic Player Frank Sinatra is one of the most successful pickup artists

The man; the icon; the legend. If there was one status to give to Ol’ Blue Eyes, it would have to be next to the top of the pedestal for all entertainers in the history of music (and certainly, among the most famous of all American artists). He had numerous hits spanning over four decades of performance, and produced over 60 albums and 300 singles. Frank Sinatra was also a four-time Golden Globe Award winner, and won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his captivating performance as Pvt. Angelo Maggio in 1952’s From Here to Eternity.

In addition to his numerous and memorable albums, hits, musicals, and movies, the man was also a legend in another form of artistry — that of seducing women Yes, the “Chairman of the Board” was a popular item among the women of his day, and had ”bobby soxers” everywhere swooning over his stage presence (yesterday’s form of teenie boppers, for you younger readers). If that wasn’t enough, his list of marriages is only outnumbered by the astounding list of flings he had over his illustrious career. All the way from Nancy Barbato right to Barbara Marx, the man was a perpetual flirt (and damn good at it too). However, the most brilliant part of it all was that he never let his inhibitions impede his efforts; the man oozed confidence, and the women he hooked up with experienced first-hand why Frank Sinatra is a prodigal figure amongst players

the world over. Let’s take a look at some of the skills one of the most iconic Player, Frank Sinatra, plied that made him a legendary pickup artist.

Be the gentleman who won’t tell

Are you one of those guys who are into public displays of affection (alternatively known as a PDA)? Well, unless everyone in the room wants to see you lock lips, you best keep your affection between you and your girl. When you’re trying to make the pickup, the goal is to establish a level of intimacy that only the two of you are going to share. Save the relationship banter and PDAs for the on-screen actors or for making extravagant marriage proposals.

Ol’ Blue Eyes was well-known for his distaste for the press, especially when it came to talking about his private life. One good example of this was his brief engagement to Lauren Bacall (of whom Frank Sinatra was wooing well before her then-husband Humphrey Bogart passed away in 1957). When the media got hold of the news, the announcement was published to newspapers everywhere and, in true Frank Sinatra fashion, dismissed the reports as “nuts,” promptly calling off the engagement to Lauren Bacall, blaming her for the leak. Of course, this example is a bit of an extreme, but a lack of privacy in developing intimate relationships can lead to a similar result — a broken heart and a bruised ego.

Have an edge

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Women are not attracted to guys who are pushovers; they need to have an edge, a zest for life or, in Frank Sinatra’s case, a bad-boy reputation that seemed to complement his entertaining talents, making him one of the most sexually desired men in show business. This is really one of the core values of being an iconic Player — it distinguishes us from your everyday, ho-hum nice guy who only gets as far as being friends with the object of his affection. Do something adventurous, stand up for yourself and walk with a confident swagger.

In addition to his prominent life as a world-renowned singer, Frank Sinatra did have some tumultuous run-ins with the law, including being arrested for ”seduction” in his earlier years, being a constant chain smoker and drinker, running with his fellow Rat Pack, and having mob connections that generated the interest of the FBI in the 1960s (among garnering a reputation as a serious playboy who relished constant partying). I’m not condoning his behavior in these regards, but Frank Sinatra had an allure to him, a mystére that intrigued women

to see if he could be tamed, which he ultimately could not (Nancy Barbato and Ava Gardner being two of his women who were at his side during his wild early years). His bad-boy image can work for you too, and you don’t have to get involved with the law to do it. Be adventurous, try new things and don’t apologize for everything you do. Be an iconic Player like Frank Sinatra and have the edge that every woman craves.

Speak your own language

Did I mention that wit is one of the players

primary weapons of choice? It’s exactly what women want to hear when you’re making a first impression. From wit comes charm, and from charm comes attraction — it’s the classic formula to letting a woman give you the time of day. Using the right words in a pickup scenario should be the highest priority; you could be the best-looking or wealthiest guy in the club, but the girls who are worth pursuing can see past the skin-deep qualities and judge you on your character. When you speak your own language that combines humor, charm and wit, you can approach with some pretty nifty pickup lines that she’ll remember.

Frank Sinatra had a masterful tongue. Not only did he know how to make his women feel like they were the ultimate object of his affection, he had a unique style of ”Sinatra-isms” that helped build his charming personality. “All locked up” meant he had a hot date coming his way, “barn-burner” was used for a classy woman, and one of his famous, “ring-a-ding” (as in “what a ring-a-ding broad!”) was used for — ahem — approving of a beautiful girl. Not only did he have some catchy one-liners but he also oozed charm through the lyrics in his songs, and used his incredible wit to pick up the ladies after the show (just ask Ava Gardner, whom Frank Sinatra suggestively told that he wished he had “found her first” before Mickey Rooney). When you have the words that just roll off the tongue, you’re speaking your own language that will set you apart from the other guys (especially when most of them can’t distinguish between a potent pickup line from straight-up gibberish).

ol’ blue eyes

Just like any iconic Player, men wanted to be Frankie and women wanted to be with him. His charm, his presence and his appreciation for the finer things in life made him the American classic he is today, and for guys everywhere, a model to take a cue from to help us in our game. To put it frankly (no pun intended), “Stay alive, stay active and get as much practice as you can.” Ol’ Blue Eyes lived by this mantra, and his reputation as a legendary singer and iconic Player holds much truth in this statement. We can all take a cue from Frank Sinatra, so follow these bits of advice and you’re well on your way to becoming a classic yourself.

I understand the importance of having a muse now. It could be anyone, an actress, model, girl I saw on the train etc. The important thing is to keep that brain vibrating with energy, and there is none more positive or aggressive than sex energy!

Stay Hungry. I was thinking the exact same thing myself. Two simple words, with profound meaning.

What a shame that it took me so long to realize that the energy that one experiences through that particular emotion is so versatile (energy usually always is) that it can be channeled into anything and everything.

You’ve got it! Mostly the most creative times of a relationship are in the flirtation, courtship stage when all your thoughts are corralled to one aim: being with that girl, looking at her, touching her, sharing with her, and bedding her.

If circumstances limit your physicality, the desire to ‘be together’ gets creative and finds other avenues for deepening your experiences together. She seeps into your heart and soul, you feel yourself buzzing with passionate energy, she becomes ever more desirable in your eyes. Your bioelectric energy body is lit up like a Christmas tree.

If you can stay with it, and recognize it, this is a blissful place to be: fully alive, in an exquisite agony of wanting even more!

We habitually train ourselves to get rid of desires as quickly as possible. Of course, we don’t look at it like that. We think instead of getting what we want as quickly as possible. But ‘the wanting’ is where the pulse of life is felt most keenly. Feeling that desire, and living with it, prises open your consciousness so you feel more alive!

Yes, life is the muse. She’ll pass you on the street like the sophisticated, oh-so-beautiful glossy blonde who stepped out on the limosine and glided past me on the street one boiling sultry day in Charleston, South Carolina, accompanied by her equally gorgeous, Amazonian, African-American friend… Or on an almost-deserted beach in Knockke-Heist, Belgium, ‘the most beautiful girl in the world’, dark long hair and in a bikini skips to the shoreline with her puppy and smiles at me… and is forever burned into my consciousness and memory. Or the rather plain looking mother holding her baby going past me on a high street on the Isle of Wight, England, looking me direct in the eyes and smiling a billion-dollar sweet smile. Or the tousled, damp-from-the-rain haired girl standing in my garage in her green eyes flashing with mischief, love and longing… Each of these… just a moment in time, but a moment in eternity as far as the spirit is concerned.

Stay hungry and your eyes will pick up the muse’s signs, signals, smiles and winks.

I’m in UK at present, where today it’s cool, damp and breezy. Heading back to Spain next week for some sun and fun.

Iconic Player Gene Simmons has claimed to have slept with 5000 women

Your mum and dad rocked out to them in the ’70s, your grandparents held sheer contempt for their heathen souls, you’ve seen them on retrospective TV documentaries, and you’ve heard their music on classical radio. KISS has been breathing fire, drooling blood, rock ‘n’ rollin’ all night and partying every day since the early ’70s, and every woman on your side of the family was probably invited backstage, courtesy of Gene Simmons.

The demonized bad boy of rock is legendary with the opposite sex. A quick look around pop culture websites will show you that this man is the Wilt Chamberlain of music — he’s been glorified for sleeping with over 5,000 women. Whatever your opinion is, the man has been seducing women for almost 40 years. Here are a few tips from iconic Player Gene Simmons.

Stand by your convictions

Have you ever seen iconic Player Gene Simmons in a candid interview segment? Hiding his “demons” is not his forte — he’ll give his two cents on everything from marriage and parenting to politics and war. Gene Simmons has even gone on record stating that “honesty is the best policy with groupies.” Well put.

Whether you have your own set of after-concert beauties or not, Gene Simmons’ point is rather obvious: Honesty is the best course of action in order to be a successful player Make no bones about it — they’ll appreciate your up-front candor, even if it doesn’t get you her phone number every time. There’s a reason why Gene Simmons is a seduction legend, and it’s not because he hides behind his face paint — he’s out in the open and honest about his lifestyle, and you’ll find there is success with this approach

Don’t rely on vices

Whether you love him or hate him for sleeping with thousands of women, there is something that everyone can respect about iconic Player Gene Simmons. Unlike other rock stars who fall into the vicious cycle of booze, drugs and other vices to get through day-to-day life, Gene Simmons is famous for never having been drunk or high in his life, and has little respect for people who do get inebriated, rock stars and “normal” people alike. Gene Simmons is living proof that you don’t need to rely on these vices to do anything you want, and that includes attracting women. The real Player relies on his wit, charm and confidence to make the pickup — not alcohol or drugs. Sadly, some people think beer goggles help improve their game when really that’s cheating in an attempt to get what they want — and there’s no honor in that. Follow Gene’s lead, and never rely on vices.

Don’t be consumed by your Player-dom

Gene Simmons is a man of a thousand faces: rock legend, TV star, brilliant entrepreneur, father, charitable community ambassador and, of course, player

Gene Simmons doesn’t worry about any of his life roles; he finds time for all of them, and still comes home to a beautiful Playboy model and a full head of hair.

You’ll notice that the only time Gene Simmons talks about his legendary score sheet is when someone asks him about it. He never goes out of his way to brag, and he chats far more about being a father and a businessman than he does about being a Player. This is advice to take home for yourself — don’t ever become consumed with being a Player; it’s pretentious to others and will ultimately give you the reputation of being self-obsessed. Players are subtle creatures, even when seducing the ladies.

Challenge your social limits

Iconic Player Gene Simmons is a popular man. His music and television appearances are only second to the massive amount of merchandise he markets with his face (or signature) on the package. The Demon isn’t afraid to show his face to friends and strangers alike, and is well known to be a popular entertainer at parties, able to converse with just about anyone.

Now, you don’t have to become an illustrious rock star or reality series icon to be the popular man in the room. However, you do have to push your social limits when necessary. Are you usually the quiet guy in the corner? Work the room and get in touch with your outspoken side. What if you’re the hardy party guy with the lamp shade on his head? Try the softer, more intimate approach to impress the women

Challenge your social boundaries, and you can impress any crowd — especially women.

it’s all in the gene

Let’s not make any mistake — iconic Player Gene Simmons is one of the most controversial characters in the spotlight today. Some might call him a callous, unrepentant womanizer, but the fact remains: He is a master pickup artist who flexes his wit, honesty and legendary status. Gene Simmons is an iconic Player worth taking a few cues from.

Iconic Players: Lord Byron

Throughout the annals of time, certain individuals have made lasting impacts that continue to resonate with every new generation that deigns to look back and say, “Whoa, he did that?” The concept of the Player has been around long before the term ever took hold in the mainstream, and Lord George Gordon Byron was the epitome of “living hard and loving hard.”

A British poet and one of the leading figures in Romanticism, his work continues to influence writers and literary aficionados to this very day; his poetry compilation entitled Hours of Idleness remains a sought-after volume. He also traveled extensively (even going so far as to become a national hero in Greece; see below), participated in multiple athletic endeavors and, oh yes, found time to entertain many a young lady. Byron’s amorous affections knew no bounds; he was rumored to have been in love with distant cousins and his sexual exploits ran the full gamut of styles, preferences and emotions. Lord Byron’s life was hectic and always worthy of attention until he died of fever in 1824 — which is poetic, in a way.

Don’t be constrained by social status

Lord Byron’s many romantic and sexual exploits feature women in all walks of life, ranging from servants, landladies and fans to aristocrats and actresses. This is the very definition of a Player; he who does not consider irrelevant outside influences that could infringe on his enjoyment of life. A woman is a woman, and she is to be respected and adored regardless of her position in society, and Lord Byron understood this rule perfectly. Of course, class isn’t as much of a concern these days, but financial status still plays a large role, and only the naïve will assume that money doesn’t alter a lifestyle. However, no Player will restrict himself to the high-powered businesswomen when bartenders and waitresses can just as easily serve his needs, and with just as much vigor and sexual capability. In the end, the true ladies’ man understands that these days social status means less than it ever has before.

Have a way with words

For whatever reason that this writer has never been able to understand (but isn’t about to question), women are naturally attracted to men who are gifted in the realm of the written and/or spoken word. Lord Byron published beautiful poetry, wrote wondrous letters and kept a diary, and although you likely don’t possess his literary brilliance, it certainly doesn’t hurt to brush up on the classics. A successful Player is cultured in more ways than one and it’s in your best interest to become educated in the world of literature and poetry. You may not be a writer and quoting verse to a woman these days will likely earn you the label of “frightening lunatic” (such a sad, sad world), but speaking well and being able to contribute to literature-oriented conversations is a universally attractive trait. Believe it or not, intelligence never goes out of style, and you should take a cue from the late, great Lord Byron: Words, be they spoken or written, can indeed melt a lady’s heart.

Accumulate stories

Lord Byron never rested. Even when he was physically limited due to frequent bouts of depression and other examples of his poor health, this man did everything from boxing to fencing to swimming, and he had time to travel all over the world, even participating in Italian and Greek liberation struggles (to this day, the Greeks herald Lord Byron as a national hero). Heck, this is a man who even kept a small zoo around him at all times; Lord Byron cared for monkeys, parrots, dogs, goats, and even a heron. If you look at his day-to-day life, you will wonder how he had time for such well-documented sex events and scandals. This was a man who was never without a story to tell; he could always engage a fascinated female with his many exploits, and this is a valuable asset for any Player. What man doesn’t wish to have an endless assortment of anecdotes when approaching women; a full bag of stories that can invoke all sorts of emotions from laughter to awe to sympathy?

Be mad, bad and dangerous to know

During his torrent affair with Lady Caroline Lamb, the latter called Lord Byron “mad, bad, and dangerous to know.” It’s likely that other women who knew him intimately, including the Lady Oxford and one of his own cousins, felt the same way, so it’s no surprise to learn of the man’s successful love life. We’re talking about a guy who often battled paranoia and a variety of other ailments, and yet still managed to exhaust himself with various life pursuits, ranging from his worldly adventures to his critically acclaimed writing. In short, he could bounce back and forth between loving and raving, and it is said that he commonly exhibited “varying degrees of emotional intensity — from extravagant passion to callous brutality.” We won’t condone the “brutality” part, and if the “mad” part gets out of control, you become more of a freaky predator than a charmer. However, if you strike the right borderline chord, the ladies will flock to you as if your very sweat were an aphrodisiac.

Don’t hide who you are

Surprisingly, Lord Byron was born with a club foot that required him to walk on the balls and toes of his feet his entire life. Furthermore, his father — Captain “Mad Jack” Byron — was an infamous “gold digger” who reportedly married Catherine Gordon simply for her wealth. “Mad Jack” died when his son was only 3 years old, and his mother became an emotionally distressed and unbalanced woman. Later in his life, some of Lord Byron’s work reflected his inner turmoil and his rebellious stance against accepted beliefs and “the right order of things.” In an effort to live a “normal life,” Lord Byron married Anna Isabella Milbanke, but this attempt at monogamy ended in “complete failure.” This is a lesson to all; not just prospective ladies’ men: Never deny who you are, or what makes you happy. Running away only makes things worse, and if you have no desire to hurt anyone and only wish to enjoy the company of many lovely angels, then don’t constantly berate yourself for failing to “settle down.” It’s not for everyone.

being byron

Lord George Gordon Byron may have been considered a reckless, amoral womanizer by some and a tortured soul by others. History will always make a point of mentioning his many and diverse sexual exploits, and it’s all the more impressive when one takes into account the obstacles Lord Byron faced. As usual, though, the traits that made him catnip to females can be obtained by the average guy — it just takes a little extra effort.

“Ah! Sure some stronger impulse vibrates here,
Which whispers friendship will be doubly dear
To one, who thus for kindred hearts must roam,
And seek abroad, the love denied at home.” .

Sex is everywhere these days, isn’t it? You can’t turn on your computer without being hit by a hundred different sexually related emails. Porn sites have dictated the evolution of the internet, driving forward into new realms of marketing, design, sales technology, and god only knows what else. All that innovation driven by the energy of sex!

Flip through a magazine, turn on the TV, and it seems that every other advert has some kind of sexual component used to sell everything from clothes to light bulbs (the ultimate turn-on!).

Why? Why all this nudity? What’re all the cleavage shots about? Why is that muscular man drinking that soft drink while the women gawp at him?

Sex moves us to action. Sex inspires mighty deeds. Sex sells!

How sex drives the brain…
Sexual energy is the lust for life in all forms. Have you heard of  sperm competition? Well, you should have – you’ve been living it! It’s the natural force that drives intelligence forward in all creatures!

Everybody knows that males are promiscuous and ferociously competitive when it comes to sex. Men’s competitiveness revolves around physical strength and dominance at the basic level, and moves up the scale to include attractiveness, intelligence, ingenuity, organisational power, leadership and wealth.

For ages it was politely assumed that females–both human and of other species–are naturally monogamous. Er … hello? … Not so!!

Females, it has become clear, are equally promiscuous, if not more so, and have evolved an astounding array of creative strategies, employed both before and after copulation, to determine exactly who will father their offspring.

Do you get that? Sex, good old rumpy pumpy sex, has been the driving force of creativity, resourcefulness and evolution itself in both men and women for millennia! And because we humans get such pleasure from sex, we don’t just want it when spring is in the air … we want it all the fucking time!

That’s probably why we are the dominant species on this planet! We’ve been so focussed on sex and relationships that we’ve become super smart as a species!

Don’t believe me? Look around you. Why is that incredible looking girl with that dumpy little guy? Either he’s smart and rich, or smart and funny, or smart and famous, or smart and creative, or smart and kind with a big-dick!

Whatever it is, he had to be smart to get the girl, because he sure didn’t get her because of his looks or physique! You can see exactly the same intelligence at work with women.

Everyone contrives to get the best possible person that they can get in order to mate with them (based on a combination of their own criteria and a primitive innate evaluation system, modified by how screwed up they are!).

SEXUAL TRANSMUTATION

The desire for sex is the most powerful of human desires. “When driven by this desire, men develop keenness of imagination, courage, will-power, persistence, and creative ability unknown to them at other times.” says Napoleon Hill in his classic book, Think and Grow Rich.

Now, YOU can use SEX to purposely power up your brain and let your creative genius juices flow. Here’s how:

The sex spurts To Turning-On Your Creative Juices!

1. If it ain’t hot and hard already, stoke up the fire…
It’s a well known fact that most of the geniuses, creators, leaders and entrepreneurs of the past and present have very strong sex drives. If you are a bit ‘limp’ or ‘cold’ when it comes to sex, you need to take action and get your juices flowing again! Whether you turn to Viagra, or if you are a woman take herbs like muirapuama, catuaba, and maca, you’ve got to get your sex energy up and buzzing.

If you are healthy, you are going to have a strong sex drive. If you have any kind of long-term illness, particularly anything affecting the spine, the kidneys, or sex organs, then you need to do whatever you can to beat that illness with the help of your medical practitioners.

Personally, I’d also recommend you start working on mental causes and work with the ideas presented by Louise Hay in her book “You Can Heal Your Life”. Then I’d suggest you start to explore natural health and particularly the area of raw food diet. The Bragg health guides (www.bragg.com) are excellent and have stood the test of time. I also like the book, “Radical Rejuvenation” by Roxy Dillon, which features an excellent guide to the best use of aphrodisiac herbs.

2. Revel in your sexual energy… rejoice in the life force gushing between your thighs!
How sensuous are you?? Do you delight in the tastes of foods and drink? Do you relish the warm touch of bare skin or the coolness of satin? Do you allow yourself to experience pleasure in your environment, in the beauty and wonder of Nature? What about music? Can you get sassy with Barry White, groove to L’il Kim, soar with Mozart, and just delight in the abundance of pleasure and good feelings that music brings you? This is a great big wonderful world of sensation and experience. Learn to experience things in the present moment, fully and completely!

Remember your sex energy is your lust for life! It’s your passion! Get passionate, get sensuous! Love your body! I know that’s a toughie for a lot of people, but if you don’t do it you’ll never discover your Paradise Portal!

Paradise Portal? What’s that?!

Your body is a portal to Paradise. Your body is an instrument that can create and experience pure unadulterated Bliss! Get in there and love it! Feel it, touch it, play with it, pleasure it, and savour the sensations that your body gives you as you kiss, as you stroke, as you masturbate or as you fuck!

And if you have a problem with the F-word – practice saying, “I Love To Fuck” 100 times a day until you can say it and take a dirty ribald pleasure in saying it! Love the life in you – it’s really, really good!

3. Get yourself a muse and amuse yourself…
To paraphrase Paul McCartney you “need somebody to love”! He’s a great example of a modern genius using a muse to inspire his creativity. Think of all the wonderful love songs he has written for the late Linda McCartney such as “Maybe I’m Amazed”, “I Will”, “The Lovely Linda” and “My Love”. His mum, his children, John Lennon’s son, and lately Heather Mills have all inspired him to write beautiful songs that have become hits.

Who do you love? Who do you lust after?

I remember when I was first courting my current girlfriend. I remember it as one of the most creative times of my life! And it was such fun! We met and fell in love over the telephone and didn’t actually meet for the first 6 – 8 weeks. I was a horny young devil and the air was ripe with innuendo and sexual wordplay… and laughter. When you’ve got a muse you are always amused! We exchanged cards, faxes and letters, all of which were gems of pure creative genius – in that we both laughed hysterically and felt wonderful! We were both doing our utmost to woo and win the other…

When all of your passion and sexual energy is focussed on the pursuit of another and the attempt to win their affection, your mind fires on all cylinders!

Shakespeare had his secret lover. Napoleon had his Josephine. Cleopatra had Mark Anthony.

Who do you have to inspire you to mighty deeds and great thoughts?

If you are married… my commiserations. No! I’m joking! Do you still have that lust for your partner? If not, can you remember it? When you feel love for them, how do you express it? Feel inside and be guided as to how you want to show them that you love them, that you want them!

Imagine how you’d feel if they died. What would you want to say to them? They are going to die, someday. And so are you. You have a limited amount of time. Be aware of it and see your relationship within that context. It can be the spur that makes you want to express your love!

If you are anything like me, you are constantly trying to figure out how to get more sex with your partner! It takes being a genius to figure out how to fit it in what with work, her schedule, my schedule, the toddlers schedule, eating, sleeping, exercising, doing the laundry, housework!

I’ve got charts and blueprints drawn up! “Okay, she’ll be here at this time. She’ll be wearing sweat pants then – easy to pull down he-he-he! The kid’ll be watching TV downstairs, I’ll have approximately 18 minutes to initiate something before I need to go give him his 2nd stage of breakfast before nursery school. Hmm … I need an excuse to be there …aha! Eureka! I’ll just say…” etc )

But then, I’m such a dawg!

Now if you are single and looking… well, the world is chock full of muses! You need your wits about you constantly. You need to be on your best form as you talk and try to tantalize the potential lovers you pursue.

Look all around you. You can fall in love a dozen times a day when you are single and hungry for love. You can lust after 50 strangers or more a day too!

Your restless eyes scan all the people you meet and measure them against your internal “cuteness” gauge. If they meet your mark, all the internal bells go off, the adrenaline and endorphins start to pump inside you and your pheromones go into overdrive! You gaze over and try and catch their eyes. Is there a spark? Is there a smile for you?

When you are in that state of yearning, you are at the gateway to creativity. You can speak eloquently of your lust, your love, your pain … probably not to the person you are hounding after, but if you try to express it by writing down your thoughts, you’ll probably find yourself writing at a higher level than normal.

When you are directly vying for the attention of someone you fancy, you’ll strive to impress him or her. You’ll be funnier, more daring, and more original than normal. All that is mitigated of course by how nervous you feel, your self-esteem and level of confidence. But usually after the initial nervousness has worn off, you can really get in your stride.

Maybe you’ll compose a song. Write a poem. Think up jokes. Research things that he/she is interested in. Paint pictures. Cook elaborate dinners. Read more books. Reflect on movies. And figure out how the hell you are going to get into his/her pants! And stay there as long as you want!

4. Why saying “No” to Sex can skyrocket your creative passion…
I wanted to call this section “Agaping hole you just want to fill and fill… but don’t!” But that’s just being crude and a little obscure rather than clever! What I do want to tell you about is Agape and Courtly love.

Agape (pronounced “ä gä´ p-a-”) is a Greek word meaning “unselfish love of one person for another” which Gandhi used during his non-violent campaigns in India.

Mahatma Gandhi was a funny old bird. He had a lot of very kooky ideas! But what a genius…

You probably know that he was a celibate. And at the height of his powers he wore little more than a loincloth and endured lengthy periods without food. He used fasting as a way to protest against the harsh rule of the British in India.

It is said that during these long protest fasts, Gandhi would sleep (while remaining celibate) with two virgin girls either side of him. Apparently this helped to boost his energy levels and gave him the mental fortitude to persist. Hmm, I wonder if my wife would let me do that next time I’m doing a fast?

Fasting is physically debilitating and you don’t have a lot of energy for sex. But have you ever had a cold or the flu, and then seen your partner naked? You know you are not “up to it” physically but the mind is still willing! Old men report the same thing … they know they can’t get an erection but they still enjoy thinking about sex!

Gandhi was tantamount to a saint in his commitment to his spirituality. He would have taken that buzz of physical closeness and turned it into pure love, and used that energy to figure out his next move in his campaign to peacefully oust the British.

On a more romantic level let’s talk about “courtly love”.

The Knights in shining armour – fantasy figures for hundreds of years of women right to the present day it seems – had a special code of conduct when it came to amour… they called it Courtly Love.

Now there appear to be several interpretations and versions of courtly love. But the basic idea runs something like this…

The dashing young knight, Sir Loves Tolancealot, arrives at the castle and soon falls in love with a nobleman’s pretty wife and vice versa. He however is a man of honour and she a virtuous woman. Under the rules of courtly love they can let their passion flow unbridled as long as they don’t engage in physical intercourse. This was known as a donnoi relationship.

So while Sir Loves Tolancealot and the Lady Prettipuss might engage in sleeping together nude, nude caresses and embraces, they can’t and won’t copulate! But you can be sure there were hours and hours of mutual ravishing with the eyes, punctuated by doting, frustrated sighs!

Been there, done that!

Now according to the historical reports left to us by these Knights and fair Ladies, and sung about by wandering minstrels and troubadours, courtly love was highly popular. These relationships ignited their imaginations and lifted their psyches to new levels of emotional intensity and feeling, much more than ordinary sexual pairings did.

If you get yourself into that heightened state of emotional intensity you are going to be:

• More aware
• More sensitive to stimuli
• Feeling more alive
• Exuberant and expressive
• More energised and inspired

… And those are all qualities you can draw on to be creative, inspirational, and exceptionally minded.

So learn to tease your desire and hold it at fever pitch, because arousal will benefit you mentally and spiritually. You can do it with anything you want – it doesn’t have to be sex, though sex is the most effective. When you are hungry, take a piece of fruit into your mouth and just “hold” it there … see how long you can go without actually chewing it, just close your eyes and taste it, feel its texture, savour everything about it.

With your sexual partner you might try experimenting with “courtly love”. Let your desire and lust build and build. Restrict yourself to cuddles, caressing and anything but full-penetrative orgasm. You can even practice karezza – where the man penetrates the woman but you just embrace each other without thrusting and just feel one-another and bask in the sensations.

Experiment with courtly love. The longer you can go, the more creative you will become. Just keep on finding ways to express your love/lust without actually going the whole hog. Keep that feeling as high as possible. And from that state, create, invent, write, sing, dance, express yourself!

5. Transforming Sexual Energy into Pure Genius!

So let’s recap. Sexual desire is the most powerful human emotion. By achieving a state of sexual desire and maintaining it, you keep the mind in a heightened state of arousal and activity. When you mix sex and love, you have the perfect mix for drawing on the creative mind… if you can transmute or turn your desire for sex into a desire for something else, such as writing a poem, working out a business problem or getting direct spiritual insights.

Over indulgence in sex and orgasm, will quell the feeling of desire and the affect that it has on the mind. Once a man ejaculates, more often than not he rolls over and falls asleep! One moment he’s a tiger, straining with every part of his body and mind to get what he wants … the next he’s unconscious!

Female arousal is slower to heat up and slower to cool down, so the affect of sexual arousal on the mind is not so obvious. But it still works the same way.

Your goal is to access states of mind that geniuses do. You require the stimulation of the most powerful human emotion: sex. This will bring your mind to a heightened state of awareness and sensitivity. In expanded states of consciousness you have access to sources of knowledge that you would not otherwise have when simply involved in everyday reality thinking (worry, obsessing, trivial pursuits etc).

Let’s say that you want to brainstorm for a business idea. You’ve obviously given it a lot of “rational” conscious thought and not really come up with anything. Take yourself somewhere private and comfortable, settle down, relax. Begin to get aroused. You can fantasise about your lover, about getting naked and making love. You might also physically stimulate yourself through masturbation (hence the need for privacy!). Get good and hot! However, don’t get too carried away. You are not to come or ejaculate.

When you are aroused, use your will-power to turn your mind to your business, and turn that arousal and state of lust over to the problem or challenge. You can actually shift your desire for your lover over to the problem or rather to the solution to the problem. How? Well, it requires a bit of imagination. And imagination is the primary tool of genius, as it is the gateway to intuition and infinite wisdom.

Simply imagine that you are equally turned-on by the idea of getting a solution to this problem. Make love to the problem and seek out the climax – the answers you are seeking. Yes, I know this is bizarre and weird but it works! Just fake it till you make it. You can do anything that you can conceive of.

This will work in any field of endeavour.

Get aroused. Then focus on your area of work and what you want to achieve in it. Focus your mind on all the known factors of your particular project (all the information you have gathered, all the actions that you have taken so far). Then allow a perfect mental picture to arise of all the unknown factors (what remains unfinished).

Hold that vision and let it saturate your mind.

Then let it go. Clear the mind of all thought.

And wait for the answer to “flash” into your mind!

6. Conserve Sexual Fluids if you want to be The Greatest!
Muhammad Ali knew it. All the great fighters know it. You can’t be at your best if you’ve recently “come”.

This is a controversial and much argued subject.

On the one hand, if you have sex and ejaculate and lose bodily fluids, it is said that you are weaker physically and mentally for a period of time after. And that is the experience of many men and women. Hence the expression, “I feel totally shagged out!” or “I fucked my brains out last night!”

On the other hand, when you are very uptight and sexually pent-up, having sex can relax you, release mental knots and allow you to flow into different states of consciousness.

Sexual fluid though is very similar chemically to brain fluids. Deplete one and it seems that you deplete the other.

The Taoist Sages and Martial Art teachers advise that we refrain from “wasteful” ejaculation and instead internalise orgasmic energy, directing it upwards so that it can nourish the brain and enliven various energy points and chakras.

At the simplest level, redirecting the sexual energy involves tensing the anal sphincter muscles and the muscles that control the flow of urine, to stop ejaculation, and imagining the sexual energy flowing up into the brain. Please refer to the following books for detailed instruction.

For Men:

“Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy” by Mantak Chia

For Women:

“Healing Love Through The Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy” By Mantak Chia & Maneewan Chia

These books are available through the website: http://www.universal-tao.com . …And from most online booksellers and big offline bookstores.

The art of Chi Kung and particularly Sexual Chi Kung is too complex to convey here. However, I highly recommend it and strongly advise that you investigate further. Chi Kung is rapidly emerging in the West as an exceptional health system that can have profound effects on body, mind and spirit.

Prayer mat of the flesh…

Sex is one the most wonderful experiences of human life. Unless you’ve been “screwed up”. This powerful life force that flows through you is the life force of Creation itself. It is a wild force that can lash out and cause damage unless harnessed with love and wisdom. When it is used intelligently and channelled into Love, romance and creative pursuits that add to the beauty and abundance of life, then it may be said to be the energy of the Creator. And that is You!

The Supreme Intelligence of Life seeks to create and expand infinitely. The genes of all life forms fight and scheme to expand their dominance. Sex driving them on.

Worship this living energy of Universal Intelligence that flows in your body… and you will gain access to that Infinite Source of Wisdom!

Sex is the genius gene-in-us!

Iconic Players: Porfirio Rubirosa

Iconic Players will forever have an aura of mystery and awe surrounding their lives; the air of unbelievable accomplishment in the realm of romance and passion fittingly surrounds their legacies. If we look back at the life of Dominican diplomat, polo player and race car driver, Porfirio Rubirosa, we can’t help but basically worship his effortless achievement with women. We reserve the right to be melodramatic in the face of such a prodigious ladies’ man, and although you may not be in possession of his inherent gifts, you may glean something helpful from his style. All players even yours truly, will always look to iconic Players of immense — almost mythic — achievement simply for the sake of learning. It is a humbling process, but in the end even the most successful and world-renowned Players primarily use that which we’re all capable of wielding: a persona that attracts women

Size does matter

There is a very good reason why extra-long pepper mills in French bistros are actually called “Rubirosas.” The rumored length of Rubirosa’s massive member generated much in the way of widespread disbelief. In a biography by Shawn Levy entitled, The Last Playboy: The High Life Of Porfirio Rubirosa, homosexual photographer Jerome Zerbe described it as “Yul Brynner in a black turtleneck.” His third wife, Doris Duke, was even more explicit in her description: “six inches in circumference…much like the last foot of a Louisville Slugger baseball bat…” Now, one can argue and debate all one wishes about the importance of size, but the nasty, uncompromising truth is that men blessed with such a natural gift tend to fare well in the game of sex

and passion. Although Rubirosa had a lot more going for him, discounting this fact would be downright naive.

Associate yourself with excitement

In the aforementioned biography, we learn that Rubirosa found boredom “unbearable.” The man led a life of constant excitement in the eyes of every man, from the moment he risked his life by eloping with the daughter of Dominican dictator Rafael Trujillo to the tragic Ferrari car crash on July 5, 1965 that ended his life. His political background coupled with his love of fast vehicles and high-profile women made him a legend — and it only goes to show that quality females typically despise boredom as well. Rubirosa’s life is the perfect example of such a theory, and one must admit that without his zest for thrills, his physical endowment would have only taken him so far. Excitement and danger will always be guaranteed aphrodisiacs.

Indulge in variety

Perhaps you’re not familiar with the list: Flor de Oro (aforementioned daughter of Trujillo), French film actresses Danielle Darrieux and Odile Rodin, wealthy heiresses Doris Duke and Barbara Hutton, Zsa Zsa Gabor, and romantic links to the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Dolores Del Rio, Ava Gardner, Rita Hayworth, Soraya Esfandiary, Veronica Lake, Kim Novak, Christina Onassis, Eartha Kitt, and Eva Peron. These are only the names we know; the number of Rubirosa’s conquests could very well give Wilt Chamberlain a run for his money. The bottom line is that this particular Playboy was the epitome of the true Player maxim: “adore all women.” His wide variety of sexual exploits may be almost unparalleled, and although it could be argued that he merely associated with said heiresses to become obscenely rich (which did indeed happen), the fact remains that Rubirosa did not pursue only one type of women. He valued distinct beauty and perhaps an even more distinct personality — and that’s why he is a timeless legend.

Highlight your power

Have you ever wondered how some politicians land such amazing wives? The truth of the matter is that power, especially political power, is a gigantic advantage to have; women often associate leadership and intelligence with such men. In other words, the charismatic politician has plenty of ammunition in pursuing women, and Rubirosa’s relatively simple — even benign — label of “diplomat” most certainly drew a woman’s eye. Granted, being a professional athlete of any kind will give one access to a fine selection of rapturous females, but handing out business cards with the title of “diplomat” affixed to the front will inevitably yield results. You know what’s even more appealing to women

Rubirosa eloped with de Oro a mere week after meeting her, which means the man was more than ready to risk his political affiliation for the love of an intoxicating lady. In this case, the “lady” was a mere 17 years old, but hey — sometimes love knows no bounds.

Don’t be tied down

It may be a little-known fact (but not difficult to accept) that Rubirosa insisted on the freedom to live while he was with any given partner. In other words, he wanted to be able to remain close to his family and he wished to get out and make as many new friends as possible; he thrived on human communication, and he wasn’t about to be stifled by a possessive or jealous woman

This man lived in a forgiving, experimental atmosphere and only asked that he be allowed to remain social and live the life he prefers. Of course, all women want attention and they aren’t about to cut their guys loose so they can head down to the strip club, but at the same time, maintaining your independence is key. Not only does it keep options open (that little black book will be frequently updated), but it also shows a strong, secure, social, and independent nature that women are naturally attracted to.

The man, the legend

Porfirio Rubirosa wasn’t just an iconic player he was a man who became a legitimate legend in the world of romance and passion. His CV is indeed impressive –  perhaps one of the most accomplished in history — but the fact is that without skills any man can refine and hone, we wouldn’t be talking about him today. Take that to heart. .

The philosophy that I promote falls in-between two self-development movements without fitting into any.

1. Seduction community: They are focused on satisfying their
sexual desires and sacrifice their authenticity.
2. Spiritual community: They develop themselves spiritually to
improve every aspect of life and mostly skip their sexuality.

Some people may wonder… if I am teaching spiritual development
and improving every aspect of life, why am I so focused on
sexuality?

We are actually doing sexual transmutation. We are channeling our sexual energy to make profound changes into our lives. Napoleon Hill talks about Sexual Transmutation in his famous book Think and Grow Rich. Sex is a very powerful force of life. Our sexual energy is grounded to the Earth and our love energy is grounded to the Universe, so in some way we could say that sexuality is half of life. That’s why it is so important. That’s why we want to solve this so badly. That’s why it is so powerful.

Your sexual energy can lead you to leave everything behind and to travel. It can motivate you to bring profound changes into your
life. It can guide you to be with some people instead of other people.

You can also transmute your sexual energy into creativity. It can bring you inspiration to compose some of the finest music or to
paint some of the most beautiful drawings. It can bring you strength to build projects and businesses. It can bring you motivation to follow your dreams to the very end.

Sexuality and sexual energy is a very powerful force that you can use to move your life forward in all areas

The fundamental premise of both Alchemy and Tantra is the transformation of energy. If one considers that the foundation of the spiritual work is to achieve a transformation of one’s own “psyche” or soul, it then becomes evident that this foundation is elaborated within alchemical and tantric works. In reality, tantra and alchemy are the same exact thing.

The most potent transformation of a system occurs by utilizing its most concentrated center of energy, and within the physical organism this center is precisely located at the sex. For this reason, the transmutation of sexual energy is the basis of all physical, psychological and spiritual transformation. This is a tremendous key that lies hidden at the center of every sacred tradition.

The Seal of Solomon or the Star of David is a tantric symbol found throughout the world. The triangle is the fundamental geometrical construct, and it represents the three primary forces of creation: positive, negative, and neutral. These three forces exist within any cosmos, including the human being, itself being the microcosmos. Joining together equal but oppositely polarized triangles produces the transformation of energy that is tantrism itself. Physically this is the union of man and woman, yet it is a process that reverberates throughout all the levels of existence, within all the creative cosmoses.

In general society today sexuality is understood in a very gross and material fashion. Only when it is comprehended that sexuality is anterior to the act between a man and a woman – and far beyond the lusts of sensation that it is normally associated with – can the true meaning of tantrism be known. Tantrism is not “sex” as far as this term is understood by society, yet, at its root there is no way to deny that tantrism is nothing more than a sophisticated term for sexuality. Indeed it is true that the union of man and woman is tantric, yet so is the union of wisdom and compassion, or the skillful union of willpower and imagination which forms the basis of meditation. Therefore, tantrism is the science of harnessing the energy that forms from the crossing of elements.

Types of Sexuality

There are three fundamental classes of sexuality:

1. Suprasexuality: Characterized by the transmutation of sexual energy, the pinnacle of which is the type of functioning that prophets such as Buddha, Jesus, Krishna, Mohammad, etc. possess. Their bodies, minds, and spirits are the outcome of incessant and innumerable sexual transmutations. They perfectly transform each moment of existence, thus they perfectly perceive the true nature of all cosmic phenomena.

2. Normal sexuality: The functioning related with the procreation of the species where no psycho-sexual conflict exists.

3. Infrasexuality: The functioning of any and all forms of fornication or sexual misconduct. Including: masturbation, adultery, and homosexuality. This area is divided by the Kabbalah into the spheres of Lilith and Nehamah.

Any guy that could get Marilyn Monroe in the sack is an iconic Player to us
If there was any president of the United States that could conjure up images of nobility, charisma and personality, and appeal to the common man at the same time, John F. Kennedy is the arguable choice. No other man at the helm of the American administration brought the character to the platform that he did, and more importantly, evoked inspiration among men and women.

John F. Kennedy was larger than life.

And this, my friends, was what made him appealing to not just politicians and voters, but also to adoring women who saw him as a sex-tacular figure. John F. Kennedy was well-known before and during his tenure as president not only for his nifty political moves, but also for his success in seducing women. Here are some of the better-known qualities that made the women swoon for America’s favorite “Jack,” iconic Player John F. Kennedy.

Charisma

You may have noticed that with all of our iconic Players, there seems to be a similar quality among them: charisma. Frank Sinatra  had it, Warren Beatty oozed it and, in JFK’s case, he presided over it. This man knew how to turn the charisma on like a faucet. He was intelligent, he was witty and he had a charming smile to boot.

Kennedy had that “Hollywood appeal” that made him a larger-than-life figure among women. When he got in front of a microphone or a television camera, he just knew what to say, and he used the same charm to woo well-known mistresses and girlfriends such as Judith Campbell Exner, Mary Pinchot Meyer and the seductress herself, Marilyn Monroe (even at times causing national security concerns with his adultery, and arousing the suspicions of the CIA when it was revealed that Mary Pinchot Meyer was connected to the Mafia). JFK was well-known for having the ability to wring the most out of any sexual relationship, and imparted energy that his girlfriends had to ”match” to keep up with his exuberance.

Make sure that you match your charm with the ability to communicate and listen, something iconic Player John F. Kennedy was so well known for. Half the reason why women like a guy is because he can say the right things at the right time, which will fail miserably if you can’t listen to what she’s saying. Charisma can be the result of an effective communicator.

Don´t be sloppy

The one tried-and-true weapon a Player can wield is a well-tailored suit (and a wardrobe to match). There’s nothing more important than making that crucial first impression with a well-fitted, nicely pressed two-button suit with a crisp collar and a bold tie. This old trick has worked for decades, and when you’re the prez like JFK was, the public (and adoring women) expected no less.

John F. Kennedy became the poster boy for the blue pinstripe single-breasted suit. It was a conservative cut at the time (even for a swinging Democrat), but the well-dressed president always wore his best in public. Women swooned as his on-camera sex appeal convinced television-watching American voters that Kennedy had won the infamous 1960 debate with Richard Nixon (while those listening on the radio thought Richard Nixon was the victor). Either way, John F. Kennedy dressed to kill, and so should you.

When you look like a slob, you feel like a slob, and women have that sixth sense when it comes to fashion. If you want to get the presidential treatment from women, you can never go wrong with navy or charcoal suits, white or light blue shirts, solid-colored ties, and black or brown shoes — and that’s just for the authoritative look. Try wearing patterns or off-beat colors in a subtle manner for a bit of casual zing. Remember, an iconic Player like John F. Kennedy is never a sloppy dresser. A man in a suit is, and always will be, a hot commodity.

Find a niche

Speaking of looking good in front of the camera, one of the intriguing qualities that Kennedy portrayed was his unusual combination of holding a high position of power while having that rare Hollywood persona. How many times have we seen presidents and statesmen fumble over their own words on camera or look like they’re choking on their own awkwardness? Not John F. Kennedy. And that’s why he was one of the most revered politicians to date.

JFK brought a taste of the dramatic with him wherever he went. Even before his ascension to commander-in-chief, Kennedy always had an interesting adventure or wild relationships. The Hepburns and Monroes were just the tip of the iceberg to whet his insatiable thirst for flings; even his dad, Joesph Kennedy, was lining up women for Jack and his football buddies when he was in college. Still, the man with the perfect grin and the rock-solid waves of hair had peace and foreign policy at the tip of his tongue. Arguably no other political figure had quite the second life as JFK did.

Maybe it was the position of power and maybe it was his Hollywood persona, but JFK had both, which made him an unusual but larger-than-life figure. That sort of off-kilter personality is exactly what women look for, something that breaks the norm and lets you stand out above the rest of the pack (refer back to my article on iconic player Serge Gainsbourg). Don’t be afraid to stray from the norm of being a gentleman and getting in touch with your quirky side.

Review your track record

Let’s face it — any man who can have a short, wild affair with one of history’s sexiest starlets (Marilyn Monroe) is a man with a good track record. She was America’s darling sex object, and all it took was a few casual meetings for the two of them to bridge Hollywood and Washington.

Now to be fair, JFK and Marilyn’s relationship was brief and hardly anything to write home about considering the number of girlfriends and flings JFK enjoyed throughout the years. However, perhaps it was the fact that he got away with his flings so many times that made it most impressive. Well before his career as a statesman, Jack’s experiences as a Harvard student, a war veteran, a skilled football player, and a budding politician lent him the opportunities to meet other famous faces that he could add to his list. He bedded famous names such as Audrey Hepburn, Shirley MacLaine, Ava Garder, Janet Leigh, Judy Garland, and many more. Amazingly, he took his game closer to the White House grounds when he was elected president, having torrid affairs with press secretary Pamela Turnure and intern Mimi Fahnestock. The President even had a dalliance with Ellen Rometsch, an East German spy. JFK was an iconic Player on a mission, and never let his knack for successful politicking get in the way of his lust for a pretty face.

When you’re as persistent as Kennedy was, it’s only a matter of time before you get a chance with a beauty like Marilyn Monroe. Aim high; start approaching 10´s and don’t be afraid to get turned down. You’d be surprised at who’s in your league if you pull the right strings.

Jack the lad.

There’s no two ways about it: John F. Kennedy was an iconic Player. He was a smart, charming and good-looking politician who moved the masses and wooed the women. His list of mistresses is long and numerous but nonetheless prolific, and never did his myriad of dalliances ever impede his effectiveness as one of the most respected presidents in modern history.

There are many definitions, for me, sexual transmutation is the act of transforming sexual energy into creativity, increased productivity, happiness, health, confidence and power.

What benefits come from practising sexual transmutation?

You may find yourself needing less sleep. You may experience more energy, or a willingness to get out of your house more often and interact with women.You may take up more creative endeavours, such as playing the guitar, writing poetry, painting, singing, dancing, or creativity towards business and personal objectives.

So what is sexual energy?

When I first started learning about this stuff, I did not understand the concept of “sexual energy”. One of the strongest desires for most people is to have sex.

It’s no surprise to say guys think about sex all the time.

If we are not thinking about sex, we are probably thinking about how to get more money, a better car, or more power so that we can attract and sleep with beautiful women.

How does sexual energy feel?

For me, the energy is often focused on the groin area, and has a pulsing sensation. I consider this the “raw” energy before transmutation. However, after an intense exercise of an hour or more, this feeling goes away and leads to a more refined and powerful feeling of confidence and alertness.

I do not expect everyone to experience this the same way I do. If you are interested in this process, I suggest you actively learn and experiment with this sexual energy on your own. It’s possible that your experience may vary greatly from what I’m writing.

Who will this work for?

Sexual transmutation works for all ages.

Yes, sexual transmutation. will work for women, although the technique is different. Women are more yin (to use the Chinese term). This means they are like water. When women orgasm, they do not generally lose sexual energy.

However, men (yang) are like fire. When we ejaculate, we lose energy and become more lethargic.

If you have a girlfriend or are married, this makes things more difficult. You can still have sex without ejaculating, which I’ll describe later. You can also practice this for just a few days at a time. I suggest you keep reading, and maybe you can also apply this methodology in your life.

Why should I not ejaculate?

When you do not ejaculate, you are building up a dam within yourself. This is an extremely powerful flowing river, possibly the strongest energy we contain as humans.

By not ejaculating for a period of time, you can refocus the flow of this dam to more creative means, such as exercising, art, business, and other fulfilling activities.

However, if you do not actively transmute this energy, the dam is too powerful and it will overtake you and draw you toward psychosis, depression, or other negative channels.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, then sometimes it is a good idea to just “let it go” and ejaculate. For me, I needed to get my body used to not ejaculating as often. This was a habit I had since childhood, and it took me a long time to break.

Would you rather a little 5-second “spurt” of pleasure, or a week of high intensity productivity?

Once you understand this simple point, it’s easy to go longer periods without the need to ejaculate.

Are sexual thoughts bad?

Personally, I do not see any problem with practicing Sexual Transmutation and also allowing your mind to freely engage in sexual thoughts.

Although there is some debate on this topic, my view is that it’s damaging (and potentially harmful) to suppress these natural, sexual thoughts.

You may find that your thoughts become colored with sexuality. Your speech may take on sexual connotations. This is normal. The sexual energy is simply finding new outlets of expression.

However, if these sexual thoughts are too powerful for you and leading you to masturbation and ejaculation, then you need to improve your will power.

When properly harnessed, sexual transmutation is like taking a drug that turbo charges your levels of motivation.

Warren Beatty tops our iconic Players list

How many times does a lover cross a star before he travels the universe? At least as many times that Tinseltown playboy Warren Beatty has shared the bed with his multitudes of famous women. And that doesn’t include the ones who have bragged about being one of “Warren’s Girls.”

The name might not be so recognizable these days to the younger generations (which makes me feel beyond my years saying that), but he was a star on the big screen, acting in and producing such memorable films as Bonnie and Clyde, Heaven Can Wait, Reds, Dick Tracy, and Bugsy. However, just as famous as he was for acting, Warren Beatty was known for having some of the most lecherous eyes in Hollywood. In fact, he was one of the most notoriously single bachelors in his time, and garnered quite the reputation as a proud lady killer. Any player capable of publicly stating, “My notion of a wife at 40 is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two 20s,” is well-deserving of his Player status.

However, the best part about Warren Beatty was that he was one of the most likable characters in Hollywood, and his exes thought the same thing. He bedded more women over the span of his entire 40-year film career than he made movies, and this man has a pretty hefty list of film and acting awards under his belt. Before he married his current lady Annette Benning in 1992, Warren Beatty was a true dichotomist, a talented jack-of-all-trades entertainer in Hollywood, but he was also a true seduction artist with a fine-tuned game that left many notable women in awe of his romantic touch. Always one to take a cue from a man of his status, here are some tips from Warren Beatty’s game that made him a hit with the ladies and a true world-renowned Player.

Be passionate

Passion — an accomplishment that many guys think they’ve got in the bag, but are actually far from it. A passionate romance is the silver bullet for a great hookup, but is the hardest Player trait to maintain — it is perpetual, it can’t be forced, it is built with chemistry, spontaneity, and a full understanding of your girl’s mental game, and most guys think they have it when, really, they don’t. Women are emotional creatures; you’ll rarely find a girl who has a stone-cold demeanor and an equally soulless personality to boot. They like emotion; they like passion; they like guys who please them intellectually, romantically and, of course, sexually. Many guys attempt it, only a few succeed at it, and even fewer can maintain it. However, it remains a challenge nonetheless, especially for the Player looking to make the most of his relationships.

Women know when passion exists; they have a sixth sense for it, and you’ll know when you’ve made that ever-important connection — you can feel passion for your partner. If we take a look at how Warren Beatty accomplished this many times over, we realize it’s not really what he said about it, but rather his girlfriends who held him on a pedestal for his intense, emotionally charged romantic escapades. Goldie Hawn boasted about his passion for her as more than just a sexual feeling: “It was about the tenderness,” she proclaimed after experiencing Warren Beatty’s style. Elizabeth Taylor went one step further: “Out of 10, I’d give him a 15.” I’d say that’s pretty good endorsement and a testament to the passion that Warren Beatty embodied. When your exes are still giving you rave reviews, you must be doing something right, and Warren Beatty was a master at it.

Keep your cool

A good player is one who never cracks under pressure; he can make the recovery and come across with the same dignity and class he started with before he made his move. Likewise, whether the pickup goes great or not, a Player never turns into an emotional waterfall; girls don’t like a sob story, and men just look stupid gushing about things that make her uncomfortable. Women have an uncanny ability to lose interest in guys who can be broken down easily, so keep the stiff upper lip. Keep your cool when the going gets tough (but remember to be candid when it’s called for, as will be discussed later in the article).

Warren Beatty was excellent at keeping his composure when he was rejected or when he ended a relationship; he never let his emotions get the best of him. For instance, his old flame Carly Simon seemed so disenchanted with Warren Beatty and his flick-of-the-switch “love ‘em and leave ‘em approach” that her hit single “You’re So Vain” was rumored to be about her disdain for Warren Beatty moving onto his next girlfriend, Natalie Wood. Warren’s response? “Thanks for the song,” and he then proceeded to charm the pants off Natalie Wood. No one really knows if the song was an allusion to the bed-hopping Beatty but, rest assured, Warren Beatty didn’t even flinch when it ended, a textbook example of moving on from an ex and also a great Player quality.

Players balance their time

Remember the bank note quote? If this were said today by any mainstream figure, it would be sneered and jeered by everyone on the spectrum. Still, even though these words came from the horse’s mouth, it was simply Warren Beattty being Warren Beattty, playing up his status as a “womanizer” when, in reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Here is a man who prided his relationships on being in control. That’s not say he was controlling by any means, but rather he was the one who dictated his own destiny when it came to women. Warren Beatty was not a pushover; he wooed the woman with his good looks, natural charm and self-imposed rule of not getting too tied down by any one person (that, of course, ended with his eventually marriage to Annette Benning). He also found time to pursue other hobbies outside of being a Player; Warren Beattty was one of the hardest-working guys in the film industry, devoting much of his time to his acting and producing career, traveling and taking time off at will. He also worked tirelessly as a Democratic Party activist, including flirting with the idea of running as a Democrat for the 2000 election (which he ended up not pursuing). Regardless of what took up his time, Warren Beatty kept an interest in relationships, but never at the cost of his hobbies. Likewise, good Players never put all their eggs in one basket; they are able to manage their time, resources and efforts in a healthy balance of work, home and lifestyle.

Be subtle

At times, it would seem like Warren Beattty is a walking contradiction — he never raved about his love life; he took the high ground and kept his mouth shut when it came to personal matters, and it was only when prodded by curious journalists or other inquisitive minds would he mention anything about it — a shenanigan recluse, of sorts. Still, when he did talk, he talked candidly and with a tone of confidence that portrayed him as accepting of his dubious relationships with women – or, in his own words, “It was what it was.” Warren Beatty wasn’t a “closet” player by any means; he walked tall, and men and women alike took notice.

The same principle can apply to your game as well, especially since the same problems and challenges that existed for Players back in Warren’s day still exist for the modern man. Warren Beatty would lock his sights on a woman and use all of his inner resources to captivate her time and time again. His relationship with Julie Christie, for example, was so important to him that he even publicly called her his “wife,” albeit they never tied the knot. Still, he remained subtle about his relationships and let his critics and fans draw their own conclusions. This is the calling of a true Player — you don’t draw attention to yourself, but you do make yourself honestly candid with her in an intimate setting; confidence in your game will bridge that gap. Our boy Warren Beatty followed this to a tee, and his status as a sex symbol was cemented as a result of his discreet but sincere nature.

beatty summed up

It’s ironic how a man whose unofficial status of “Hollywood Playboy” managed to fall in love and tie the knot before his aptly named Love Affair (despite the fact the film was loosely based on his relationship with Annette Benning), but life throws its quirks in the weirdest places. Warren Beatty managed to hold out until the ripe age of 54 before deciding to settle down, and it was without regret and with a legendary status that he did so, almost like riding off into the sunset for the closing shot of a great Western movie.

Like a skilled ventriloquist, Warren Beatty managed to dangle his relationships in one hand and his acting career in other, and all over the course of a brilliant 40-year career in Hollywood, starting at Splendor in the Grass (1961) all the way to Bugsy (1991). Women wanted him, men wanted to be him, and all because he exemplified the true colors of a Player — smart, witty, confident, charming, and above all, unique. These qualities aren’t hard to adopt and maintain; you just have to be prudent about yourself, know what you want and understand the women you choose to pursue. It also doesn’t hurt to have an Academy Award under your belt; but remember boys, one step at a time.

Be the followed, not the follower

Rather than playing the role of the creepy stalker guy and  checking a girl’s Twitter page 50 times a day, it’s best to simply restrict your browsing to colleagues and close friends. Don’t ever sign up to “follow” a woman as it screams a bunch of different things — none of which are complimentary. Simply make an effort to have an interesting Twitter page that player loving women

you meet might enjoy reading from time to time. The added bonus of this tip is that offering your Twitter page address is seen as a sense of security. Furthermore, you don’t require her address because (and you can explain this verbally if you wish) you don’t intend to keep tabs on her. If you play your cards correctly, you will always fall into the role of the virtually pursued rather than the virtual — and potentially weird — pursuer.

Don’t tweet boring details

It’s only a short message but they start to pile up over time, and anybody who visits will quickly get a snapshot of the owner’s personality traits

As a man who rarely shifts out of the fast lane, you should be able to leave plenty of juicy tweets. Telling everyone you just came back from the store and “sadly, they were out of ketchup” is as good as writing, “I never have anything to say.”  By the way, women won’t be the slightest bit impressed if you start polluting your Twitter page with offensive and X-rated junk or other unacceptably racy content. You need to keep your messages in line with your refined, subtle and charming persona. Don’t give away too much, and make sure you don’t use Twitter as an outlet for rage or frustration — and never write a message when you’re irrational.

Don’t over-tweet

Some people really get into this kind of thing, and as a direct result there are dozens upon dozens of updates on any given day. Now, this could be profitable in the long run in certain situations, but for the most part, it only shows you spend too much time in front of the computer, and maybe, just maybe, some of your tweets based on real-life events are fictional. This is especially important if you like to use Twitter to keep everyone updated in regards to your active life outside of work and other trivial daily activities. At some point, nobody is going to believe you spent a weekend at a B&B in Vermont with the hottest woman

on the planet if there were 50 tweets that weekend. Not only must you moderate the content of your posts, but you should also moderate the frequency. You’re a busy guy — have that shine through instead.

Don’t be intimate in your tweets

Anything that millions of people could feasibly see is never intimate or personal, so you should never treat it as a confidential e-mail service. Essentially, Twitter is like standing atop the largest soapbox in the world, speaking your mind for no more than five seconds, and then stepping down. It’s short and likely doesn’t contain any information that would be relevant to the lives of 99.9% of potential viewers, but it could very well rub that one person the wrong way. Therefore, as much as you would like to brag about your most recent conquest, resist the urge to log in to Twitter and type, “Chalk up another victory for the player”

That’s just classless. If you’d like to make your special lady blush every now and then, type up a DM (direct message) rather than a simple “@” — everyone can see the latter while the DM remains private.

the player on twitter

Twitter is one of those Internet fads that really caught on (much like facebook) and due to its popularity, it has by default become a part of communication (whether you like it or not). So feel free to have your own page, but handle it with the same caution and tact with which you handle your own life.

Get some pickup pointers from iconic Player Serge Gainsbourg

The difference between an everyday, run-of-the-mill Player and a legendary, iconic Player is simple: the latter’s body of work is nigh-on unparalleled, and after obtaining such a coveted status, the world realizes that his come-hither persona is universally attractive. There is an intrinsic appeal, one that may lie buried beneath several layers of seemingly unattractive detritus but still exists in all its effective glory. Serge Gainsbourg, a legend in France and most of Europe and an over-the-top artist in every sense of the term, was rough, coarse and even downright nasty at times. However, the entire package created a Player who held the company of the likes of France Gall, Jane Birkin and Brigitte Bardot, and that’s nothing to sneeze at.

He was a Player’s Player, and this iconic Player’s success revolved around the following traits.
Go with your strengths

If a man is a musician or a poet, for example, women will instantly find him intriguing. Serge Gainsbourg was both, and his eccentric, even abusive behavior fit beautifully into the “dark, moody artist” mold. In fact, depending on how far back we go in history, this man may have created the mold. He is the quintessential artist archetype, the man whose mind reeled with the bizarre and even depraved, the true artist whose work only became legendary after his death. In 1969, he turned plenty of heads by releasing a song that featured simulated sounds of the female orgasm (as performed by Bardot), and while most women will say aloud that they disapprove, somewhere deep down… yeah, they know controversial artists are, and always will be, sexy.

Be overtly sexual

An artist is always true to himself. He is who he is, and if you don’t like it, you can shove off. This characterizes Serge Gainsbourg perfectly. No matter where he went, no matter what he did, he exuded nothing but brutal frankness; he wore his sexuality on his sleeve. During one talk show in America that featured Whitney Houston as a guest, Serge Gainsbourg, in shocking-yet-classic Player form, unique to the man, said: “I want to f*ck her.” He went well beyond sexually implicit — and even explicit — songs in the 1970s, and Serge Gainsbourg would relate lurid tales typically revolving around Jane Birkin and Brigitte Bardot to just about anyone who asked. Granted, he was very often drunk and out of sorts, but that just hearkens back to the earlier point: artists are always sexy, making him an iconic Player.

Show different dimensions of your personality

It’s only when you turn to those who knew Serge Gainsbourg best that you realize he had a soft spot. His daughter, singer and movie star Charlotte Gainsbourg, once explained her father’s extreme kindness as almost incidental, but says it really was reflective of the man beneath the man. She told Vanity Fair he was “very touching” and “very generous”; taxi drivers throughout Paris will tell stories about Serge Gainsbourg and his good nature. He even paid for one driver’s teeth to be mended. Women absolutely adore such huge dichotomies in men; to them, it indicates deep sensitivity and emotional intelligence. Besides, this adds another dimension of flavor to a man’s personality!

Spontaneity and unpredictability is key, so when things are slow and your escapades that were once worthy of a storytelling session with frat buddies are now yawn-inducing, take a cue from the French ladies’ man and shake things up. This guy didn’t take them skydiving or mountain climbing, but the perils of his fragile emotional state were exceedingly hazardous, as Jane Birken will probably tell you. Just about every one of Serge Gainsbourg’s relationships were described as “whirlwinds,” and that translates to unending excitement, another reason he’s an iconic Player.

Have a passion

Love him or hate him, Serge Gainsbourg was a passionate individual. His life revolved entirely around the arts, from starting out as a struggling painter and piano player to finally hitting the American charts with Aux armes et caetera in 1979 (it fittingly stalled at No. 69). This passion, whether it shined forth from deep inside in the form of a memorable song or splattered all over a wall during one of his famed outbursts, is a big part of what made Serge Gainsbourg an iconic Player. Ask any woman: Great passion in one venue means that, at the very least, the man is capable of being wonderfully passionate in other areas. It’s only logical, so if you do have a passion, don’t be afraid to tell her all about it. While some say Serge Gainsbourg was surprisingly shy around women (at least, at first), he was never afraid to be passionate, and that’s that.

Serge Gainsbourg was an international iconic Player that redefined the nature of the dark and unpredictable artist, and wasn’t afraid to utilize his strengths when dealing with the hottest of the hot. Regardless of how they perceived him initially, women were ultimately drawn to his unique charisma, which was always on display. This man proved that the traditional artist has permanent sex appeal, making Serge Gainsbourg a true iconic Player.

The Player on facebook

In this new age of rapid-fire communication via electronics, an individual like the player can’t mindlessly adopt every new trend that comes along without considering the benefits and consequences. The likes of Facebook, MySpace and Twitter have allowed us all to keep tabs on one another, and while this can be used to the Player’s advantage, he must also use the same strategy he employs in other areas of his love life. It’s not about simply putting yourself out there to brag about your conquests (and reel in more); it’s about playing the field appropriately in a virtual landscape. This requires a surprising amount of maintenance and precision because even the slightest slip up can fly across the internet at shocking speeds — much to your chagrin. One day, some random girl you’ve never met before and who claims to be “a friend of a friend of a friend” gives you a nasty look followed by the cold shoulder. We’re here today to avoid such frustration.

Not everything should be public knowledge

You do have plenty of control over your profile and what visitors can see, so it’s best to keep certain things private. Whether it’s Facebook or MySpace, you need to limit the scope of your personal experiences and lifestyle. Simply give visitors a taste without launching into some ill-advised relation of your latest escapade. One has to remember that the Player is discreet; he is not the loud-mouthed, obnoxious braggart who will tell anyone with functional ears just how many a woman he has picked up

This is adolescent behavior and the true ladies’ man kisses and never tells. Now, virtual social services are dangerous because it may seem less personal; it may seem more private because you’re sitting alone with nothing but a screen in front of you. But it’s best to picture that screen as thousands of pairs of greedy eyes.

Not everyone gets full access

If you’re familiar with the communication services talked about here, you know you can give people varying degrees of access to your page. If you prefer, you can keep some of the more sensitive material under wraps and only provide full access to those you trust — those who won’t take that information and use it for malicious purposes. People you just met last weekend — especially females — should only get basic access, which merely includes a few photos, the essential information and maybe a simple anecdote or two. All it does is explain more about you; it doesn’t open the vault and let perfect strangers into the furthest recesses of your mind and memories. But you’ll also have safe bets in your little black book, such as a player loving woman

who have proved to be equally discreet and always appreciative of your charms. They deserve to see all of that MySpace page.

No online stalking

There’s something to be said for being able to visit someone’s Facebook page and learning more about them (after all, that’s the purpose of such a service), but this can easily trip over the line into virtual stalking if you’re not careful. Again, because there’s a lack of personality when it comes to a computer screen, it’s easy to assume you aren’t doing anything wrong; when in fact, what you’re doing is downright creepy. It’s not that far removed from watching the woman’s house or rifling through her mail. That may be a bit of an exaggeration, and the “stalking” aspect is more indirect as the stalker is never actually seen (ideally), but that doesn’t make it acceptable. If you’re one of those guys who thinks that all you need is a virtual profile and an e-mail address to get a woman’s attention, you had best reassess and flex some real social muscle at the club. If you’re rejected, it’s over. Don’t keep visiting her MySpace page. Seriously.

Friends aren’t always “friends”

There’s a strange trend floating around in the virtual universe. It seems like every last human a person crosses gets added to his or her “friends” list. In fact, to say you have a bigger friends list than anyone you know is like a badge of honor — except that when you don’t even know the last name of 90% of those “friends,” it’s just an illusion. Be selective. The more selective you are, the less you have to worry about certain information suddenly circulating around the local bars and clubs thereby casting you in an unsavory light. If you’d rather not go to the trouble of limiting access to your profile and you’re a big fan of loading up your favorite virtual spaces, then you absolutely must restrict your friends list to “real” friends. Recent conquests only qualify if they become legitimate bed buddie

Keep your “Tweets” under control

Essentially, Twitter is like a public IM. You have the space for 140 characters to let everyone know what you’ve done, what you’re doing or what you’re going to do. The player

often wonders why this holds such fascination for people, but the bottom line is that “Tweets” are now a part of the communication world. But while you might find it amusing to post something insulting or degrading concerning a certain female who has recently snubbed you, resist the urge. If you really have to divulge sensitive information, Twitter is the last place you should turn to. Keep that information restricted to the appropriate venues (say, personal conversations with friends). In general, it might be a good idea to avoid Tweeting about girls you’re currently dating, because they frown on such public exposure.

the new rules

Social networking online is huge these days, but it’s easy to get in over your head. Keep a careful eye on the virtual proceedings, and also, be sure to pay attention to your onscreen reputation. News carries faster than ever, and if you make a mistake, dozens — even hundreds — could know about it within seconds. So control, maintain, update with caution, and use all that feedback you might find on MySpace and Facebook to your advantage..

in brief …

• Women are attracted to “bad boys.” Adopt a carefree attitude to get her attention.
• Projecting passion for something will give you a leg up on the competition.
• Learn to dance. Women look for men who know how to move their bodies (surprised?).

When looking or a romantic role model, a man could do worse than French film star and iconic player Vincent Cassel. In real life he’s rakish and sophisticated, a good-looking family man, and happily married to Italian model/actress Monica Bellucci. On the screen, he has a whole different kind of sex appeal. Cassel has made a career of playing bad guys in both European and American films. He’s admired the world over for his ability to make villains compelling and even likeable.
Thus, there are two different sides to Vincent Cassel, and both are worth imitating. Those of you looking for help deciphering what women really want can take cues from either Cassel’s real life or his on-screen personas. See, for many women, the perfect man is a mixture of the bad guy and the good guy. So take a look at the following tips to find out what that looks like.

Be The Bad Guy

We all know that women love the bad boy

and iconic Player Cassel has made his mark in the movie industry playing a series of big-screen baddies. He’s perhaps most famous for his award-winning performance as the French gangster Mesrine.

The trick for us regular guys is figuring out how to be a bad guy without being an ass. It’s a fine balance, and maintaining that balance could mean the difference between getting the girl and ending up home alone watching Ocean’s Twelve. A “good” bad guy adopts a devil-may-care attitude. He’s spontaneous, confident and maybe a little sarcastic. He doesn’t take things too seriously, and he has total confidence in his abilities as a man. A “bad” bad guy insults a woman to make her feel insecure, and then sleeps with her roommate. Got it? Good.

Demonstrate Capacity For Commitment

Now, while you might want to imitate Cassel’s on-screen bad-guy persona, you’ll also want to imitate his off-screen good-guy persona. Because, let’s face it, who among us wouldn’t want to be married to Monica Bellucci?

To get a quality woman like that, you need to demonstrate a capacity for commitment

like Vincent Cassel. While women want excitement, and even a little drama, quality women know they don’t have to put up with too much of your crap. They can get just about any guy they want, so they aren’t going to waste their time with a guy they can’t trust. When it comes to demonstrating trustworthiness, it’s the little things that count. Call when you say you’ll call, don’t stand her up and try not to be late. Basically, just be dependable.

Project Passion

If you’ve ever seen Vincent Cassel in an interview, it’s evident that he’s passionate about what he does. Cassel projects the kind of intensity often seen in great actors, and it’s infectious.

Take note: The ability to communicate your passions to others is a huge asset. When you’re out with a woman, you want to talk about the things you really care about, whether it’s coaching a Sunday league team or playing the saxophone. Passion is something women look for in a man, and if you can show her you have it, it will give you a leg up on the competition.

Be Loyal To Who You Are

Cassel has played ballet masters, famous French gangsters and legendary cat burglars, but he hasn’t been in many crap movies. He’s the kind of actor who could easily make a fortune selling out for whatever CGI-enhanced action sludge Hollywood is churning out next. Instead, he sticks to roles that meet his standards.What does this have to do with dating? Well women are attracted to men of integrity, so, like iconic player and legend of the game Vincent Cassel, you want to be loyal to who you are. Don’t fake an interest or an expertise just so you can get a date. You want to date women who are attracted to the real you, so be yourself.

Know How To Dance

Here’s another way you might want to imitate Cassel’s on-screen personas. Cassel’s up as a dictatorial ballet master in Black Swan; he’s also well known for his break-dancing cat burglary in Ocean’s Twelve.The lesson? Learn to dance. We can hear you groaning from here, but face it: Women love a man who can dance. Your willingness and ability to dance communicates a couple of things to women. First, you show them that you know how to move your body an attribute that might be useful in, say, the bedroom. Second, you show them that you’re not afraid of embarrassing yourself. You’re confident and not at all shy.

Limit Your Availability

Cassel is a highly sought-after actor, in France especially. But he doesn’t just take any and every role offered to him. Initially, he even turned down the lead in Mesrine until he thought the right director was attached to the project.

How can the rest of us imitate this aspect of iconic Player Vincent Cassel? Don’t make yourself too available. Don’t come running whenever she calls, and certainly don’t be clingy or needy. Overexposure is never a good thing.

There is something I want to talk about today. It is a pain in the ass of every man at some point in their lives, and actually, when I mention that pain, the face (or faces) of some girl(s) are going to come through your mind. This pain is the kind of girl that you are really not interested in, but just because she shows some special interest in you, you feel kind of attracted to give her your time and attention. Seriously, what are we men thinking about when we waste our time with these kind of women?
I had a long experience in the past with this, and so I want to expose the stone that made me fall again and again along the way: not being brave enough to accept that I had to keep looking around for that special woman I liked, and be lonely in the making, and take advantage of the time that I have for myself. Luckily enough, I met a girl who was the last drop that filled up my glass full of shit. Really, this girl would be an average beautiful girl, and she was boring to death, which took away all the attraction she could ever have. My mind-set on that girl was the same as with other girls like her in the past: I can practice with her to become a better man. Hang around with her, have some kind of fun, and make love.
One day after some weeks after meeting her, I said to myself: hey, what do you want from this girl? The answer was a silence in my mind, followed by a thought. I was simply trying to avoid seeing the truth. I only had one girl that I really liked in my life – because she is so sweet and sexy, and we have crazy times doing all sorts of things together – and as I felt that I needed more great women like her around me, I tried to keep in touch unconditionally with the other women I was kind of flirting with.
Sometimes it is easy to have a daily life full of beautiful acquaintances, but sometimes is simply not that easy, mostly because the places that you frequent do not have the vibe that attract those women you desire. You must use this time in which a woman you could really like is not in your life to do other useful things. Do not get obsessed about women, you must not haunt women. Love is attraction, and attraction is like a magnet, both part of the magnet come together, not one of them chasing the other.
In the event that you give your time to a woman who does not really attract you (and here is the big deal of this essay buddies), you do not let attraction appear, and so forth you are going to suck at doing anything with her. If you are not attracted, you are not going to use your sharpest humor. If you do not really desire that woman, then move on, and keep looking around you. If you look to her eyes and yours stay steady in hers for a considerable amount of time, if you don’t find her cheeks cute when she smiles, if you don’t melt with her laugh and sweet way of being, then simply she is not your kind of woman, and therefore, you must forget flirting with her and losing your time and her time.
It is kind of reciprocal, the fact that you are not really attracted to her and that she is kind of making you waste your time. Buddies its time for you to notice that women see through you (like your moms do, so to speak), think about it: would you be interested to have a romance or even a one-night stand with a really hot and sweet girl who does not really like you? If you have some kind of moral and self-esteem, then the answer is ‘no’.
I only flirt with women that show passion for life and happiness. I only kiss women that I like. I only make love to those that show me that we share something especial. And all of that I do, because it must not be in another way. Attraction is built on honesty about your feelings and wishes. You must start being honest with what you really want right now. Dream big about the kind of women that you want around you. Visualize these harmonious and loving tender feminine figures as you close your eyes, feel them in your head, feel your heart beat rhythm when you approach one of them, breathe deeply, and say the very first thing that comes out of your lips. Let the power of attraction be unleashed.

I want to share the main realisations I’ve had about approaching girls Direct:-

1) Most girls are perfectly fine about you approaching them Direct. See, when I was in the ‘indirect community’, I believed being too forward or upfront would ‘freak girls out’ etc. I can tell you from my experience approaching girls Direct, almost every girl I approached Direct was flattered and overjoyed. Mostly, the girls melted, blushed, giggled and said a sincere ‘thankyou’.

So bah-ha to the indirect guys. Girls DO love to be approached Direct, and they’re not ‘freaked out’. They want a real man and are happy to be approached Direct because it happens so little to them (or never) in this day and age.

2) Not being upfront about your intentions leads to confusion and negativity for both you and the girl. Boy did I learn this the hard way! Lesson learned: always present the real you from the beginning, and tell the girl what type of relationship you’re looking for (casual fling, open relationship, momongamous relationship, etc).

3) Alan Roger Currie is correct when he says ‘do not back down for saying anything bold or sexually provocative to a girl’. I know this to be true because of a girl I met during the summer. I was totally Mode One with her and had an instant date, yet on our day 2 she was harshly critisizing me for only wanting casual sex with her. I didn’t back down, and we ended up parting ways. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I bumped into her again in her town….she was nice as pie to me and apologised for her behaviour on that day 2 and she was like ‘nice to see you’ and acting all star-struck and stuff. I didn’t persue her any further, because my interest in her had waned.

4) Being Direct with women leads to being Direct in all other areas of your life. Well, for me anyway. The whole Direct, no excuses attitude has rubbed off in the rest of my life, so I am more of a man for it.

5) Direct works in the daytime as well as at night in bars and clubs. The best opener I figured out (by trial and error) for bars and clubs is simply ‘Hi, you’re one of the best dressed girls in this whole club, I have to meet you’. (Or similar, and you have to sincerely mean it).

6) It’s almost as if girls are WAITING for a real man to come along and approach them Direct. But it happens so little or never to them. I’m convinced girls are hardwired to respond to a REAL MAN, who approaches her Direct. And when you do, she is so gobsmacked that she just melts and attraction is instant. By approaching Direct and being a real man, you trigger her natural attraction mechanism and she just cannot help but be attracted to you. This is what I believe to be true, and my experiences confirm it.

7) Arguing with indirect guys about why Direct is better is a waste of time. See, when I ‘converted’ to Direct, I got into a lot of arguments with members of this lair about the in effectiveness of indirect . But in the end I decided to stop posting about that and instead just focus on getting good at Direct so I can lead by example.

8 ) Trying to impress girls is futile. I’ve learned that it’s ok to simply be my real self around girls and I no longer feel I need to impress them or be something I’m not. This realisation really healed me and was a big burden off my shoulders.

9) Leading an interesting life makes you attractive and confident as well as gives you interesting things to talk about when you meet girls. You’re not ‘bragging’ to girls when you share your interesting life experiences, you are simply showing them that you are (authentically) an interesting guy who leads an interesting life – unlike the indirect guys who use fake DHVs.

These are the main things I’ve figured out about Direct, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised about how well it’s worked and how well girls have responded. However as I said earlier, I need to work on sealing the deal with the girls who respond well to my Direct approach (which is most of them).

Honestly getting women is extremely easy. Since all they’re dying to have happen is that a nice guy go up to them and not be scared
of them and not try to impress them, then all you have to do is be there and be you.

Simple. The best way to have success is to allow your true self out. Believe me, this is the hardest thing to come to terms with. But once you do then you’ll have to peel girls off you.

What direct, or any other seduction system for that matter, teaches you is to not be an admirer of women but a man that communicates with them without fear or embarrasment.

From what I see written here it seems as if some members are dangling between being genuinely themselves and doing something to get a chick.

Some members question are filled with statements such as; I feel she doesn’t X or I feel she doesn’t Y. If you base your approach, to a
woman, on pure speculation then you’ll never know if what you have is good enough for her. Ever. So stop speculating and
talk to girls from a place where you genuinely feel good and let ‘er rip. Communicate from the position of power, see that little girl
inside of her, and allow her to bring that out see and feel her energy.  make her react towards you, bring her into your frame.

So you Need Advice on how to be a challange?

Being direct is the definition of being a challenge. You may say that you’re familiar with in-direct right? Therefore you will not
know how much of a challenge being direct is because either you haven’t tried it or you’re still excusing yourself. The indirect
guys have the right idea regarding sparking a woman’s attraction and keeping it short term, but what they never tap into is the
repeatable and almost routine way in which women fall in love. I’m not talking about women considering you good enough to sleep with you, I’m talking about women falling head over heels, stupid in love with you. It’s a huge difference. TRUST ME!!!!

Why the hell do you always read about Last Minute Resistance and BS tests when reading about indirect and you don’t see it addressed by guys who are direct?

It’s because when you go indirect they are not sure if you’re the real deal or not. As a matter of fact, most of the top dogs in the indirect world have a hard time keeping a girl. They think that they can overcome a problem like that with more technology. Can’t do it. That’s the grey area where love and emotions rule. They don’t tap into that. We do. Otherwise we’d be spouting routines and stupid gimmicks. But we don’t.

Attraction and Rapport is what it’s all about. Bring her into your world & connect with her.

What can be more challenging to a woman than exposing your true self infront of her 100%? They have stock responses to dorks,
but when you come at them directly they don’t have a response to that. And why, may you ask? It’s because that’s the way that women are programmed to fall in love. They do it repeatedly and routinely.

Look at any chick flick and tell me that the lead actress favors a guy that is slick and playerish over a guy who is genuine. You’ll
go nuts trying to find that flick. So guess what? You have girls watching these movies since childhood and everyrthing else around
her is telling her about romance and love. They Shit test because they want a prince and not a frog. They are trying to keep the frog
out at all costs. Frog behaviors include insecurity, which is something that women don’t particularly hope to find in a mate.

When you’re direct you will get shit tests until you learn to become comfortable doing it. Women’s bull shit detectors are tuned
in to detect Bull Shit people after all, so at the beginning you’ll stumble and fall until you get it. Being open and genuine and being
comfortable doing it is the aim in all this. So there again is an example of what women respond to and are hard wired to respond to.
So if you continue to look at things through an indirect mentality then you’ll overlook the most important thing. Which is to be
genuine above all else.

To be 100% genuine may take you a few years but when you do achieve it, all of the stumbles and falls that you endured to get there
will be worthwhile. This my Dear friends is the destination. Will you go or will you go elsewhere?

Even after overcoming my neediness and valuing natural women instead of socially developed ones, I’d still feel thrown off around beautiful and independent socially distorted women. I had to listen to the way I feel for a long time to figure this one out.

So what is it you are feeling when there’s an independent woman around?

Every one of us has the power to shape our reality by the way we feel. These women throw the vibes of “all these needy guys want me” because that’s the life they’ve been conditioned to live.

When you are around her, you are part of her reality (and vice-versa) so you get affected by her vibes and you resist it, thus you become responsive to it, thus it affects how you feel and you lose your power.

How should you handle it then?

You ARE sharing a reality while being around her so there’s no point to resist it. Resisting it is what gives it power over you and builds up a wall between the two of you.

Accept being part of her reality of “all these needy guys want me” and keep your energies open. The walls between you and her go down and you share reality.

Here’s the cool part. Her energies are tighten up while your energies are relaxed and open. It will interact in some way. Open energies that feel good are MUCH stronger than closed energies, so she will be drawn into your reality.

She will be drawn into your reality and instantly become comfortable around you, without walls. Good vibes are contagious.

Accept her vibes and be vulnerable. The flexible will always dominate the rigid. Water will always shape valleys because it is flexible and unbreakable.

Try it out and let me know what happens!

Hey Rion,

Thanks for the mailings..I must admit I wasn’t sure about you at first, but after reading what you teach, you take this stuff seriously! In your last newsletter the following really stood out:

If you want women attracted to you, you have to have a natural relationship instead of a social one (unless you are higher in value than her socially AND have natural value).

Are you saying that a higher ranked man in terms of social value should have a social relationhip? What exactly is a ‘social’ relationship?

The reason I ask women give off Indications of interest right away when around me, even what some in the industry call ’10′s’. I’ve always been told girls are very attracted to me, but I’m never sure how to handle it.

I’d be interested to get a perspective from some- one I actually rate in this industry..

Regards, Colin UK

MY REPLY **************

Well, you brought up a couple of points there..About the biggest point that I’m trying to teach and get
across now to guys is to develop relationships with alpha nature.

It is your practical fast track to power, peace and attraction.That’s how you’re able to reach through towomen on the nonverbal levels and trigger a response within her, get interest and to take things from there – having alpha nature/energy yourself that is equal to her in a polar balance.

-Otherwise you’ll continually approach or date and not be able to figure out why you can’t get attraction, interest or results. It comes down to natural value that you offer and the natural response she is going through in relation to you.If you have social relationships and you’re playing the game thinking you have to have an even SHINIER car and a bigger pad in order to get women, that’s not it.S.e.x. sells and advertisers are exploiting it; it works because they’ve built up this ‘forced reality’ where
people can be like the top models for a price.It’s really getting out of hand now.

You’re going to ‘attract’ more of the game and be spending even more. Women are spending all kinds of money to look like social alpha models on fashion, makeup, ‘beauty’, etc. because it’s what was made popular and acceptable in their unique social culture.It gives them power (the wrong kind) and status..they’re
leveraging or ‘borrowing’ character that says nothing about who they really are in terms of personality; you’re
objectifying them instead of seeing the real her.

If your model of sexuality is a social alpha with the pussy on the pedestal and you’re chasing after all these
bunny clones you’re likely playing ‘the game’.{You want the steak more when it’s sizzling in front of
you. You’d consider buying the ginsu knives when you see the demonstration because of relational influence
whereas you wouldn’t likely think of it otherwise.}

You would have behavioral relationships with social alpha desire and attainment. ‘Social’ means economic relation-ships that are rooted in fantasy, not reality and that’s why it’s so inconsistent with women – they too are behaving unnaturally because it’s all a fantasy/game with any success on men’s part with ‘some’ crossover to nature and flirting.

That’s why PUA’s will talk about social value and displaying value to ‘equalize’ their power to her behavioral reality of social alpha ‘prize’ status.

I’ve said before, just ‘be’ the social alpha if you can.It will make things a whole lot easier.

‘Be’ the d.j., bouncer, owner, promoter or know people who are. It makes a difference in those fake and contrived environments because unfortunately those corrupted dynamics DO have an influence on female behavior and they’re judging what they see right in front of them.

If you’re at the top of the game you know how the environment is created and controlled. Bring in the unattainable dancers on the actual ‘pedestal’ and focus the attention
on the loud dance floor, blah blah..

Believing it’s reality itself is dangerous and will keep you distant from real world connections.

I value interdependence and connection.

Of course in any case you still have to have the natural value or a seduction likely isn’t ever going to happen.

The stronger your natural character, the easier everything will become. If you’re focusing on social tactics and still don’t have natural game, you’re wasting a LOT of time to see little payoff. I went through that cycle for several years.

You’re taught to believe it’s real and it looks real thus the cycle continues. It’s time to have a different
understanding of reality and alpha nature which cuts through all of a woman’s social conditioning and personal
development that reaches her on that physiological level within a few seconds of approaching her.

On your other point;

Over a decade ago, I also used to be told that women were attracted to me and yet I never believed it..you know why?

Because those American women rarely ever showed their interest or signs. Part of it was a character/confidence issue but it actually had more to do with the women than
me.

In college even when some women it looked like were ‘maybe’ giving signs (was she? wasn’t she?) at that
point I didn’t know WHAT to do in most cases so I often just didn’t approach.

Their signs were never clear or strong enough. Fortunately those years of questioning and ineffectiveness have been over but even now with many women at any level of character or status, they just WON’T give you ANY sign even when they ARE interested.

It would literally take a Brad Pitt to light up some of our women today. Go to any Starbucks and see Prada’s (Pd un prada en un tia super buena) unable to show interest in the ‘cute guy’ (or any of them) next to them yet they wonder why they can’t meet (good/any) men.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Don’t take the blame on yourself if you really ARE the proven high quality/value guy.

I know it can be frustrating. Society and relational influences in their environment
have conditioned them to have social value away from the power of nature.

Even if they’re closed off and generally unapproachable, I’ve found that in many cases I will just approach ANYWAYS and do my usual indifferently interested casual connection.

Now I get IOI’s about everywhere I go. It helps to see different environmental dynamics to get a clearer picture of reality itself as closer to nature because the behavior of women is the greatest wildcard and that’s why everything is so confusing for men.

Now..when they ARE showing IOI’s (sonarr) that is her sign that it’s YOUR turn to make a move. That choice is up to you but she’s already given the go ahead. Often it is subtle but with more experience you’ll know it clear as day, the closer you get to nature and the natural dynamic in it’s purest form.

The reality of living the lifestyle of attracting women and getting their interest when you approach (and all of
the other benefits) are worth it all.Isn’t time to have everything you should be getting instead
of suffering through less than you deserve?

Example: Remeber when you focused too much upon opening when you were a newbie? or even before you found the seduccion community? what happened? you focused too much upon opening and in fact you could nt open..self destruction by the sub-conciouse mind, and dont doubt for one minute that your subconciouse mind wont sabotage your desires for success, as your desires (to change to move from the confort zone) really come from the conciouse mind, the subconcoiuse mind is and tends to be happier with the “status quo”  so forcing something really doesnt get results..now what happened when you focused or even worried too much about the attraction phase of the process? did you get attraction? probably not and probably because you focused too much upon that even tryed too hard to get her to even just like you, trying to get her attracted and she sensed that you were having to put in such an effort and probably (in my opinion) sensed some kind of inner weakness, a lack of self confidence or esteeme after all just trying or even being focused on making or getting someone to like you is comming from a position of weakness..

So the big question arises is effort related to success? If so how much?

Ok, I will answer this question..yes effort is related to success, directly so! but wait a minute Mr Donatello you just said that putting in effort gets little or no results when comming to attraction-rapport-opening-closing. So let me put it this way, the LESS you try the more you get, its directly IMPROPORTIONAL, the more you try the less results you get, so the less you try the more you will get.

its really that easy….pure and simple!

having Posted that old Bending post realting to attraction…I found that still most did not fully understand what I was trying to communicate, what I mean really was in quite simple and real terms do very little, in fact dont even try to do something
just quite simply project caracteristics that women find very attractive in men, caracteristics that you have in built within you and then just quite simply focus on the interaction with the girls in question, and not get too tecnical or worry about such things as Kino or even bodylanguage, as naturally with clearness of mind and confidence that will naturally come as the subconciouse mind will know what to do. Having had the discusson with Ranko (Attractanddate.com) about does the subconciouse mind know everything..I say so, He however disagreed, what we both agreed upon was that the sunconciouse mind does know enough to get laid! so go Take advantage of that fact!..

If anyone is still in doubt about putting less effort into the attraction fase, focus on the Mystery method, or styles anihilation method, both of which spend very little time in the attraction phase, Badboy..is nt he the one that says its Rapport that gets girls and not the attraction. The method of dating confidence by Attract&Date is that you communicate and sub-communicate caracteristics that women are pre programmed to find attractive, in short if you dont get the girl, its NOT because of XYZ reason or there is something wrong with her, (that in short is an excuse) its because there is something wrong with you, maybe your charm simply was not strong enough.

Putting it easily open strongly, (comming from the position of power) with a compliment, transition to getting her to talk about herself..in short tell her what she wants to hear! and after that just focus upon the interaction, no rutines, no methods no nothing! just make her feel good about herself, simply just being herself, be ballsy tell her why you like her, what you find attractive about her..cos I´ll bet no one has ever opened or approached her like that ever! It will boost her self esteem and perhaps she will feel a sigh of relief “finally a real man!” ; of these feeling she will be anchoring them (associating) to you.

as for rapport…well guess what..your natural at that also..is nt that how you got or made friends in the first place, Im pretty sure you did not use methods or rutines to get friends…every single friend that you have had or ever had, was down to rapport and your rapport skills, which is natural as we human beings are social animals..

Before I say too much I want to once again acknowledge that strong independent women have added a lot of value and have indeed become a strong fiber of our nation and who we are as a people.

This empowerment however truly is a double-edged sword. When it comes down to a long-term relationship or marriage, a woman who has her own independence essentially becomes a dueling force with her husband.

All of a sudden it is the man who is supposed to be in line with his wife and often just has to cater to all of her demands and needs. It is not really a woman’s fault necessarily for how she became who she is, it is just the reality that we have to deal with.

It is the natural and biological role for the man to be the head of the house, however some interesting things have happened in the past three decades. Women today have more freedom and opportunity than ever before in history of modern society here and now.

Because of a woman’s now inherent character and behavior, any man who chooses to be any relationship with her for a longer-term, is going to have to put up with a lot more drama than really is natural. This is the dilemma of millions of men today.

A woman is sometimes so strong in her own character and independence, that she will easily lead the family instead of the man. I know of several families specifically that are like this personally. They really is a role reversal and is not natural; but as long as one person really is the head of the house then at least there is some semblance of balance.

This is not just a hard-core traditionalist approach, rather I want to tell you from the universal perspective of objectiveness. I’m not saying definitely whether it is right or wrong that a woman can wear the pants in the family, but I want you to the side for yourself what kind of man you are and what you want to put up with in the future.

If you end up or choose to be with one of these strong independent women, you are going to have a lot more oppression in your life than you realize, I can guarantee it. It is not in a man’s inherent nature and been to be held back and repressed from his role as head of the household and provider.

So many families today, the woman is the one in control and the man is just feeling more and more like the screen door hit him on the way out. The fact that our media portrays this, as men being incompetent buffoons, truly cements this role reversal. And it is quite pathetic I think.

If you are married, I do not want to give you advice but you are responsible for the decisions you make and hopefully you can still communicate a lot and make things work. However many married men are finding they are in way too deep into a situation that really does not feel natural to them.

My words of advice if you will are that, it is NOT natural. However we still have to live with these women, if we have already chosen that.

You could say that this is a pessimistic view, but someone needs to bring it up because there is a reason we have a 50% divorce rate and no one is talking about the real reason why.

Entire lives and families are destroyed founded upon a woman’s empowerment and independence, let me repeat again that independent women, although they have a lot of drama have added a lot of value (unparalleled value) to our society and the world.

Relationships today have become part of this 50-50 relationship dynamic in which both the man and woman tried to balance things out. Now a woman has more demands and expectations than ever before in history, this makes it harder for them and to just do his part of being head of the household when she is always nagging on about something.

So if you are still a single man, I strongly encourage you to think about the consequences of being with one of these women and a long-term relationship. Though I bet this is going to piss a lot of women off but you know what? For your sake and the sake of All men it needs to be said.

You should have the full right to determine and choose your life path without having to give in to a woman’s demands which are based on unnatural foundations.

I think all men have the right to come home and not hear about not stop nagging about small little details of inconsequential things. No matter what these women will say to counteract what I am sane, that just proves that they really are coming from their own independence and perception of the world as they know it.

Little do they realize or even respect the fact that most of the women in the world, (although not as developed psychologically or motivationally), would be happy just to be their natural role of a mother while the man takes care of providing for the family.

They cannot imagine that these traditional women would let men get away with some of the things they do; the sad reality is that men are letting women get away with some of the things they do (which is unnaturally founded).

It is not the natural role for a woman to wear the pants in the family. So decide for yourself where you stand on this issue, and think about the consequences of being in a long-term relationship with a very independent woman.

It is about time that men understand what is going on, and take back their power. Maybe at this point women will really respect men for finally standing up.

“Maybe I will be that caveman style man and just dominate a girl and have a one night stand with her but, in the long run, I don’t want to have a girlfriend who is totally dominated by me.”

there is nothing caveman about a man fullfilling his biological nature of being the leader of the realtionship, head of the family or the decition maker, niether was anything mentioned about totally dominating women, mearly that 50-50 (% wise) realtions dont work.

“I prefer to date a girl who has independent characteristics ”

you better be prepared for a lot of unneccesary drama my friend!….¿ever wondered why women throw childish tantrums just to get the (or your) attention, like a small child throwing its toys out of the pram?
besides a natural “alpha female” is submissive due to bilogical and physiclogical nature (can you be the leader of a realtionship (i.e. more that 50% control) while having to allow something to enter your body?.
a womans natural role is that of submission to the dominante male and of nuturing and caring for the home and family. the natural biological role of a man is that of the provider, how often do you see in nature (100%) where the female is in the den looking after the den (home) and caring for the offspring and the male is the one that brings the food (i.e. goes hunting, brings the kill home) for the whole family to enjoy?

over the years as we gave more and more equall rights to women (and correctly so, (just not in relationships!)) to women more and more modern relationships went down the plughole..divorce rate rose, (i say 50-50 relationship = 50% divorce rate!). During our grandparents generation divorse was almost unheard of! my grandmother still talks to my grandfather today, 2 years after he passed away.. now a days we have realtionships where it is not unheard of the throwing of electro-domestics from one to the other?.

On the topic of the despical crime of domestic violence, that is also upon the increase and juvinile crime, bothe of which were almost non-existent only a century ago, when both women and men knew their natural biological roles. In my opinion domestic violence occurs when the man is being his natural self, the head of the house hold, and the women also the head (due to her modern day social programming) what occurs is a clasic power struggle the woman tries to be the one “que manda” (un natural) due to her reading in the cosmopolitian magazine and diario de patricia, her friends (social programming) that its the woman that leads the realtionship, when that happens we can have a bitter power struggle when neither side conceeds, the breakdown of a relationship (LTR, Marriage) and potentially domestic violence. All because neither the male nor the female knew their natural roles.

Raising juvinile crime?? ok we have had women in the work place for some 70 years or so, that is ok by me, how ever did the latch key generation begin?  who is at home to look after the children and educate them of the wrongs and rights of life, what is acceptable behaviour or not? yep you guessed it mama was out at work being her husbands social equall to confirm to what is considered to be social normal. juvinle crime was extreemly rare 100 years ago when both man women knew their natural and biological roles in life.

Personally I don´t understand all this stuff in the community about becoming the alpha male or being the alpha male. You do not have to be alpha in order to get girls. Some guys I know are most definitely not alpha but get girls like crazy. Of the guys that have talked with the local lair only one struck me as being alpha.  Beside who are the ones in the community that are telling you have to be Alpha in order to get girls or talk a lot about the alpha male? Mystery? Style? Mario Luna? Etc Etc..note that these guys were pretty poor with girls to begin with (by their own admittion).

Besides an alpha is leader not a follower, which begs the question why follow their methods?

Rather than idolising the phenomena of the alpha male why not just be yourself and while you are there being yourself  be the best that you can be at the same time. Being a clone will not bring you success, however being yourself will.

You might do well if you ask yourself empowering questions  day and night like “How would I walk If I believed I could make a woman feel great on the inside?”; “How would I talk If I believed I could make a woman feel great on the inside?”; “How would I act if I was the type of guy that women dreamed about?” note the wording is positive & inspires positive thoughts & responses to the questions and does not at all leave you dwindling on the negative. Like I said the difference is in the energy (& the focus). I´m sure you can make your own empowering questions.

Besides if you are trying to become something you are living in the future. If you are comparing yourself to the past of how you were then you are living in the past. Nothing ever happened in the future or in the past (hows that for a paradox) it happened in the now. So let go of the past, don´t worry about the future. Let the future take care of itself. Be carefree and live in the now, this very moment. Just make occasional visits to the past and future when necessary. Just live in this very moment and just “be”. We are not humans doing or humans becoming, we are human beings.

Wayne “Juggler” Elise ”I am not the alpha male & I don´t want to be one. It is not who I am – so why try and force a false persona onto some girl” 11th March 2009 at the Barcelona Lair.

Both are irrelevant to sexual chemistry yet it’s the incessant focus on ‘personality’ and fault that leaves men thinking their sex life is based on their ego.

Typical mindset: “It’s me it’s my personality, my ego is responsible for succeeding with women, sex and attraction. try try again if it doesn’t work. If women reject me it’s my fault.
I have to convey my personality and be interesting or intriguing. I have to know the right things to say to captivate women fast. Inner game is everything. There is only inner and outer game If women reject me, I must suck If I don’t succeed with women, there’s something wrong with me so I have to fix my thoughts and beliefs (personally) to be confident”.

** Direct, indirect & NLP based seduction base themselves on a woman social status, to say on her social character and not her natural character. Natural grounding assists you to be come aligned, (& polarised) to what that natural character of a woman is, it is natural and there in all women, society and our up bringing can effect & influence the way we think but it cannot change our nature. There is no “egoic” or ego involved with natural grounding. It´s not an inner game technique because a womans natural character is there whether you like it or not, it is not dealing with your “ego” as described above.

Direct & Indirect teach you to be fearful of women “approach anxiety” by just using that term it is just attracting more of the same. Similar thoughts create similar actions thus similar results. Just mentioning or thinking about your approach anxiety (or inner game (lack of)) just reinforces that belief giving more strength to it, thus focusing on inner game (the need for better) creates a need for it.

True rock solid inner game is self acceptance, accepting who you are as a person, including all your faults and being comfortable in your own skin.

Ever noticed that the happier you are the less you need? Go for happy.

Neither (Direct, indirect or NLP)  teach you anything more than just to fear woman,(is nt that the reason for A.A in the first place?)  to just keep on approaching, & keep on working on your inner game (fix my problems, it´s me that’s at fault, self “ego”). When you know what a womans natural character is you have nothing to fear and just approach any ways.

Method based seduction really just teach you that it is the method that is getting you the girl and not you. In reality YOU are good enough to get any girl.
Method based seduction be it Direct,Indirect Mystery method or sex code are good because they assist you in getting one of the 3 key elements that are important to success – Experience with women. Natural grounding assists in getting intune to and understanding what the natural sexuality & character of women is.

Uff!!! The Greeks were correct Aphrodite is amongst us!

Watch that video…come on be honest.. would you fear approaching her or a woman like that? guess what, that is the natural character in all women.

There is nothing to fear with the natural character of women.
Indirect / sex code / mystery Method just teaches you to be fearful of women that they are “so high above you” is nt that why you have to..maximise your value? (because she has more value than you) or neg her (lower her value) why would you do that other than because she is above you. Its just communicating with her Social character with your social character in short social game.Direct is not so different.

Natural game is simply communicating with a womans natural character with your natural character. Taking away social or society created values & or belief systems. It really is that simple. The best & possibly quickest way to natural game is to make the shortest & most difficult journey; to move from your head to your heart – dont think about the seduction, feel it.
The easiest way to natural game is to first discover what the natural character of women is and get into (a polar) relationship with that. This is where Natural grounding come in to effect. It is beyond my scope to write yet another post on natural grounding.
An example of polar relationship between masculine & feminine energies.

Once you are grounded in the natural energies and femininity of women, remember the natural character is there biologically in all women, you will be ready to communicate with a the womans natural character, stripping away all her ego centric “egoic” “inner game”  – the aloofness of “I´m above it all” bitchiness of cold hearted prima dona “you will be lucky to be with me” just because she is beautiful. All women know that this is not her natural sexuality.
This if you have not guessed by now is her social character. This is where Indirect / Sex code, NLP & Direct method place their communication, with her social character either lowering her aloofness or breaking her frame (negging / Indirect ,Frame breaking NLP) maximizing your own value (in relation to hers) (Indirect/Sex code). Follow that up by trying to win the power battle by getting her to qualify herself to him (Indirect / NLP / Sex code) or straight up telling her she is beautiful (direct). Note that in the aforementioned techniques the seducer is still communicating with a womans falsely created social character & value (she is so high above me because she is so beautiful…come on guys!!!!). It can end with a troubled relationship especially if she is the one that wears the pants in the relationship.
In the end the player just ends up trying to prove his social value to women. (Not his natural value or character)
Social character & social value (male or female) are not based on solid foundations or natural laws. Think about it, they are not created by nature but by society. Perhaps this is why in the west we currently have a growing problem in the relationships between men & women, broken relationship, increasing divorce rate, seduction community….
Im not critising Social game be it Direct, Indirect / Sex code or NLP as it works & has its obvious success but in the end it is still just hit & miss success which is why you see many PUA / AVENS opening 20 sets easily in just one night and becoming stressed when they have an apparent lack of success,  A numbers game. They are dependent upon results.
Natural game is to just open up a woman energy and communicate with her natural character. Instead of focusing on some pre-prepared opener or “opening set” to coin a phrase just focus on talking to the girl & getting her to open up her energies to you. Be in harmony and synergy with her at all times. This involves moving away from and removing the egoic self from the equation that the seduction community teaches you, regardless of method.
Seduction is about the woman and to paraphrase Rion Williams “Seduction is bringing out the natural character in women”.
So focus on the woman, get into harmony with he energies

To paraphrase one of the best naturals that I have the pleasure of knowing (Simon AKA Don)“I am successful with girls because I know how they think”
Listen to the words in this song.

Just ‘chill out’ and really be yourself when you´re with girls without letting their drama and their beauty get in your way, they will respect you, be relaxed around you as well and be charmed by your ‘charisma’ and sexual gravity. There are too many expectations with the traditional ‘dating’ frame of ‘courting’ or ‘wooing her’ and it’s not what she’s looking for anyways. Once you are comfortable and not nervous around her and this includes not grinning and smiling as much as you used to, or hanging on her every word, she will be a lot more comfortable to you & around you, will let her defenses down and start to open up because she feels she can trust you. Above all you will not be thinking of what to do or say next or thinking of pre-prepared routines or “contra-cortes” things will just flow naturally.
This is part of being a ‘natural’. You will find that if you can be a real natural with women, they will know how to instinctively respond to your unadulterated, uncompromised natural behavior. And when framed correctly, can easily lead to a physical relationship that is mutually beneficial for the both of you. And it will be one that she will not resent because it ‘just happened’. kept you have to get rid of the idea of trying to be really aggressive and ‘getting some’, and really just lay back and chill out and be natural when relating to women.
When you are not concerned about her beauty and none of that drama is allowed in to your paradigm of reality, she will often change your attitude in order to match up with yours and she will pace your lead.
Of course she brings additional issues to the table if you are going to have a real relationship with her, but for the short-term free and fun experience, it can be very satisfactory for the both of you because there are not many high expectations or demands on either part. This is pure and natural interdependence in a win-win situation between the both of you.
You can let her know that you will not accept her drama or tolerate it, or her bitchiness or whatever behavior you don´t like and she can take it or leave it; and when you know that you can drop her at any moment, she will be aware that you are a man who is serious and she will want to be around you because you are a man who finally stands up and sticks to his guns, a man of his word. Women really respect this and are not attracted to the ‘mummy boys’ though they will easily ‘chat’ with them. A mummy’s boy is not going to be her passionate ‘lover’.
It  doesn’t even matter what you say because you’re not trying to impress her or win her approval, so you can just have a natural good time with her by just being 100% yourself.  There is so much more to sexual attraction that is unspoken (non verbal) and that she is more perceptive of. Yes it is very easy for a man to get turned on, like a light switch. Or as a woman is more like a volume control. This is why you have to be a natural and not overwhelm her in the first place.

In fact you will experience the most success when you really do not care what the outcome is, because then if she is lucky enough she will be able to experience a natural process of attraction that fulfills her biological and sexual desires.
This is the real modern mating dance and ritual. It is ultimately very natural and this is the part which connects universally within her that she cannot explain or put into words. You can give her this powerful and natural experience that is very emotional and liberating for her.
To have this natural attraction and accelerated relationship with her, you cannot play by the normal rules of what society calls the game or dating. You must align yourself closer to our biological realities where the man has the power in the relationship and a woman will follow your lead.
It is the unspoken pure power of you being able to be a man in your reality who naturally knows how to build sexual attraction and tension in a woman, which all men have whether they are aware of it or not, that will lead to many great adventures and unforgettable memories in your life.
Also, make sure that you are the first one to end things such as communication opportunities, this keeps the power in your favor as well.
That is the natural experience.
Most of our women can’t help Being bitchy or aloof it is because men give in to their demands, society has placed so much pressure on them to be ‘beautiful’ and maintain the standard (and compete with one another) that a whole invisible shroud has been made that is covering the underlying biological reality of the mating process.

The best thing is just to change your entire state of mind of where you’re coming from. You really have to see the underlying paradigm and essentially ‘deny’ her (d)illusional front or ‘forced reality’ or ‘shroud’ when it comes to the mating game.
Because she still is a woman, and remember that the paradox & irony is; she is wondering where the real men are. When you are playing natural game you are aware through knowledge and continuing experience that the sexual attraction and communication process is basically the same with all of the women you encounter.
They get turned on in similar ways, and actually you can get them to a point where they literally become paralysed and say ‘take me now’. Actually happens often with me even with the “prima dona” high social value girls simply because I am happy to let them play their social game while I just communicate with her natural (biological) character.
Your knowledge of everything that is going on here and knowing they all women have these biological sensibilities and desires will allow you to full fill their desires when you can systematically lead them (as a natural man) through the process.
She may think it is coincidence, but it didn’t matter because you are being natural and you are a man. You can sweep her off of her feet and give her what she biologically and sexually desires. And you can do this over and over again.If you ever forget, just remember to go back to nature; where you have the birthright and so does she to know how to naturally go through the mating process.

Ok, let’s talk a bit about rapport. To me, rapport is when your target feels comfortable around you, trusts you and feels a connection with you.

It’s vital for rapport to be created in order to be consistently successful in PU.

However just like attraction, you cannot MAKE anyone feel rapport. You cannot MAKE anyone feel comfortable around you nor can you MAKE anyone trust you. And you definitely cannot MAKE anyone feel a connection with you.

As soon as you try to make someone trust you, you behave like someone who cannot be trusted. Imagine a used car salesman you just met telling you:

“There’s nothing wrong with this car. Absolutely nothing at all! Trust me!”

The first thing you’ll think is “OK, what’s wrong with this car?”

The same if you try to make some one feel comfortable around you. Think back to when you were alone with a girl and she was nervous. You try to calm her down by saying “It’s OK, just relax, it’ll be all right.”

Then the chick immediately starts thinking “Why? What’s he going to do to me?”

As soon as you try to make someone feel comfortable around you is when you start to make people nervous.

You’ll get pretty much the same way results if you try to make someone feel a connection with you.

Again just as with attraction, it’s confusing and counter-intuitive, isn’t it?

So now the million-dollar question:

How do we create the trust, comfort and connection with our targets?

Just as emulating the qualities of attractive people generates attraction, rapport is generated by emulating the qualities of people we trust, feel comfortable around and have a connection with.

So let’s take a look at how we behave around our family, good friends and lovers. These are people we have rapport with. Then we’ll compare that with people we don’t have rapport with, namely strangers.

Let’s start with trust and comfort.

Have you ever observed how 2 strangers talk to each other?

They stand face to face with some distance in between them. That distance is what society refers to as “personal space.” We are taught from early childhood to respect the personal space of others. Strangers make sure they don’t get into the other’s personal space. The topic of discussion is usually something neutral and serious. You also noticed that they are tense around each other and not completely relaxed. They are usually concerned about saying the right thing and not offending the other or doing something that will leave a bad impression on the other. And they definitely aren’t touching each other.

Now compare this with how 2 best friends or lovers interact with each other. They stand or sit next to each other. They’re in each other’s personal spaces. They’re completely relaxed and comfortable around each other. The topic of discussion is usually personal, it could be very serious or humorous. They might be cracking jokes and having fun together. These 2 aren’t worried about saying the right thing or doing something that will leave a bad impression, because they already know each other. And if they’re lovers then they certainly aren’t afraid of touching or getting sensual with each other.

If you want your target to feel trust and comfort around you then you have to behave like someone she could trust and feel comfortable around. That means you have to get in her personal space. You can’t be worried about saying the wrong thing or leaving a bad impression. You have to touch her, talk about personal things with her, laugh and have fun with her and most importantly, you have to relax and be comfortable yourself around her.

You have to behave exactly as her lover would behave around her.

Now let’s discuss this thing called connection. A connection is something you feel towards someone that you believe knows and understands you and you know and understand that person.

So in order to have a connection with your target, you have to get to know and understand her and she has to get to know and understand you.

How do we do this?

I call it qualifying. Qualifying is finding out if your target has the qualities you are looking for. In order to do this you have to first know what qualities you are looking for in a woman. This is one of the questions from the Natural Game –Basics section.

So how do we go about qualifying? How do you find out if women have the qualities you are looking for?

The biggest mistake I see most guys do is asking women straight out without getting specific. For instance, I read about a lot of guys who go around asking women if they are adventurous. So what is adventurous?

Suppose you are buying a used car. Not that I’m comparing picking up women to buying a used car!

But this is just to show demonstrate where guys go wrong when trying to get to know a woman.

OK so you see a car that you like and you talk to the salesman. Now do you just ask him straight out if everything is OK with the car?

No of course not! Because if you do, he will just say “Yes” and you will learn nothing about the car. Following the same line of thinking, it’s like asking the salesman if he’s trustworthy. Ridiculous.

Instead you want to find out everything about the car that you can so there are no hidden surprises after you already paid for it. You want a clear demonstration that the car is fully functional.

Getting back to PU, you need to know what specific qualities you are looking for, then you give her a chance to demonstrate those qualities.

So if you, like me, enjoy traveling and want to know if she likes doing the same then talk about traveling and let her do the same. For example, talk about some of your most memorable trips and let her talk about hers.

Tell stories in VIVID details, paint up scenarios and pictures for her to imagine herself in. The more details that you can put up, the better she’ll be able to understand what you’re talking about, the better she’ll be able to understand you and the easier she’ll be able to connect with you. Which is exactly what you want.

When you qualify like this and get down to specific details, you will start to see her for the unique creature she is. The best part is she will want to do the same with you, when she sees that you are not asking the same old boring crap that most guys talk about, “Where you from?”, “What do you do? “, etc.

Now when she understands that you are getting to know her for who she is, that you are trying to connect with her, she is able to trust you and feels comfortable around you, then she will feel a connection with you. And if you add her feeling attraction for you into the equation, then she will feel a sexual connection with you.

This is essentially the same thing I have been talking about here forever, focus, what have you. I post when I learn a little bit more about how to explain that special thing that lets me live my life. The nature of this special thing is really beyond the reach of our language and ingrained system of beliefs, so I take little opportunities like the inspiration I just had to try again to explain it.

Every person you communicate with regularily you have a ‘voice’ for. Check yourself, see if you can understand what I mean by that. It’s like a personality mode, set to the person you are talking to, tuned to past good topics and senses of humor, tuned away from bad ones. You also have a voice for strangers – a certain personality mode you snap into when talking to them, again tuned to past good topics with other strangers.

Some examples of this in real life: the person that you only find out is actually really funny once you’ve known them for a few weeks, every time you’ve ever had two separate groups of friends of yours meet and you get that awkward feeling, etc.

The voice is a creation of yours, and people like us suffer(ed) because no one taught us how to create a “talking to ladies” one. We come here and we study how to make one, how to make a good one, how to improve them, etc.

Anyway, this special “thing” I always talk about, is just – NOT using any of those voices. Not using any ‘personality mode’. Now, to relate this with what I have previously talked about – an example of a situation where you naturally don’t use a voice is when you are truly focused, using a voice is a REACTIVE thing (reactive to the presence of someone in your presence), being socially lazy is an example of blatantly not using a voice, etc.

Basically, what I want you to do is take a snapshot of yourself right now. Alone, probably pretty confident that no one is going to pop in and look at your computer screen, you have possibly masturbated in the last few hours or are planning to soon (I am), etc. Now think about what would happen if someone walked in.. (and, now, this is deep shit I am getting into, don’t delve into this unless you feel you are mentally stable), you would snap into a voice, and it would probably be a ‘hey buddy, Im kind of doing my own thing here’ voice. And you would have no idea that you were even doing it – but every response, every bodily shift would be tuned to all the times in the past that conversations have started and ended quickly. You would probably yawn, lean against the wall, be very quick to respond in laughter or validation and very unlikely to start any new topics of conversation. And conciously you have NO idea that you are doing any of these things – all you are CONCIOUSLY doing is talking to your buddy and wanting him to leave. THATS the voice.

Now, the thing about the voice is that it does not use your whole brain.. this is the reason for every stupid thing you’ve ever said in conversation that you’ve wondered later “why did I think it was a good idea to say that?” – well, you didnt THINK. You just used the voice. Why is it we tend to say more stupid things when trying to impress women? Well, not a very well developed voice.. lots of holes in it.

And if you have gotten what I meant by “the voice”, or the personality mode, you will also see that you have one for literally every aspect of your social life. Your clothes, your style, your hair included. This is why your parents think it is so funny to hear you when you are talking on the phone to one of your buddies and why they made fun of your metal t-shirts in high school. This is why you’ve been an asshole to your best friends while in the presence of cooler people.

Picture this – you are in a given place, anywhere, X, let’s just say it is talking to a girl. Now imagine that, inside your head, you are in the EXACT same mental state as YOU ARE, RIGHT NOW. You, sitting on your computer. I mean, it’s almost incomprehensible, I know. But, there it is – that is why you are still failing, still reading advice on the internet – because if you were successful enough in life so far that you felt comfortable enough naturally to not have to only use half your brain, not have to use a tuned conversation machine while talking to someone, you would BE alpha. You would actually BE an alpha male.. thats what alpha males ARE.

When the way you act correlates 100% to what YOU, RIGHT NOW, actually think, well, that’s alpha. Congrats, buddy, no more faking it, you ARE alpha. And, all that goes with that. Including women, and any social group, etc. And being a leader.

And well, basically, everything I have ever talked about.

“Do you have any pointers on HOW to speak with only one voice? Or to get closer to doing so?”

Let me first say it is Hard, there will Always be moments of weakness, too.

The first thing I did, and this made such a difference in my life that I have spent the last year posting about what I have learned from doing this, is really SLOWED DOWN my thought process while in conversation. I briefly imposed a rule on myself, and I still use this rule when I am feeling weak, to always wait 2 seconds before responding in any way in a conversation. I just count “1,2″ in my head and then respond.

This allowed me the time to check all the auto-responses such as instantaneous laughter or other forms of validation, and it also let the things I say be more related to what I was thinking than what was just popping out of my head.

The result is, I only laugh at jokes that are funny, I don’t laugh nervously, and everything I say is well thought out. It also helped me slow down my rate of speech, and consequently my mumbling problem. And these things started a chain reaction of confidence-competence-confidence-competence, until I got to the point where I was fairly happy with myself and could really just stop putting effort into really any socialities. Which means I am happier, lazier, and also means I tend to become the leader of groups and women tend to fall in love with me.

It’s all about the inner-game. I think some of the “veterans” of seduction have come to realize that it’s a lot more important to understand the roots of successful communication rather than the appearances of it.
Sure, we all see what’s going on on the outside of a successful seducer, but for the untrained eye, it’s hard to see what’s happening at a deeper level.

Don is one of the most magnificent seducers that I have ever seen or likely to see. A real raw natural that lives a lifestyle with girls that is quite frankly like Hollywood.

The original article appeared in the Barcelona Lair (WWW.BCNLAIR.COM).

Don´t force never a woman to do anything ( only communicate her where you wanna go). Don´t put her in a situation of unconfortableness, she needs to have a good memory, that she had a good time when she is not with you. She needs to be free and the conversations has to be natural, she needs to talk to you because she wants to, not because the situation requires it. She won´t be natural when she is under pressure, avoid this.

Talk to her, let her know that you are interested, but more important is that you get known yourself, that she gets to know you, she knows the way you think, your gestures, your smiles your thoughts, she knows just yourself and that is what you want. You can do that , don´t show interest after she knows you, because then you give her the opportunity to ask you if you feel ok, or if something happens and that creates emotions for you  it doesn´t matter what emotions, the important thing is that she has them, because then you have emotional connection, But it depends of the situation it is, not every woman has the same character, they can react differently.

You cannot programm their emotions. Its like cooking you put the same ingredients, and always it tastes a little different. You cant control their emotions, you can only communicate with their emotions, and then you can guide her to what you desire from her. When you go to a date, both know that its not only for going for a beer, so you can feel free on showing her what you want. And then it depends on you, fuckbuddie, long term short term , whatever. You need to know that from the first time you look into her eyes, because from that moment you act based on what you want from her.

I dont talk about routines, I talk about your being, you know you want her only for fuckbuddie, instinctively you won´t be the nicest guy of the world, you don´t feel like that, you want to have her in your bed and nothing more, so you have that behavior automatically, everything you do.

If you feel relaxed when you know her, feel relaxed, if you feel bad, its ok, that’s you, it doesn´t matter. You don´t need to be your own slave, just do what you like to do with her, if you really want to go to dinner with her, or only having a cocktail at a bar, or go to the beach, it doesn´t matter, nothing is better than the other, as long as it is a thing you want to do with her, because you really like to do it with her, is much more powerful, than going to a pub instead of going to a disco (what you really would like to do) only because a routine says that its better, nobody can know your own situation but yourself.

Work on yourself, on your life ( the girls are the minor problem, you find girls everywhere, they are there as a part of your life. They come and go. Try to imagine the man you want to be, and do everything to be that man you want to be, the girls are a part of the cake, but not the whole cake. You can invite her to dinner and pay.. why not? if it makes you happy, than do it .

And if she says something, you can say that she can pay the cocktails, if she likes, at the disco or bar after dinner. That shows her that you respect it, that she is a free and independent creature, and that it is fair from your point of view.

That is a neutral basis for both, you need to give her space and freedom, without having the feelings of being overprotected. You can show her that you are a gentlemen and a man, without overdoing it. I don´t always open doors for the girls, but often, but I do it in a way a father would do it for his daughter.You If you feel free with her, she will also do, and then she shows you (subconsciously with her mimic and gestures and everything) what you really want to see.

The best thing is when a girl is natural with you, when she feels comfortable, free, easy, when she can be spontaneous, but if you are not on the same wavelength with her, because she needs to strain herself only to have a good convo, this will be uncomfortable for her, and she will remember that. If you want to know her, you need also make it possible for her to know you. You don´t need to show a woman nothing, you don´t need to force no situation. You go on a date and you don´t show interest? Why you go on a date then?  One thing is showing interest, and the other thing is that you want to get her to do something programmed, girls are no robots. The fun is when it happens from by itself.

Let yourself  be surprised by life.

I love teaching my students the art of giving double sided compliments to women.
The results men get when using double sided compliments PROPERLY are always positive!
Students often say to me that when they give a woman an outright compliment, they are often met with the nice but essentially useless reply “Thanks” and this can be a real conversation killer.
I often hear my self-doing this when men give me compliments in relation to my image/style/look etc
Why do I do this? It can be for 2 reasons, but first of all, let me be clear in one thing. It is NOT because I don’t like compliments, in fact I LOVE compliments and I’m not ashamed to admit it either!
The reasons I and other women simply reply ‘thanks’ and then await the uncomfortable silence are these:

First reason:

There is nothing left to say!

There is nothing left to say on THAT subject.
If a guy tells me I have a really cool dress sense, I’m not going to feel obliged to tell him why I have that particular dress sense, and I don’t feel obliged to give him a compliment back either. So what do I do? I simply smile sweetly and say “thanks” and then I await the conversation to inevitably end.
The compliment, is a statement, and is not a question or an assumption and therefore will not force the woman to respond. If you have a follow up to your compliment, then that’s fine. But usually guys don’t, and unfortunately the awkward silence after the compliment, makes the guys feel uncomfortable and even embarrassed, and so consequently they either change the subject in an awkward manner, or just walk off believing the girl has somehow rejected them (even if this is not the case)

Second reason:

The woman feels uncomfortable or forced!

The other reason women will answer a mans compliment with just a “thanks” is because, for some woman, a compliment can make them feel ever so slightly uncomfortable. They can feel a little self-conscious or they can feel that the guy is forcing the interaction in to something more flirtatious, which they maybe too shy to comply with, or which they are not READY to do yet.

These are the reasons why I teach my students the art of giving double sided compliments.

A double-sided compliment can produce a couple of results. It can help display high standards/value effectively whist forcing the girl to respond with more than just a polite and unhelpful ‘thanks’
And in most cases, it will even get her to qualify her self.

So what is a double-sided compliment?

A double sided compliment, is giving the girl a vague compliment, and then adding to it a DETAILED sentence that will translate as:
“but there is room for improvement “ or
“but I have seen better”
without, of course actually using those words.

Example

“You look great. But if you made your hair a darker/blonder colour then you would be very hot”

“You dress really well, but if you wore something a little more tight/elegant/shorter, then you would be ‘WOW’”

Here, you are telling her she looks good, but if she took your advice then she could look HOT or SEXY. Or even more appealing than she does already.

Its important to begin the double-sided compliment, with a vague compliment, so as it will not come across as an insult. If you just told her to alter her appearance to look better, then she might very well react defensively or aggressively.
With the first part of the double-sided compliment, you are making it clear you find her attractive. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

NOTE: Although I teach ‘NEGS’ to my students, and believe that there is most definitely plenty of advantages in using ‘NEGS’ in the right circumstances. I am also aware that NEGS can cause bad reactions in women too. This is why I prefer double sided compliments.

Forcing a response

A double-sided compliment always gets a response from the women, and usually it is a POSITIVE response too. They never respond to double sided compliments with the dreaded conversation killer ‘Thanks” Instead they usually ask the guy questions and even better they start to qualify them selves.

A lot of my students tell me that women say stuff like:

“Well, usually I dress more sexy than this, its just that I was tired/ in a rush/had my clothes in the dry cleaners etc”

The moment a woman is qualifying herself, she will see you as a man of HIGH STANDARDS

Here are some tried and tested double sided compliments

“mmm, that’s a nice perfume, let m smell it properly” leans in to her neck.
“Its nice, but I used to know a girl that wore “Coco Chanel” (insert preferred perfume) and it was so sexy, every man would look around when they smelled her come in the room”

“You are an attractive woman, but if you emphasised your eyes/lips more then you would look so fucking hot ”

“ I like the way you dress, its very cute, but if you wore something more elegant like a long backless black dress then you would be much more sexy”

“Let me see your shoes..” Holds leg up to inspect shoes. “They are nice, but if you wore some strappy killer heels you would be so hot”

There is literally an endless amount of double-sided compliments you can use, and it can always change depending on the woman’s look or style.

Go and use them as soon as possible, and eradicate the dreaded “thanks” response forever.
Save the outright compliment (which means no “but” or “If “ following the compliment) when you are firmly in the seduction zone. This will act as a reward and plus she will appreciate it and believe its sincerity far more than if you had used it whilst in the comfort zone.

I have made it my purpose to develop a strong and interesting lifestyle, and although women are an important aspect to the balance of my life, they are not my pure motiva­tion for wanting to become something more.
I really want to add a lot of value to the world and change peoples lives for the better and I will achieve that. Hot women are just a part of my orbital universe. Learn to become the centre of your uni­verse and not enter her orbit, because you will lose a lot of your own character, birth­right and effectiveness.
There isn’t a woman on earth who could ‘trade off’ so I could ‘be lucky’ to be around her yet give up my own destiny. If you can have this strong sense of a purpose and be con­gruent with it everywhere you go and every second you live, magical things will start happening for you.

Most men will just focus all of their energies and lose self-control when the next hot girl walks by. She is not your world and you know that you wouldn’t let her ‘control’ you in the future so why be like that up front?

When you are on YOUR path and not open to being swayed around by the perceptional visage (view) of a woman and her drama, she will be attracted to the rock (you).

Become an interesting and fascinating man and you will realize that every woman you do end up with will either fall in love with you, want to marry you, or experience tre­mendous fulfilment from what you can give her. She won’t be able to put in words the level of attraction and desire she feels for you.

This gives you more confidence and a stronger foundation from which to base future relationships on. You are the standard. You are the man. You may invite other wom­en to share in your reality.
Too many men are swayed by a beautiful woman’s drama and their edification of that reality. Centering your universe is truly more important than any pick up line or community learned routine.

Focus on your path and most often, the women will happen naturally as has happened to me. Biologically and naturally they are supposed to enter YOUR reality and not the other way around.
Women are complaining because on the inside they are so tired of men basically en­tering a woman’s reality (see, even they know it’s wrong). You have the right to be a man and not let society’s ‘forced reality’ try and whip you into ineffectiveness with women forever.
This often means saying ‘No’ to women who don’t fit your idea of the relationship you
want to have, or if she has too much drama for a relationship. This will really stump the beauties and you can feel your power meter rising when you really don’t care.
If you start conceding to her reality, the relationship will fall apart and she won’t call you back; BECAUSE it is not natural. This is part of the reason why we have a 50% divorce rate.
Despite the feminist preaching, women desperately desire men who will still be men. They are stronger now, so you really have to be congruent with your own reality and then will attract massive success.
The only thing that will last is really to mar­ry a traditional woman who doesn’t have all of the drama that beautiful, independent women bring to the table.

I don’t plan on getting divorced and I think most men would want to lead their lifestyle with a woman who can support them and inspire them instead of nag and drag them down. How about you? Develop a strong life path, a strong sense of direction.

I have read on the web page of one guru that he offers a 365 days tour for one million dollars. What do you think he will do the most time with you? I think…. Party. Just showing you that life can be a party.

When I do party the girls are secondary, they are included when you go party You don´t get girls in to your life, they are in your life. They are already there.

That does n´t mean that if you see a Pretty girl you don´t go there and say something to her.

Imagine:

You are sitting on a bar at the beach front, you drink a good coffee, the sun is shining in the clear blue sky, you are watching out at the beach, girls in bikini´s, palm trees, the ocean, you stand up and walk a little bit on the beach front, to go to get your newspaper at a shop, you are standing there inside people there you are waiting for your turn and think to yourself  “damn busy in here” and there she stands at your left, a beautiful blonde , 1,80m , good body… what do you think I would do?  I can´t tell you what I would do , but I can tell you for sure THAT I would do it. I just went there to get my newspaper and there she was, I did n´t go into the newspaper shop to meet her, she was just there. Thats the difference.

Most people get nervous when they go out to get laid, or to get girls… I would get also nervous

I don´t go to a club to get girls, I go to a club to have fun.

Now you know why you are there, rather than all the attributes you ” need to have ” if we are talking in PUA terms. Carefree, enjoy, yourself, be yourself, be alpha, inner game outer game, openers , IOI , contra IOI etc etc etc.

You don´t need anything, you are just partying and living your life, all that you need is automatically given to you at birth not more not less.

I go to a club and the whole disco is my set, for sure I know there are sets, but I don´t think about them, I will be in that set during the night, without even think about it, or I won´t be in that set, it doesn´t matter, I just let it happen. I go there to have fun, and do what I wanna do, that I have inside of me.

By party I mean also sitting with some friends at home, or in a bar and have a drink , without going to the club.

]]> http://donatellosnest.wordpress.com/2010/03/03/life-is-a-party/feed/ 0 Donatello http://donatellosnest.wordpress.com/2010/02/21/still-think-you-are-not-good-enough/ http://donatellosnest.wordpress.com/2010/02/21/still-think-you-are-not-good-enough/#comments Sun, 21 Feb 2010 07:19:35 +0000 Donatello http://donatellosnest.wordpress.com/?p=427 ]]>

Here’s a twist…

This is what the media throws at you:

THIS IS FANTASY:

Be all ripped up and big just for a kiss?

Save the world just to be with a beautiful woman?

Worship them? it’s a human being, not a rare, delicate gemstone.

It seems simple, but look at the message underneath it.
Muscles, 1.4% body fat = Healthy beautiful woman for you.

Oh man, this sh!t made me laugh, yeah right.

This is from a rap video. The hidden message is that you need to be rich and have an expensive car with “22’s” to get women. BS! By the way, you know how much gas those Hummers waste?

Obviously this are studio, paintings, drawings, movies, ads, acting pictures, etc. but this kind of crap is being fed to everyone. The society is forcing those images into YOUR SELF-IMAGE.

Screw the Matrix.

NOW BACK TO REALITY…

Reinforcement helps false beliefs:

Again, this is the truth, real people, in the real world…

Still think you need fame, money and riches in order to get a girl?

Remember Gisele Bundchen, dumped the famous, rich, handsome, young Leonardo DiCaprio for a surfer.

Still think you’re too wrinkly like a saddlebag, think you’re too old?

Still think you’re too skinny, not big enough with muscles, think your looks are affecting you?

Another supermodel, Alessandra Ambrosio, with some “average” looking guy.

Still think you’re too young or not “bad” enough?

Look, he’s on the phone being busy with his life also, he’s not hanging all over her just because of her beauty… in fact it’s the opposite. She’s all on him.

Still think your too fat or some other crap?

I don’t even need to mention anything, the picture speaks for itself.

It does not matter!

Oh yeah, did you know supermodel Adriana Lima left famous singer Lenny Kravitz for that average guy you see on that picture first picture, look here’s another of them…

I see what’s going on there, she’s happy, that’s all that matters, if you can make her HAPPY, she’s YOURS.

Might as well add more:

Height doesn’t matter!

Weight doesn’t matter!

Age doesn’t matter!

Regardless of his wealth, Hef’s age still doesn’t matter!

Muscles doesn’t matter! Pete Doherty and Katie Moss.

Your ethnicity/nationality difference doesn’t matter, even if you cover your whole self with tattoos! it doesn’t matter.
That’s porn star Tera Patrick and Evan Seinfeld.

By the way, I also thought of this, the only reason celebrities (most of the time) date other celebrities is because that’s who they are surrounded by, and if you think about it, would an average man even think about talking to one of ‘em? Hell no, they’ll have a stampede of excuses and think they’re not good enough!. It applies the same way to an attractive you see down the street she’s surrounded by guys who think they’re good enough with their Ferrari’s, Armani clothes, gold-plated teeth and shit.

Fly around the matrix and take a view:

Bad posture? Ugly-ducking?

Rapper, Jay-Z and singer Beyonce.
He doesn’t give a sh*t what people think or call him and a lot of people dissed this guy just in about everywhere you can imagine.

Think you look horrible?! (Not just “ugly” or “average”)

Well, does it look like Joseph D. Reitman’s looks matters to his wife Shannon Elizabeth? (From American Pie 1 & 2)

Thinning hair?

Matthew Vaughn & Ex-famous supermodel Claudia Schiffer.
Does his hair get in the way?
Did you know they’re married, and have kids?

Here’s another trip and twist:

How many women and men for that matter are out there and not happy?

If they’re not happy, then they would like somebody who will bring them the light (the guys who are weak-minded think just like a girl.)

They settle for less (on all ground, not just dating) because they think they are not good enough!

So, why would model, Kelly Brook go with thinning hair/receding hairline man, Jason Statham (From The Transporter 1 & 2)

Drop him all together to go with horse shoe/no hair man, Billy Zane? (From Titanic)

Not too long ago—without even knowing—I had the idea that lifestyle mattered (hobbies, interests etc.) but you know what?

It doesn’t either!

Last year I tried spicing up my lifestyle, i started attending a lot of stuff like wall climbing, scuba diving, “cool hobbies”, etc etc… I thought it will get me a lot of pussy.
After a while I got very fucking tired of all this sh*t.. It just made me more frustrated, i didn’t have so much time for women anymore. I realised i’m not here to make my lifestyle better, i’m here to learn how to be good with women. So I stopped all this.

I’m very satisfied now, that i don’t have much hobbies, just workout and maybe go play tennis some time. More free time and independence

I remember my friend told me about Britney Spears and her (ex?) boyfriend who was trashy and broke as hell; looks like that doesn’t even matter too…

I found a nice picture to sum up the whole thread:

It’s all about you and only you.

Here is something for the newer guys…

What do you think about that guy? Really hold on to that thought on what you’re whole impression of him is. Keep the thought and scroll down.

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Now what is your impression of him? His name is Jordan Bratman, but don’t mind Christina Aguilera there.

- If it changed dramatically then you’re still under the impression that looks, status, money etc. is important and that it matters.
(Keep on looking at the whole article series!)

- If it hasn’t changed at all then you know what’s up.

—

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…nothing special.

Just the way it is, it’s normal.

Like:

—

Age? pfft.

Height? pfft.

Appearance? pfft.

OK, A really bad appearance? pfft.

Ethnicity?

Does she care? Does he care? Does ethnicity really matter?

Car?

Yeah, does it look like it’s a fast Ferrari Testarossa? or an expensive gas-guzzling SUV with nanotechnology inside?

Guess whos in these pictures?

Kelly Ripa & Mark Consuelos, they’ve been married since 1996.

And they have a family also:

My default state is comfort and naturality. I approach women knowing that it’s the natural thing to do and it creates a state of comfort and ease that women follow. This helps in making women want to engage me in conversation a lot more and it neutralizes the “stranger” effect. I’d say that my game is influenced a lot by this emphasis on comfort and ease because it pays off a lot in the long run.

When I approach I do it directly and to the point. The women I speak to know from minute zero that I’m not there to make a new friend. I’m there because I find them attractive and I want to get to know them better. My approach is always relaxed and confident. I open with “I like you” or any other variation of that. The most important thing about my approach is my movement and my eye contact. When I approach my body language is relaxed and eye contact is deep and personal. Again, all of the signs that I’m a stranger are kept at bay. Also, and this is very important, I make sure that I’ve got her undivided attention. I do this by being deliberate and by slowing down. This is very important because women are used to getting hit on by guys who are quivering in their boots or they’re used to guys not approaching at all. By doing this I’m showing her that I’m the real deal, knight in shining armour. Mind you at this moment not even 2 minutes have elapsed. It is also when I begin to lead. By slowing down, being deliberate and as calm and relaxed as possible, I start getting women to follow my lead.

My next step is that I am quiet until she says something. I let her have her time to become comfortable with me. No pressure and no rush. Patience. It usually takes less than 5 seconds for her to blush or react in any way that she’s going to react. I do this because it forces her to committ to the interaction. That’s why I don’t do a rushed approach. It has been my experience that if I don’t get women to stop 100% before I open them, then it is not as effective. By controlling the tempo of the interaction I assume the lead. It puts me in charge. Therefore women can play out any kind of submissive fantasy they may have and it establishes me as the dominant side of the interaction. So you see, the whole stranger thing goes out the window and the interaction then takes on a completely different dynamic. All of a sudden it’s her that wants to impress me. By being comfortable and warm I make it easier for her to show me who she is.

My tone of voice throughout all of this is crisp and clear. I communicate with women that I’m meeting the same way I would talk to my brother or my friends. In this case I communicate with women as if they’re already my girlfriend. There’s no fan fare or any type of unneeded attention from my part. Friendliness yes, but not too much. This helps me create that little bubble of timelessness that I always aim towards. My tone of voice is also approval giving and not validation seeking. This is a subtle yet important distinction. When you’re approval seeking your tone tends to be comical and it inflects and adds emphasis in the wrong places. When you’re approval giving your tone is challenging and smooth. More importantly it is what her boyfriend sounds like. It doesn’t sound like fake politeness or ass kissing like many people tend to do. No I talk to her as if I already know her. What is the difference between people you know and people you don’t know? People that you know don’t tend to make such a big deal of things and this is exactly what I do.

Ok so by the first couple of seconds in the interaction I’m already establishing that we’re acquaintances, that I’m leading her and I want her to be my lover. By this time I’ve already kinoed her on the arms or the hands by means of a handshake etc.. This is done with the same warm, friendly, strong manner as the rest of my approach. I also get in her space when I’m approaching. Enough to get her attention but not too much so that I’m all up on her. Also the reason why she knows that I want her to be more than friends is because I am so at ease with her that I look her up and down and even, in some instances, grab them and give them a twirl while commenting on how good they look. This is done in a 100% confident manner. I’m in control remember.

After I approach I send out my first open ended question. Something to the effect of what’s your story or what should I know about you. By this time the women are so into me that they’re dying to show me how special they are. Sometimes, however, they get stuck in answering me so I answer my own question. This shows them how I want her to answer. Once she answers I kino her and reward her according to her effort. Like let’s say she reveals something superficial about her. I kino her gently while telling her that she needs to do better than that. If she answers and tells me something unique about her then I kino her more passionately and reward her better. After this is done I relate to whatever she says and continue the escalation. As an aside. My approach takes women closer to the personal than it does to the platonic. In other words when I approach I am so at ease and comfortable that women feel as if they know me or have known me before.

The way I connect with a woman is a combination of everything that I have written above. My open and warm personality mixed with my leading make women connect to me very quickly. My voice tone, eye contact and body language are all working towards this end as well. The relaxed pace of the interaction and the assumption of the close are also helping me achive a connection. Obviously, I get into deepr rapport when we get into to the relate and reward cycle. When we reveal ever more personal and unique things about ourselves we get in deep rapport and create a solid bond.

When I’m leading a woman and we start making out and touching each other, I start to do dirty talk. I get graphic as fuck and get the women super horny this way. I realy don’t spare any punches. I talk about how her pussy must be dripping wet and how her nipples are begging to get licked. I do this while touching them. I also do it as a whisper in her ear so that we maintain that bubble effect. I can be as graphic and raunchy as I want to be because I have taken care to lead and to make the women comfortable following my lead.

Side note:

I think that leading and imposing your reality is perhaps the most important part of a seduction. Along with actually approaching women this is what seduction is all about. When I interact with women I don’t try to convince them about how attractive I am, instead I lead them to where I want them to go.

The reality I base all of my game around is one where I know that women want to fuck me as much as I want to fuck them. I don’t go into the whole thing about being the best guy out there or any of that nonsense. Eventhough I know that most guys aren’t doing what I’m doing I keep my expectations basic. I just know that I have a shot. Another thing that I know that maybe all guys don’t is that women want to be led. They want to submitt to a strong man and I do this for them. Once that I have the mental side taken care of then what I do is just impose my reality on women and lead them where I want them to go. Basically I assume the close and treat women like they’re my girlfriend.

How to impose your reality? You can guide a woman with your energy and your frame. Like I wrote above, I start leading women from the get go by being confident and deliberate upon the approach. Then I get them to make an effort by asking them a big open ended question and shutting up until she shares something unique about herself. Asking a big open ended question is important in leading because you’re letting women know that you expect more than just the normal getting to know you conversation. You expect her to make a very big commitment by sharing something extremely unique about herself. When she invests this into the interaction with you then you are seen as a person that demands the very best and you won’t accept anything less.

Other ways of leading are physical. As I said before I treat women as if they’re my girlfriend early on. This means that I am holding their hands and I’m putting my arm around them as if I were their boyfriend. Like a boyfriend I don’t touch women tentatively. I touch them as if they’re mine already. Part of imposing my reality is that it is natural for me to do. If you think you’re the shit and you are congruent with this then women will recognize it right away. Being congruent means that you put forth your reality and know that everything is natural for you in your reality. This is why naturals get laid and this is why some guys can get some threesomes going while others don’t even get a sniff. It is all about your reality. My reality is one where women have to prove to me that they’ve got what it takes to be around me.

Chris is available for email consultation via succeedsocially@yahoo.com

I don’t really want to write this article. It can’t help but be negative and it’ll take the wind out a few people’s sails. But I think sometimes people need to hear certain things, even if they are a bit hard to swallow at first. Hopefully one day the points below will become irrelevant.

Ah, the Seduction Community. Some of you may not know what this is, but I think a fair percentage of guys who want to do better with women know about it. The summary is that it’s a bunch of advice on how to hook up with girls, with a whole subculture of (mostly wannabe) practitioners formed around it. If you’d like some information about it, check out the Wikipedia article. It’s a big can of worms though, let me warn you. Also, a good overview can be gained by reading The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss. This book is also good about discussing the pitfalls of this unique subculture. Some of the ideas here are already covered by Strauss’ concept of Social Robots. Anyways, the rest of this article will assume you’re familiar with the so-called ‘Community’.

I don’t consider myself part of the Seduction Community. When I was a few years younger and totally hard-up, I knew all about it though. I was your regular eager little Kool-Aid swigging newbie trying to apply all the advice he read on the message boards. As of writing this I’ve been in a relationship for two years and have largely dropped out of the scene. Even before I met her, I was starting to have some reservations about it. Well, except I have this site and the other one, so I naturally try to follow along with it, but I’m hardly out at the bars trying to pick up.

I have a much more ambivalent attitude towards the Community than I used to. On one hand, it can introduce a lot of positive things into the life of really lonely, hopeless guys. But on the other hand, it’s just so damned weird and unhealthy at times. Some people get into it and end up becoming a lot more strange than they were going in.

I have nothing against the idea of trying to learn the stuff the Community teaches, I just think you need to extract the benefits and avoid succumbing to the weirdness. Use the individual pieces of advice that help you, but don’t go too far into the whole thing and become a totally different, less appealing person. Hopefully this article will help you avoid the common problems.

Here are some of the good aspects of the Community:

• It has an overall positive focus on self-help and self-improvement, however misguided these good intentions can be at times.
• Some of the advice is really helpful. It helped me.
• It helps correct the overly needy, desperate, naive, or romanticized attitudes that some guys have about women.
• It helps correct the unhelpful tendencies towards dating some men have, like thinking they must spend a lot of money on a woman to impress her.
• It teaches guys that being attractive to women is something you can work on and develop, that it’s not a matter of, “You just have it or you don’t” or that you must have money or looks or power first.
• Through applying advice ultimately designed to help them get women, guys can become more attractive, personable, and confident on the whole.
• It provides them with a system in which they can work to improve with women.

Oh, but there’s the weird stuff too. Oh, is there ever. Some of it revolves around the advice and ideas, but a lot is based on the Community itself. Many of the guys who are attracted to this stuff can be weird, awkward, and undersocialized, so the cause-and-effect isn’t clear. Does the Community make you weird, or is it just that a lot of weird people are drawn to it, or does something about it bring out a new kind of weirdness in a certain type of person?

Anyways, here’s an extensive list of things to watch out for in yourself. As someone who used to be into this stuff, I’d be lying if I said none of these things ever happened to me, a lot of them did:

Feeling arrogant and superior just for being in the ‘Community’

The Community likes to style itself as possessing knowledge and attitudes about dating that are superior and enlightened compared to the mainstream. Regular males are AFCs (Average Frustrated Chumps) who buy women dinners and drinks in the vain hope of getting lucky, Community guys aren’t suckers like that. Even if a guy has never kissed a girl, being in the know about this secret information can give him a feeling of being part of an elite class. Yeah, he’s never felt a boob before, but at least he’s not a deluded loser like those teeming AFC masses. He’s not a player yet, but that’s only a matter of time, and he knows how to be one on paper, which almost feels like the equivalent of being one for real.

Of course, this is pretty silly. Just knowing how to do something and actually doing it are totally different things. That would be like me discovering a bunch of bodybuilding forums then walking around town, looking down at all the pathetic, scrawny people of the world, even though I was still skinny myself. Feeling like this also indicates a naive, Black & White view of mainstream guys. They’re not all chumps. Lots of them do just fine with women, despite doing things like going on traditional dates and paying for dinners. They certainly do better than virgins who could only pull a girl in theory.

Having a false feeling of superiority just for knowing about the Community is a poor source of self-esteem. You can come across as extremely deluded to normal people because as much as the Community sees itself as an elite secret society, it’s honestly mostly made up of below-average guys trying to catch up to the rest of the world in some very basic areas. For every one true player in the Community, there are hundreds of awkward guys trying to reach milestones that most people experienced as teenagers.

Being an unsolicited advice and opinion giver

I think pretty much every guy who’s new to the Community goes through a delusional phase where they think they’re some big pimp just for having all this ‘How to pick up girls’ information floating around in their heads. What usually happens is they start giving unsolicited advice to everyone they know. If a guy at work has just started seeing a new girl, you can bet they’ll jump and tell them they should do this, this, and this. That or they’ll suddenly feel compelled to start talking about women and society’s views on dating all the time. They won’t be able to sit through a rerun of Friends without loudly commenting on all the mistakes Ross is making with Rachel, or how he shouldn’t supplicate like that, or whatever.

Part of this is just harmless enthusiasm for a new interest. It usually passes for most guys. They’ll go to a bar, get shot down a lot, and realize all their book knowledge doesn’t amount to much without real world proficiency. Or they’ll be giving advice to a guy and get called out on it; “Well if you know so much about girls then why don’t you show us?”.

It’s kind of strange to always be talking about hooking up with women all of the sudden. It can just be poor people skills to constantly talk about the same thing or keep turning the conversation towards the topic when it isn’t appropriate. Also, I don’t think it’s good if you’re trying to derive self-esteem from other people seeing you as an expert on gaming girls. That’s I why did this sometimes. I wanted people to go, “Wow ! You’re so cool for knowing this stuff!!!”

Misapplying advice you don’t truly ‘get’

Of course some of this can be chalked up to the learning curve and the mistakes any beginners make. But some guys in the Community are quite socially and sexually inexperienced. The path they took through life may have caused them to miss out on social knowledge most people take for granted. They may have a lot of mental baggage or negative attitudes towards people. So when they come across certain pieces of advice, they don’t really ‘get’ it and apply their own weird spin to it. A more regular guy could take a particular piece of advice, instantly understand all of its unwritten guidelines and assumptions, and have success with it. A more awkward guy may misuse it and annoy people.

One prominent example where you see this is with the advice telling guys to be an Alpha Male, or be High-Value, or High Status. Many socially clueless guys won’t end up acting like how true high status people behave. Instead they’ll act how they think Alpha Males act. They’ll walk around with cartoonishly exaggerated ‘dominant’ body language. They’ll be arrogant and aloof towards other guys, even their friends. They’ll try to put down or one-up other people. They’ll take every little joke and rib as an attack. They won’t admit to any mistake they make. They don’t get it and end up being socially inept and obnoxious as a result.

Another visual example is the idea of ‘peacocking’ to get attention. Do it right and you’re a super cool, unique, intriguing guy. Do it wrong and you’re some dweeb wearing weird ass clothes.

A skewed perspective towards other guys

Being in the Community can warp the way you see other males. Instead of them just being another person or a friend to hang out with, you can start to categorizing them according to a different set of priorities:

• Clueless mainstream AFCs who you look down on and derive self-esteem from for being better than.
• Mainstream guys who are alright with women. Competition. Someone to practice AMOGing concepts on.
• Non-Community guys who are naturally good with women (i.e., Naturals). These are living gods whose tricks you must learn for yourself. They are objects to learn from.
• Community guys who are good with women, or at least better than you (i.e., Pick Up Artists/PUAs). Also people to idolize, but more importantly, to extract value from for your own gain.
• Community guys at your level. Wingmen. Guys who can go out with so you’re not at the bar alone. People to learn from. More than we’d like to admit, a way to grease the wheels of your own development. A means to an end.
• Friends. People to go out with so you can practice your game once you arrive at the destination. People to give you ‘social proof’. People to meet girls through. People to learn social skills from. Another means to an end.

Obviously it’s not this extreme for a lot of guys, but getting too into the Community can affect the way you see and value other people. You can start seeing every other person in terms of how they help the growth of your own ‘game’.

Idolizing the wrong types of people

I remember first getting into the Community when I was total crap with women. I saw any guy who could get laid a lot as super human. I wanted to be just like them. Any one who was getting lots of action had to be cool.

With lots more life experience I came to see that just because someone can pull women doesn’t mean they’re perfect in every other way as well. Guys can get laid and still be douchebags in general. Some players are insecure and think sleeping with lots of chicks will make them cool or worthy. Some guys rack up numbers because they’ll screw anything. Some guys rack up numbers because they attract truly messed up whores. Some guys are messed up themselves and sexually compulsive. Some are bona fide creeps and liars. I’ve met guys who have vague self-destructive feelings and act them out by getting blackout drunk and having skeevy, dirty hook ups. To be fair though, some guys are mentally healthy and just like sleeping around as opposed to being committed to one person.

A sign of hero worship is that you want to be exactly like your hero, and not just duplicate their success in the area for which you admire them for. Are you worshiping the wrong people? There are some pretty flawed PUAs in the community. Yeah, they hook up a lot, but do you really want to be like them as human beings?

Overdoing it with the Community jargon

This is a more minor point. It’s one thing to use abbreviations on the internet, but it just sounds weird when you throw around terms like ‘Day 2′ and ‘DHV’ in real life. Especially when you do it with non-Community people within listening distance. Also, a lot of Community jargon is redundant. Why say PUA can you can just say player? Why not talk like a regular person?

To get more philosophical, the language you use shapes the way you see the world. If you’re always using Community terms to describe everything, it may subtly change the way you see the world for the worse. You’ll be that one beat out of synch with the way most people see things, which is part of the essence of being weird.

Focusing on flashy tricks instead of truly being effective with women

A lot of the individual little techniques and lines from the Community have a showy element to them. A girl says something and you come back with a witty line and she goes, “Oh my God!!! I can’t believe you said that!!!”, then you high five your friends and go, “Dude, did you see that?!!?” Or a girl will ask you to buy her a drink and you’ll have some clever comeback action for it. And you’ll go to your friends and go, “Hahaha!!! She asked me to buy her a drink and instead I…” There are so many more of these. They revolve around messing with people or pulling off some sort of zany stunt.

Many guys come to see pulling off these tricks as ends in and of themselves. I guess it can make you feel good if you always used to be tongue-tied around women and now you’re busting out the crazy lines, but making a girl’s friends laugh at her, or embarrassing some guy who was trying to be rude to you isn’t the same as actually doing well with women. Getting caught up in pulling off flashy tricks can sidetrack you. Once again, it’s also a pseudo-source of self esteem. What’s it matter if your mates think you’re a mack for being witty to some chick, when you’re not really getting anywhere with them?

Trading one set of misguided ideas about women for another

Before they get into the Community, the typical guy has beliefs about women such as:

• Women are special, beautiful creatures.
• Women need to be saved and protected.
• Women need to be loved and nurtured.
• You need to make women feel special.
• Women need to be wined and dined and romanced.
• Women want nice guys.
• Women don’t like sex.

A little too naive and romantic in other words. Then they get into the Community and before long they’ve been exposed to ideas like:

• Women are flaky and unreliable.
• Women are emotional and illogical.
• Women only live in the emotion of the moment, do what feels good at the time, and justify their actions to themselves after the fact.
• Women are manipulative and use guys for free drinks and dinners.
• Women are fickle and have short attention spans.
• Women are self-centered and self-interested.
• Women primarily go to clubs for attention and validation from men.
• Women constantly test men, try to devalue them, and try to make them jump through hoops.
• Women try to make men suck up to them and put them on a pedestal.
• Women think their pussies are made of gold and sell them to the highest bidder.
• Women don’t know what they really want.
• Women are confused and hypocritical. They’ll profess to dislike whorish behavior then blow a guy in a bathroom that night.
• Women are programmed to want to get knocked up by an Alpha Male then ensnare an unwitting Beta Male into raising the child for her.
• Women will cheat on their partners coldly and unemotionally.
• Women are slaves to how their friends and society sees them. They want to sleep around, but have to be discrete about it.
• Society’s expectations have given women all kinds of weird hang ups up about sex and hooking up. Their minds are full of strange rationalizations and justifications.
• Women aren’t happy for long in a relationship and you have to constantly keep them on their toes and off-balance to stay with them.
• Women are powerless to resist the right type of guy. Even if they’re married, they’ll get sucked along.
• Women are easily manipulated by simple magic tricks and talk of new agey topics.

I’m not saying there’s no truth at all in these statements, of course there’s some. These statements do describe some women, or the way some women act in certain circumstances. But taken as a whole, you gotta admit this set of beliefs is pretty negative, misogynistic even. Just as all women aren’t special creatures that need to be rescued, they aren’t all fickle, emotional, and selfish either. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle, and it depends on the girl. Some girls are really normal and cool and easy to talk to.

Interpreting everything you come across through Community concepts

This gets into that saying, “If you give a child a hammer, he’ll find that everything needs hammering.” The Community’s ideas provide a fairly extensive set of advice for socializing with women, and other people as well. But its concepts don’t cover everything that can happen in the world. Lots of times things happen that a Seduction Community concept doesn’t address.

Guys can run into trouble when they unconsciously shoehorn every social situation they come across into the relatively small catalog of community ideas. As a result, they can often end up reacting to situations in a weird and socially inappropriate manner. Examples: Seeing a girl joking with you as a ‘neg’ or an attempt to make you lower value. Seeing every request from a girl as a test or a hoop she wants you to jump through. Seeing every joke or disagreement from guys as an attempt from them to ‘out-alpha’ you.

There are concepts from outside the Community that are useful too. Even mainstream dating or relationship advice has a lot to offer. Just relying on the toolbox the Community provides isn’t enough.

Buying too much into the self-hype that the Community is some movement

The first of three points about how the Community can take itself too seriously. Like I mentioned earlier, the Community sometimes likes to style itself as some sort of enlightened underground social movement. Through the Community’s values mankind will one day realign the way it approaches interactions with the opposite sex, blah blah blah. People in the Community possess true knowledge about how the world really works, they’re on the cutting edge, it’s only a matter of time before everyone else catches up.

Yeeaaahhh. I guess this is a source of self-esteem for some guys, to see themselves as in the van gaurd of a movement. But really, these days I just see it as a bunch of dating advice that’s a little better than the stuff you’d read in Maxim or on Yahoo! (and assuming it doesn’t turn you weird).

Being too into the idea of the Community being secret and underground

Some dudes overdo it with the sneaking around and end up with concerned friends and family members. Okay, I admit, lots of people are still unaccepting of the idea of a guy purposely trying to learn to pick up girls. Still, some guys go too far with being secretive about it. They’ll disappear to meetups with other Community guys without saying where they’re going. Or they’ll have a mysterious second group of ‘friends’ that everyone only vaguely knows about. Yeah, it’s kind of fun sometimes to sneak around like this, but don’t be vague and secretive to the point that people start to wonder about you.

Being too against mainstream society

The Community has a tendency to look down on mainstream society’s view towards dating and relationships. Its views can take on a conspiratorial tone: Mainstream society brainwashes guys through sappy movies and songs into acting like AFCs. This is turn plays into the hands of women, not the mention the restaurants, bars, movie theaters, and overall consumer culture that profits off the current courtship model.

Sure, many romantic comedies are too sappy and reenacting what you see in them won’t get you the girl in real life, but some Community members are too extreme. They’ll post in forums talking about how they refuse to listen to popular songs because they don’t want AFC memes to corrupt their mindset. Like some song is going to ruin you overnight.

When Community guys refer to regular society, they often use Matrix analogies. They’re unplugged, they took the red pill, whatever. Regular people are seen as brainwashed conformists, and in a general sense too, not only in regards to dating beliefs. Community guys think they’re on a higher level.

Community members can also exaggerate the extent to which mainstream society fears and misunderstands them (another source of self-esteem; being in an enlightened minority that the masses don’t comprehend). There’s a point to this, but the world isn’t out to get the Seduction Community, and some of its feedback should be taken closer to heart. When someone comments that wannabe PUAs are weird and creepy, they may have a point. When you explain some seduction theory or term to a friend and he snickers, it may be because the idea is dumb, not because he’s defensive and can’t admit to himself what an AFC he is. The average person often has a commonsense about the Community and its flaws that it doesn’t see about itself.

Wanting to be a guru who’s looked up to by other guys

Another item in the search for self-esteem. Lots of guys who post in forums or hang out with other Community members want to be looked up to as gurus. They want guys asking them for advice or gushing over their latest post. I mean, most people want to be respected, but the Community seems more guru-centric than most. I dunno, this is just a bit odd on its own to me, especially when guys with no real world game want to be seen as knowledgeable players. Why not worry about how your own life is doing and not care what a bunch of people on the internet think of you?

The naivity and extreme inexperience of so many guys in the Community can also cause very ordinary, unexceptional people to be bestowed with an undeserved high status. In the real world being able to get a date or have regular sex is not a big deal at all. It’s the rule, not the exception. It’s pretty much seen as mandatory to being a healthy, normal adult. But within the Community, a dude with basic, normal dating skills is far above the average. Even a man who can actually approach women in a bar is in an elite class relative to some of the guys. The bar is not set high at all.

Some guys get such a skewed perspective that they think they’re qualified to be dolling out seduction advice to other men (even charging for it) as soon as they sleep with a handful of girls, or even get a phone number. They have no idea what real skills with women look like, believing their wholly average abilities to be much better than they are. And the inexperienced masses don’t help the situation, truly seeing a guy who can kiss a girl or get a date as being exceptional and far above them.

Falling into a cult-like atmosphere towards certain personalities or schools of thought

I think things are getting more fragmented now, but on the whole, the Community is organized around particular ‘gurus’ and their own schools of thought about the best way to pick up women. Some of these gurus are more low key, but others, intentionally or not, end up creating a cult-like atmosphere around themselves and their beliefs. They’ll portray themselves as knowing the one true path. They’ll over hype their own powers. They’ll actively try to acquire followers and attempt to instill in them the idea that anyone who goes along with them is part of a select group, the only ones fortunate enough to be following the true way. They’ll try to discredit or limit access to outside ideas. They may fabricate an enemy that’s out to get them in order to bond the group together under an ‘us vs. them’ solidarity.

Getting back to the self-esteem issue again, aligning yourself with one ‘guru’ can give you a sense of identity and of being in the know. Still, you just want to do better with women, why are you wasting time worrying about this ‘guru’ vs. that ‘guru’? And somehow, that’s just got to make you seem a little off to regular folk.

Seeing being good with women as a skill to compete with other guys over for its own sake

I don’t think I’ve met a natural ladies man who cares about having tight game for its own sake. He just sees a girl he likes and says what he has to say to get her. A way to get from point A to point B. But in the Community it’s all about who’s the best PUA, who could beat who in a PUA challenge, who can achieve some arbitrary game related goal, is this camp of PUAs better than this camp, is such and such PUA as good as he says he is? On a more local level, when guys in the Community hang out together, it’s not uncommon for petty little rivalries and jealousies to develop.

Getting too sucked into all the drama and gossip of the scene

This is a very common criticism. The Community can be quite the soap opera at times (most of the time). Betrayal. Friendships falling out. Accusations of theft. Guys leaving one company/message board/local group to start a rival one. Wars of propaganda. Personal attacks across blogs, podcasts, and message boards. Very juicy stuff. The point is obvious: you’re wasting your time if you get too caught up in this shit, especially at the expense of living an actual life.

Personally hanging out with too many really weird people

I remember this about myself in high-school, and other people have told me similar stories about their experiences. Sometimes all of a school’s unpopular, socially clueless guys will form their own little group. I’m not referring to somewhat geeky, but mostly normal guys here, more that smaller group of harder cases every school has. If these guys form a group it often isn’t very warm and cohesive. They’re too distrustful, strange, abrasive, and socially clueless to get along with each other properly. Even a weird, unsociable kid is instinctively put off by another person’s weird, unsociable behavior. They may hang out together, but they don’t really like each other, and all these little passive-aggressive conflicts occur.

The same thing can happen in the Community on a local level. You get these weird, socially lacking guys together in a ‘lair’ and all sorts of unhealthy dynamics consistently seem to develop. On paper they’re comrades, joined together to fulfill a common goal. In reality they’re feeling competitive and there’s an unspoken ‘every man for himself’ attitude. They have melodramatic personality conflicts and power struggles. They annoy each other. They squabble over petty things. They may model bad habits for each other. If you’re not weird already, then getting too caught up in this stuff may make you a little strange. If you already are weird, then you don’t need to feed the fire. Better to hang out with some normal folks or more level-headed Community types.

Going too far with Self-Improvement

It’s a no brainer that improving yourself as a person is a good thing, for you and for the people who interact with you. Lots of Community guys are into the larger process of self-improvement and see learning how to do better with women as one component of that. But I strongly believe you can go too far with Self-Improvement. You can read a few too many self-help books and listen to a few too many motivational CDs and become sort of flakey and unbalanced. It’s like anything: go overboard with it and you get a little off. You lose the ability to just watch a dumb movie – that’s poor productivity and the time would be better spent learning how to speed read. You can’t talk about current events because the only things you’ve read in the past three months are tomes on time management.

Also, self-help has a not-insignificant new agey aspect to it. Get too into ‘energy’ and Astral Projection and self-hypnosis and you start seeming really off to people. You get that stereotypical bland smile and vacant look in your eyes. Again, I’m not against looking into this stuff out of curiosity or in moderation, but go too deep I think you go a little funny.

Buying into the weirdness of particular personalities or schools of thought

There are some pretty out there ideas floating around the Community. In general the scene as a whole is moving more towards ‘Natural Game’, but there’s still lots of self-hypnosis, visualization, and NLP-type ideas out there. Then there’s all the magic tricks, palm reading, and cold reading games. It’s just my opinion, but I think that stuff is all a little weird. What it is with the Community and new agey stuff? Feel free to disagree with me, that’s just my gut reaction. Still, I think most people would agree that if you hole up in your room and get really into NeuroLinguistic Programming you’re going to get a bit strange in the process.

Aside from that, every school of thought about the best way to get laid has its own little quirks. Some of these quirks are weird and unhealthy to hold. It could be a technique it espouses or an belief about women it holds. It may be an attitude or disposition it wants you to have. The whole system could be rotten.

Next, I think to a degree, every school of thought wants you to act like the ‘guru’ who came up with it so that you can capture the same success they have. That’s cool, but what if you’re unintentionally being told to emulate weird or unhealthy aspects of the guru’s personality? There are personalities in the Community who are a bit aggressive or unstable. Some are arrogant. Some are sleazy. Some are tacky. Some are socially lacking with other people except for girls they want to sleep with. Some hold odd beliefs. Buy into the idea of being just like them and you’ll incorporate their flaws into yourself.

Feeling you have to abandon your past life

I’ve seen this message board conversation quite a few times over the years:

Poster: “Ever since I got into the community I can’t relate to my friends anymore. I want to sarge but they just want to stay in and watch TV like AFCs.”

Responders: “If you want to get good at this you have to turn your back on your old life. Your old friends aren’t like you anymore.”

I just think this attitude is really wrongheaded. It’s just a bunch of dating tips, not a lifestyle you have to give up your old self to follow. Some socially awkward people can be negative about others and have a bad habit of looking for excuses to drop their friends. I was one of them. This viewpoint may be rooted in that.

Then there’s that common idea that the only way to get good at picking up girls is to drop everything and devote yourself entirely to it for a few years. After all, that’s how such and such guru did it. There’s probably a more balanced way to go about it though. Why give up your current friends? Why screw up your education or career? There has to be a less obsessive approach to take.

Feeling that getting a girlfriend is a sign of weakness and settling

This ‘give up your life’ mentality can also lead guys to shun regular relationships for the cause of improving their game. In the Community there’s a general belief that if a guy gets a girlfriend, especially before becoming a card carrying PUA, that he’s quitting. He’s betrayed the scene. He’s turning his back on his mates. He can’t hack it and is dropping out of the race. If he says it’s because the girl makes him feel happy, he’s just rationalizing what a loser he is. When well known people in the Community get a girlfriend, there’s always this sense of shock and suspicion, like how could he do something so crazy? It’s okay to have a harem of fuck buddies or be in an open relationship, but just seeing one girl? That’s wussy AFC stuff. (As an aside, I find Community advice towards relationships preoccupied with power dynamics and the guy always having the upper hand).

First, I question the underlying assumption that game must be honed purely for its own sake and that everyone who gets into the scene needs to try to become the ultimate mack. Second, there’s nothing wrong with having a girlfriend. I don’t think everyone has to have one all the time, but on the whole it’s a normal, healthy thing to want, not some loser consolation prize. In fact, dating a girl you’re really compatible with brings you something no amount of drunken make outs or phone numbers can give you. Do you think natural players fret every time they’ve been seeing a cool girl for a few weeks because they’re worried it’s going to mess up their player skills?

To be fair again though, sometimes a guy does just settle for a so-so girl to avoid improving himself, but you can’t say this applies by default to everyone who gets into a relationship. Sometimes they meet someone they like, they’re ready for that in their lives, and they go with it. Also this advice is sometimes given in the sense of, “The last time you had a girlfriend you were a weak, pathetic wreck. If you just get another one you haven’t changed anything. Why not stay single a while longer and improve yourself?” I think that’s reasonable, but if I guy is healthy and wants to date someone, there’s nothing off about it. He can still grow as a person while he’s seeing someone. And if he ever finds himself single again he can choose to pick up where he left off.

Focusing on nothing but getting women and valuing everything in terms of how it helps your game

As the last few points have been harping on, the Community often encourages guys to put learning the game first and foremost. If a guy is hopeless and desperate this isn’t unreasonable, and I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with throwing your life out of balance temporarily. You write exams and your life is devoted to school for a few weeks. You have a baby and your life is devoted to the newborn for half a year. But you can go too far with this. Some guys unnecessarily put their educations, social lives, or careers on hold.

The problem I really want to talk about is how when you focus on getting better with women too much, you can end up judging everything based on how it helps you improve your game. “Go to an art gallery? Art doesn’t help my game. Oh, but maybe there will be girls to hit on there. Oh, maybe learning about art will help me hook up with artsy girls.”, or “Hang out with the guys? No, no girls there. That’s not a good use of my time. Oh, but maybe I could learn some Alpha behaviors from them, so it may be worth a shot.”, or “I like hanging out with Rick because he’s good with women. I don’t like hanging out with Dan because he’s an AFC.”, or “Read this pulpy book? No, it won’t teach me any Inner Game concepts, so I’ll pass.”, or “Should I drink? Well on one hand it will reduce my approach anxiety, but on the other, it will hinder my ability to remember my lines.” What about judging things according to different criteria, like will you have fun doing something? There’s more to life than immersing yourself in learning how to be a player. The cliched thing to say is that it’s these extra things that you have going on in your life that are what truly makes you interesting and attractive. If you only focus on game you get odd and one dimensional.

Trying to proselytize and convert your friends

Another common forum thread:

Poster: “I’m trying to get my friends into the game but they’re not interested. They’re total AFCs but whenever I tell them about the community they don’t care. I even tried showing my friend how to approach girls the last time we were out at the bar, but he just got annoyed with me.”

Responders: “Oh, don’t bother. You can’t make anyone change if they don’t want to. They’re too plugged into the matrix. Getting into the community would mean admitting to themselves that they have a problem, they’d rather preserve their egos, blah blah blah.”

Besides being condescending towards regular guys just because they’re not into being a PUA, this ‘convert the friends’ attitude has some other issues:

• Okay, to be fair, sometimes it’s just about being enthusiastic or wanting to help your lonely buddies out by sharing something that’s helped you.
• But a lot of the time it’s more about you than them…
• You want to be admired for introducing them to this awesome gold mine of knowledge.
• You want the rush of getting to be their guide and mentor into this new world.
• You want some people to go out with when you try to meet girls.
• You want the ego boost of being the wise teacher who brings the clueless chumps towards the light.
• Your own progress towards PUA-dom is slow and you think that by being a teacher to your friends you’ll give yourself a kick in the ass.
• You need other people’s approval before you feel comfortable being into the Community yourself.
• If they refuse, you get to feel superior to them for being so clueless and deluded.
• You want to intentionally put their skills with women under a spotlight and make them look bad, so you can feel good about yourself, all under the pretext of wanting to help.

Being way too over confident for how cool your actually are

A criticism about Community guys I’ve heard several times is that many of them are arrogant, overconfident geeks. As in, these guys meet several objective criteria for being dorks, and they have no rational basis for acting as superior as they are. Such critics are usually relatively normal guys who see Community guys as they really are. Naturally, they’re put off and weirded out by such people.

I think there are a few reasons for this behavior. The first is the importance the Community places on being Alpha, and how this advice is frequently misinterpreted. The second reason, which I mentioned right off the bat, is that the Community often instills a false sense of arrogance and proficiency in its members. Third is that it’s not totally uncommon for socially lacking guys to possess a false sense of being better than other people.

Fourth is a Community idea that in order for someone to be cool and high-status they just have to believe they’re so. Guys are advised to go to nightclubs and act as if they’re the coolest people there. I disagree and think that while coolness and social value is in some ways due to your attitude, a lot of it comes from you meeting outside criteria. A guy who is obviously unkempt, awkward, bitter, anxious, out of touch, and unstylish can’t just magically become the coolest guy in the bar because he thinks he is. Other people will look him up and down and instantly realize he can’t back up his attitude.

Doing weird, anti-social things to get over your fears

Community guys are collectively obsessed with getting over their fear of women. For many guys this is their biggest problem, not a lack of knowledge about how to get a girl. For some reason many of them get it into their head that the best way to become fearless is to go out in public, act like a weirdo, and purposely expose themselves to embarrassment and negative judgments from other people. Such stunts are accompanied by talk of tearing down preprogrammed social conditioning. The idea is that if you can do something totally ridiculous and extreme, talking to girls (another supposedly societally conditioned fear) will seem easy.

So you read blogs and forum posts from guys about going out in public in a dress or going around saying inappropriate things to people. I get the logic behind this but it strikes me as pretty strange. There’s no real need to do this to get over your fears with women. Guys who do this are not escaping the Matrix or thumbing their nose up at society’s brainwashing, they’re just being unnecessarily odd.

This gets at a larger issue with the Community, that it’s often focused on pulling off wacky stunts. Acting weird in public is a wacky stunt. Saying something outrageous to a girl to impress your friends is a wacky stunt. Trying to AMOG some big guys for no reason is a wacky stunt. I think at the heart of this is the belief that talking to girls is a wacky stunt. Something exciting and extreme to do when you want a thrill. I think it’s a natural side effects of your nervousness. Of course the goal is to learn to see talking to girls as no big deal.

Thinking you can reduce all human interactions down to a repeatable formula

This isn’t my idea at all. The Social Robots concept from the very beginning of the article gets into this. Other people have pointed it out to. It’s the idea that it doesn’t matter what you’re really like as a person, or what you truly have going for you, if you have the right lines and actions memorized for every situation, you’ll be able to hook up with girls. You just spit out the right words, and respond to situations as they come up with the right pre-planned solutions, and the woman becomes interested. Doesn’t matter if you can’t have a witty, spontaneous conversation to save your life, just repeat the lines that have predeterminded effectiveness.

People usually say this type of thinking goes back to the fact that lots of guys in the Community are supposedly logical computer programmer types, and that they think, in their socially naive manner, that they can turn social interactions into an algorithm. Another popular comparison is of nerdy guys seeing conversing with women as a video game. They think they can beat the system and find an exploit, the same way they can discover how to get their characters up to level 99 before they’re supposed to be. Not going to happen. Will make you seem weird. If you want to do better with the opposite sex you legitimately have to improve yourself.

Basing your entire identity around being a ‘PUA’

Another criticism I can’t take credit for. Guys in the Community are sometimes seen as lame and creepy by regular folk because their whole identities are built upon their being good with women. Some of them style themselves as Miyamoto Musashi-type characters, on a quest to ‘master the game’.

Normal guys who get laid a lot see it as something fun to do, but their entire self-concept doesn’t revolve around their ability to pick up. Having good game is a means to an end (sex), not an end in itself. At the worst they may brag about their conquests too much, but if you asked them to sum themselves up in one word, they would never say “Pick Up Artist”. They don’t plan their lives around being the best player possible. They don’t try to master the game for its own sake. They don’t see themselves as immersed in a unique lifestyle.

Chasing after and glorifying a lifestyle you don’t even know you want

Aaaaannnnd finally, lots of sexually inexperienced guys get into the community to hopefully one day become players. This is the pot of gold. If they’re anything like how I was, they imagine it to be a lifestyle almost like a real life porn movie – lots of random, disconnected sex with various hot chicks. Guys will tell themselves this is what they want, and it sounds good when you put it like that. They think they’re never going to want to settle down and instead remain eternally and happily single, or juggle several girlfriends at once.

More importantly, they think that if they can just become players then their lives will be perfect and all their problems will disappear. Players are gods among men, right? How can they have troubles? How can anything be going wrong if you’re scoring with lots of chicks? Or they think that while they may be losers and failures in other aspects of their lives, if they could get that confidence boost of knowing they can sleep with lots of girls, then that won’t matter.

So anyways, they start doing a little better with women and they come to realize that sex isn’t that big a deal. They have a few one nights stands and find them fun, but strangely unsatisfying after a while. They come to see constantly going out to bars trying to get laid as a pain in the ass. They realize that they’d rather be in a fun, fulfilling relationship with one cool girl than get laid once a month by picking up some random drunk girl they may not even be that into. They stop seeing what the fuss with having a ‘high score’ for its own sake is all about. It could happen to you, or maybe not…

Damn, that was long. So in conclusion: If you’re bad with women then you gotta get this part of your life handled, or you’ll never be totally happy. Some aspects of the Seduction Community might be of use to you in that regard. I don’t unconditionally hate the Community, just the many things this article pointed out. I wouldn’t be with my girlfriend without it, and I’ve met some great people during my time there. I just think you gotta keep yourself down to earth if you get into this scene. Stay the same person you always were, just be better socially and romantically. Don’t lose your life to some weird subculture in the process and end up hurting your cause.

Also, as I say in some other articles on this site, many guys can make more progress towards doing better with women by improving their basic social skills and personality, and overcoming the anxieties that prevent them from trying to meet women. Trying to become a player without this foundation of attractiveness can just sidetrack them, because they’re not addressing their core problems.

There are five attributes of masculinity that women go ga-ga for. They are 1) Assertiveness, 2) Dominance, 3) Cynicism, 4) Toughness and 5) Adventurous. These are the traditional male attributes that have somehow disappeared from male society ever since the Politically Correct movement took hold. Better explained. This is how our grand dads used to behave like when life wasn’t as nice and easy as it is today.

When you’re being assertive you move around the world not making excuses for your desires and you don’t let social pressures get to you. Assertiveness in seduction is when you approach a woman as if it’s your right to do so. I’m not saying you knock her down and have your way with her. What this means is you don’t sit there wondering if you’re good enough for her. Or you don’t sit there waiting for her friends to leave for you to open her because you’re scared of what people will say. You just assert yourself and do it because you want her. Period. This also goes for the rest of the interaction. You’re a man that goes after what he wants. This is the attribute you develop when you have good inner game and a strong sense of your self worth.

Dominance in seduction, as well as in any other part of your life, is when you make your own rules. You make your own world work for you. This part is important because it has to do with the male, female dynamic more than any of the other attributes. In seduction this means that you understand that women are submissive and males are dominant so you take your role as a dominant man and you treat her from this perspective. Dominance gives women that sense that you’re in control and are able to awaken her female side. This means that you don’t go out of your way to accomodate her just because you’re afraid that you’ll lose her. No. You know that she wants you to lead. You don’t sit there wondering what she’s thinking. You act. The best example of this is the friendly neighborhood pimp. Now, I know that there may be a lot of negative connotations concerning pimps but I’m not getting into all of that now. The reason I use the pimp as an example is because he just maybe the last example of a guy that knows his role in his relationships with women is being a man and he fullfills it. He also knows that a woman has her place and he expects her to act like a woman. Today this is reffered to as male chauvinism but back in the day this is how men and women related to one another. The whole fear of being a chauvinist fucks up a lot of guys because women want you to be a dominant man and you’re acting like Jerry Seinfeld trying to be all funny just to get in her pants. You have a back bone and she will not brake you down. No woman can brake you down remember that. Think of this when approaching too. Also women want a dominant guy because he’ll be a good providedr for her and the family. You’re not scared to go out into the tough world to get yours.

Cynicism is your edge. This is the exact opposite of being naive. This, like dominance, is an important attribute in the male, female dynamic. Being a cynic means you know what’s up. A cynical man doesn’t fall for the old fairy tale of women being like porcelain dolls and instead knows that a woman is willing to get freaky with you. In other words, you know that a woman wants you to be assertive and dominate her. Cynicism gives you the appearance that suggests to a woman that you know she’s a little slut deep down inside. It also gives her the idea that you’re willing to explore that slutty side of her without being taken aback by her behavior. Further it also suggests that you won’t judge her because she knows you’re savvy enough not to give into the conventional wisdom which suggests that women are little petals and don’t want to be man-handled. This in essence is your sex appeal. Your bad boy side. On the flip side this let’s her know that her man is not gonna get cheated out of money or get taken for a fool. She knows that you’re aware of danger and you can protect her from it.

is when you don’t fall apart if she doesn’t want you anymore. This is the attribute which makes a woman think that you have options. You won’t sit there and cry just because things didn’t go your way. You let go of the bad result quickly and you’re off to your next woman. This is the part of you which she finds challenging. It’s challenging because she knows that if she doesn’t treat you right she’s out. We’ve all heard it before. Women want a man with options. Well this is the attribute that makes her think twice about pulling some shit. Toughness is the exact opposite of the spineless good guy that women tend to abhore. Now this doesn’t mean that you’re a dick but you have resolve and you don’t take shit from no one no matter how good she tastes. This is also good for your life away from seduction. You get knocked down but you get back up again. It is also very attractive to women when a man is tough because she knows that if you really love her you won’t take the easy way out.

To be adventurous means that you’re unpredictable. This is the attribute that has to do with risk taking. The exact opposite of being boring. I’ll give you an example. The other day my woman and I went to an amateur boxing match in the middle of one of Miami’s toughest ghetto’s. I didn’t think it was too adventurous but my woman was scared on the way there, during the boxing match and until we left the neighborhood. She was scared shitless but she was excited. She also told me how by me being assertive and comfortable interacting with the people at the boxing match it made her super wet. Women want excitement in their life. Women like to have fun. Duh!!!! This means that your relationship will never get boring and stale. By being adventurous you’re the essence of romance.

Before you even open her be enough of a cynic to know that every woman has a little slut living inside of her. So open her accordingly. Then approach her assertively and proceed from there. If she doesn’t open up to you be tough enough to bare with the awkward silence and don’t try to fill the silence with something to say just to get her to talk. Then be dominant and lead the conversation where you want it to go.

Ok. Now that you have an idea of these attributes you’ll get a better idea of what it is that makes women attracted. This is not just my opinion. This is from a book named Dangerous men adventurous women by Judith Krantz. This is a book dealing with the formula they use to write romance novels. Romance novels account for 51% of all books sold including the bible and any every other book from apples to zebras. Romance novels deal with women’s fantasies. You do the math.

My biggest tip is to know your role and act like a man.

Not worthy enough – bullshit. You’re a guy, she’s a girl, guys and girls get together and make fuck. It doesn’t matter who you are or who she is, or what either of you look like. If she isn’t into you, it has nothing to do with your social status… and if that were the case, the fuck would you wanna be with a girl like that for anyway? Exactly. She’d be doing you a favour.

The interaction will lead nowhere – you’re not psychic, motherfucker! This is a bullshit excuse not to approach, plain and simple. Because it’s easier to avoid the interaction altogether than it is to do it and risk failure, many guys will quit before they even begin. You’re going to die some day. Don’t let your ego get in the way of how you really want to be.

And another thing, if the interaction doesn’t go anywhere that’s your own fault for not taking control and leading things where you want them to go. The girl is either into you or she isn’t, and if you’re talking to a girl who likes you while thinking “this isn’t going anywhere” then of course you’re gonna fail because you’re being miserable and focusing on how the interaction isn’t going anywhere instead of actually doing something about it. It is not her job to steer the conversation, it’s yours. So stop whining and do it already.

Not good looking or tall enough – girls all have different types; you’d actually be surprised at what a lot of girls are attracted to. Yes, there is a line, but most guys who think they’re unattractive haven’t got a damn thing wrong with them. And besides, girls tend to look at the whole package rather than looks alone. I knew a guy who was pretty weird looking and had a pizza face, he got with plenty of girls and I’m talking pure fucking stunners here. It’s all about how you talk to them. Case in point, stop bitching about your looks.

Not popular enough – if a girl wants you for your social connections, she is not worth being with. A girl should want you for you, not who you’re connected to or what you can do for her. Not being popular will help you, because the manipulative ones won’t take anything to do with you. That means even less bullshit to deal with, you should be thankful.

Not rich enough – same as before… if she doesn’t like you cos you don’t have money, or anything else for that matter, then she doesn’t want you. She wants free shit, favours, and to be seen in high class places. Let the rich fucks have her, she’ll mess with their minds and string them along. You will find girls like this will have a couple of (or more) guys who buy them shit and take them out, but they would never sleep with any of them. Chances are the guys she’s fucking are, you guessed it, guys like you. Not so scary now, is she?

Not having the lifestyle – same thing yet again. If she’s worth being with, she won’t care about your lifestyle. I’m broke as shit most of the time and I just do normal guy stuff. Girls don’t care. If you really think you need an awesome lifestyle or have certain things to impress girls in order for them to like you, it’s time for a serious wakeup call. It isn’t your life they want, it’s you.

She is not attracted to me – how the fuck would you know? Stop being a pussy and go find out.

I’m not her type – again, how would you know? It’s your job to go over there and find out if you’re her type or not; making assumptions like this right from the offset isn’t gonna get you anywhere. It’s just another excuse to justify your inactions… so, stop kidding yourself and do something about it.

If you want a new xbox game and don’t see it on the shelf right away, do you bitch about them not having it and go home or do you go up to the desk and ask? If you don’t ask, you’ll think to yourself later, “maybe they did have it, fuck I’m stupid”. But if you make an effort to find out, then even if they don’t have what you want you’ll have closure and be able to put it aside. Trying and coming up short is better than never trying and wondering what could have been.

Her friends will think she is too good looking for me and sabotage – that isn’t why girls cockblock and mess shit up on each oher. It’s because they’re catty and don’t like to see each other having things they don’t/can’t have. If this really is an issue, she will see you away from her friends… and at least one of her friends will secretly be interested in you aswell. You can only gain.

She cares what people think and what they will think of us together – who gives a shit what she thinks? For one thing, this is probably never gonna be an issue. And if it is, it’s not your problem anyway, so don’t make it your problem. Ask yourself this, if a girl is worried about being seen in public with you, how does this stop you being together in private (where you would rather be anyway)? Exact-a-fuckin-mundo. And by the way, if a girl is worried about being seen with you, it doesn’t have shit to do with your looks so don’t even try that shit. There are plenty of real reasons.

I will look like a fool if I fail approaching, I will see her again and it will be embarrassing – I hate to break this to you (well, not really), but nobody gives a shit about you. Nobody is paying attention; the world doesn’t stop to watch you talk to some girl. And if she isn’t into you, big deal. Most women are very polite and nice, providing you’re respectful towards them they won’t cause a scene or get even the least bit dramatic. You probably won’t see her again, and if you do, are you forced to talk to her or even look at her? Nope. Stop bitching… nobody is paying attention, it’s just you and her, and the worst you will get is a polite declination as she walks away. You’re not crossing a minefield here.

She will flake, whats the point? – again with the psychic shit. You don’t know this, and by making such an assumption then you’ll be the one causing it to happen cos you’re focusing on why everything is gonna go wrong instead of enjoying her and being positive. If she flakes, and I’m not saying she will, who gives a shit? There are plenty more girls out there. It will thicken your skin, give you some more determination, and you might learn a thing or two from it aswell. You’ll have noticed by now that every excuse you can possibly come up with, I see positive aspects in. You will see everything in the same light just as I do, if you stop being a mope and actually think for a minute.

Where am I going to fuck her? In my car? I’m better off calling me fuck buddy – I translate this as, “I already have a girl, so what’s the point?”. I mean, if you had a fuck buddy then you wouldn’t be worrying about where to take a different girl. To me, this suggests a defeatist attitude. A man in this position should have even more confidence in approaching new women because he believes even stronger that he has nothing to lose.

Any excuse you can come up with not to approach a woman, I can turn it right around and make it a reason to actually do it. Every guy here should be able to do the same.

When sparks fly between two people, we’re quick to say they have “chemistry.” Not everyone realizes that such couples literally have do have chemistry–it’s what’s behind those sweaty palms, the jumpy stomach, thumping heart, and nervous jitters. Chemistry also contributes to that warm, comfortable feeling you get from being with a longtime partner.

In the mid-1960′s, psychologist Dorothy Tennov surveyed 400 people about what it’s like to be in love. Many of her respondents talked about fear, shaking, flushing, weakness, and stammering. Indeed, when human beings are attracted to one another, it sets off quite a chain reaction in the body and brain. But there’s a perfectly logical explanation to those intense feelings.

The most well-known love-related chemical is phenylethylamine — or “PEA” — a naturally occurring trace ammine in the brain. PEA is a natural amphetamine, like the drug, and can cause similar stimulation. This natural upper contributes to that kick-up-your-heels, on-top-of-the-world feeling that attraction can bring, and gives you the energy to stay up all night talking to a new love. Sometimes this energy translates into the triple-espresso jitters; other times it simply keeps you wide-eyed and alert long past the time when you’d usually be yawning. “I always get excited about somebody who can keep me up late at night,” says Elan Freydenson of New Jersey. “I really value my sleep.”

Feeling Dopey

You can also get a non-romantic dose of PEA from high-intensity activities like skydiving, or by eating chocolate. According to Chocolate.org, chocolate contains small amounts of our love drug, PEA. That might be why some people use chocolate as “comfort food,” getting the same warm, relaxed feeling from chocolate as others do from Mom’s chicken soup.

One of the substances released by PEA is the neurochemical dopamine. A recent study done at Emory University shows that female voles (small rodents) choose their mates in response to dopamine being released in their brains. When injected with dopamine in a male vole’s presence, the female will pick him out of a crowd later. Our love food, chocolate, also elevates levels of dopamine in the brain.

In turn, Dopamine stimulates the production of oxytocin, sometimes known as “the cuddle chemical.” Oxytocin is best known for its role in mothering, stimulating contractions during labor and aiding with breast feeding. According to BirthPsychology.com scientists now think that both genders release this nurturing hormone when touching and cuddling, with the oxytocin level peaking during orgasm.

Another euphoria-inducing chemical in your brain, norepinephrine, stimulates the production of adrenaline and makes your blood pressure soar when near the person you’re attracted to. That’s why you might experience a pounding heart or sweaty palms when you see someone you’ve got the hots for.

What The Brain Tells the Body

How do our emotions get translated into physical sensations? A U.S. News and World Report article explains the importance of the vagus, a nerve that threads through your whole body. It transports signals from your brain to your organs, “setting the heart pounding, making the stomach do flip-flops, and of course, lighting the loins on fire.” Everyone knows that jumpy, sort of sick feeling in your stomach. Some people call it a “hollow” feeling, while Elan Freydenson describes it this way: “That weird feeling falls somewhere between my belly button and my heart. It feels like tension building, yet it feels great and I want to have that feeling more often.”

Tennov’s group also reported “intrusive thinking,” where it seems like your brain is fixated on the object of your affection. When your heart rules your head, there’s actually one part of your brain running the other: the cortex is the area of your brain that controls logical thinking, while emotions are processed by the limbic system. When too many happy chemicals like PEA and dopamine flood your brain, they head straight for the limbic system.

When The Honeymoon’s Over

Some scientists believe that after a certain period, from 18 months to 4 years, one’s body gets used to these love stimulants. After building up a tolerance to uppers like PEA, passionate romances can cool into what Helen Fisher, author of “Anatomy of Love” calls “attachment.” In this phase of the relationship, your brain produces endorphins, brain opiates more like morphine than speed. “Unlike PEA,” says Fisher, “they calm the mind, kill pain, and reduce anxiety.” So what some people call “separation anxiety” might actually be a form of drug withdrawal.

The idea that the “honeymoon period” of a relationship is fueled by different brain chemistry than what is present during the mellower years that come later might explain why some people can’t seem to hold long-term relationships: they prefer the revving-up affects of brain amphetamines to the pain-killing effects of endorphins.

“Divorce rates peak around the fourth year of marriage,” says Charles Panati in his book “Sexy Origins and Intimate Things.” “The initial ‘highs’ of love have lost their chemical underpinnings Marilyn Monroe’s classic film “The Seven Year Itch” should be retitled ‘The Four Year Itch.”

Lynn Harris, co-creator of BreakupGirl.com wonders if it’s the other way around. “Relationships take work. They just do. And people get lazy after a while,” she says. “So do they get lazy because they’re getting immune to the chemicals, or do they get lazy because they just do…which triggers a decline in the chemicals?”

In the end, even hard-core scientists agree that chemistry isn’t everything. Culture, circumstances, personality, and scores of other variables help decide who turns your head and who leaves you cold. So don’t try to reproduce that lovin’ feeling in a basement chemistry lab–but do try your best to enjoy the natural highs that life gives you.

I think it’s always best to start with reality. So, above I discussed one technique of how to make powerful impressions. You yourself said it’s important to treat yourself kindly. I think that’s crucial. In fact I’d say that’s probably the most important thing of all, because once you treat yourself with kindness, you will pretty much automatically treat everybody else the same way. Kindness is very powerful.

But how to bring across your kindness in a specific interaction?

I’ll walk you through specific steps as to how to connect with women and people in general through specific skills as taught by Charismaarts:

First off, your VIBE — your PRESENCE

Think of what would make YOU comfortable. How would somebody have to behave around you to make you comfortable. Do that. Watch other people who are good at this. Learn by observation.

BODY LANGUAGE: Stand up straight, arms by your sides. It feels very vulnerable and uncomfortable at first but vulnerability is the point. If you’re standing there with arms crossed or all fidgety you’ll probably make her feel defensive and fidgety. If you’re vulnerable that shows strength. Only confident people allow themselves to be vulnerable. This may seem counter intuitive but go with me here.

EYE CONTACT: Look her in the eye when you say something to her. Don’t stare, but confidently look at her, especially when you’re listening.

SMILE: However, don’t be weird PERMA GRIN GUY. When you listen to her, stop smiling, just have a face of quiet expectancy, and look at her. When you speak be expressive and smile. The idea is to be dynamic.

Okay now as to SPECIFIC CONVERSATION SKILLS:

MAKE IT PERSONAL — – I Statements and YOU questions

What’s an I-Statement?

A major part of the Juggler method lies in making people comfortable enough to allow them to share their unique qualities. An instructor I know says: “Everybody’s interesting. It’s my business to bring that out in them”.

I’ll give you three specific ways on how do to that: I-Statements, OEQs and The Vacuum:

I-Statements: The idea here is that you share who you are and this will make people comfortable sharing who they are.

These statements are as SPECIFIC as possible and genuine. You talk in a relatable way about what you truly care about. Example: “I love skiing. I skied almost every day growing up. I love the feel of the wind in my face and the rush of the speed”. Here’s another one. “I enjoy walking in the surf. I like the feel of the cold water on my bare feet, the heat of the sun on my back and the salty air in my nose. It relaxes me.”

In both these statements she gets a feel for what kind of a person you are.

Next: OEQ (Open ended questions):

In order to find out about her you ask her OEQs. These questions are as GENERIC as possible: “How, what, why?”

Examples:
What do you like about basket ball?
How did that feel?
What’s Paris like?
Why?

If you share with her who you are through I-Statements and ask her Open Ended Questions chances are you’ll get to something that truly excites you and that you can SOI her on. So, there it is.

Oops, one last ingredient: The famous “Vacuum”.

After you ask a big question there may be a tendency on your part to fill in the empty space as she thinks about an answer. Don’t. Look at her with quiet expectancy. Look into her eyes to possibly build sexual energy. The vacuum is powerful. If she balks, just ask her a smaller question. i.e. “What do you think of traveling?” “Oh, I don’t know”. “Well, what was the last place you traveled to?” However, do not go on “questions trains”, meaning don’t keep asking questions. If you don’t get anything just answer your own question and either vacuum to see what she might want to say next or ask another OEQ.

I hope this helps.

One last thing to keep in mind: Have the conversation be about 50-50. You do 50 percent of the talking and so does she.

In that post I also addressed as to how to get out of the “Friend Zone” and make it sexual by SOI’ing a girl.

Facts—>Feelings—>Values—->Vulnerabilities.

So most of the time, people only get into light rapport because they keep describing facts, things that have an existence in the material world. “Oh, I went shopping this morning”, “I just bought a new car!”, “Did you see that new TV show yesterday?” etc. If you talk like this all the time it can get boring quickly, also you have to keep looking for new facts all the time, and you need to find facts that interest whoever it is you are talking to.

To go a little deeper, you can start talking about how you FEEL about a particular fact. “Oh, I went shopping this morning, I really love looking at the clothes, so many different colors!”, “I just bought a new car! Driving it made me realize how important it is to work hard in my job so that I can pay it off.”, “Did you see that new TV show yesterday? I laughed so hard at the little girl with the penguin on her head.” As you can see, you always have some kind of feeling about anything, so you can always do this with any fact that you start off with. Keep in mind that people tend to think about feeling whatever emotion you are describing, so you should prefer describing positive emotions, like happiness, or arousal, etc.

The next level is values. WHY do you feel whatever it is that you feel? “Oh, I went shopping this morning, I really love looking at the clothes, so many different colors! It’s amazing to me how many different perspectives there are in the world. I would never have imagined some of the shapes that I saw, that’s why I love new experiences, because you always learn something new, sometimes things that you never imagined ever existed before, for example, I remember the first time I fell in love, it was soo …” and on and on. I leave the other two as exercises for you guys. Post your answers in the responses. By the time you get to the values level, this is deep stuff. People brush down to the feelings level every now and then, it is rare for anyone to ever get down to the values level. If you are able to take her down here and keep her here for a while, she will never forget you.

One of the reasons why she won’t forget you is that she probably doesn’t quite know what her values are. That’s normal, almost no one does. Women in general however tend to be particularly confused. This is because the society matrix has imposed many contradictory values upon her, so she doesn’t know which values are important or whether she should be following them at all.

In order to get to the values level however, you need to know your own values. This is something that cannot be taught. You have to find them for yourself. Your values are uniquely YOURS, they can and should be at least a little different from others. Your choice of values will determine how effective you are at living life. For example, if you value focusing on your task until you get it done, you will probably do well. If you value never doing anything you might screw up in, you probably won’t. She wants to find a source of certainty in her life. If you have a good set of values and you believe in them strongly, and you can project that faith into her, if you get her to believe in you, she will follow you. No amount of money, no amount of sex appeal, will turn her away from you.

More about the even more important level of vulnerabilities some other time ..